Glad to hear you stayed sober.



kidushashem wrote on 17 Nov 2011 21:23:

Good going!
Of course, it's difficult, what do you expect?
Getting in touch with a live chaver is doing miracles for me.

Hey kiddush

I feel for your struggle,  but I'm glad to hear that you keep up the fight from your end -

My feeling is that some people here really find that through Tefillah, asking Hashem to take up the fight for them, "giving up their lust" to Hashem  that it really does give them what is takes to keep on fighting.

I have myself found that just davening, not necessarily about this problem  (although it is basically impossible for me to honestly express any personal feelings without focusing on my struggles with lust), but just davening with feeling and working to approach Hashem as who I am and tell Him that I want to have a relationship with Him - and just try through words or thougts to express my feelings to Him  that I am better prepared to face the struggles that come up for me.  As if I am walking around with Him literally at my side (picture walking down the street with your Rebbi) really changes the decision next time I'm faced with taking a second glance at something stimulating

I also like one of Dov's rules - I was never in his group or anything, but one of the rules of his group is that eash group member must daven for the other group members (or maybe just one of them) every day.  The way I think about it is that whether we are technically in a group together or not all of us that are struggling with lust are in this together and we all want freedom from lust for ourselves as well as for everyone else.
So when You do Daven - have us in mind too , and we'll be sure to think of you in our Tefillos  . 

I hope this isnt' out of place here, But I had been thinking about getting in touch by phone with a live chaver recently. I thought this might be helpful.

Sorry kiddush if this is invading your post but I decided to ask mottel here because maybe others can also benefit from this

I was wondering what it was like fpr you getting a live chaver to talk to obormottel -

Like how did you find a partner? - how often do you guys talk - what kind of things do you talk about or how does it help you  -  Do you call him for crises or just for regular maintenence stuff to keep yourself feeling strong and get support?  Whatever you'r comfortable sharing

Thanks

thanks t613!

really good advice about the davening. It's so true about speaking to Hashem and building the relationship.
Hisbodedus... stuff like that.

wow, things are getting really hot over here...

I'm starting to get those - now all too familiar signs - of, success-fatigue. A few days ago I posted about the almost-fall at the secretary's office. After today, that was nothing...

Sheesh, I'm really shaken up. I came really, really close to falling. Way to close. I'm all shaken up.

I watched a bunch of "clean" movies today. ("clean"= nothing too explicit+skipping the parts that are not 100% tznius).
No matter what, there's always a pretty girl, a skirt too high, a neckline too low. What am I gonna do?
I already went through this stage a few weeks ago when I had a lot of trouble one day because of some movies I watched. I really have to get a grip. Last time that happened, I made a decision that, one day at a time, I would stop with the movies for a couple of weeks. It worked. But I just got into movie mode again. I had no YH for movies these past few weeks but when I see one, I want to see more.
It wasn't just the movies that I saw today though; It was the movies plus extreme emotional antagonism that I was experiencing. Deadly combo. I was really upset about some stuff and my body was screaming out at me to go get a nice quick fix. Wow, it was so tempting. I was gonna do some real hot stuff... I'm not sure how I got out of it but it was a real miracle. I did what everyone has been telling me to do these past few days; I screamed out at Hashem and asked for help. I'm not sure why he's being so nice to me. I've been a real jerk lately. I haven't been learning any Torah. Nothing. I haven't been davening properly. I've been seriously toeing the line, watching videos and stuff.
Hashem has been so kind to me though. Thank you Hashem for all this Chesed!
Maybe this is why he's being so kind, so that I feel gratitude and just go for some serious hard work. There's so much I need to do. Ok, I really can't do it alone though. I'm gonna need some serious help from you guys.

What's really helped me is the 90 day chart. I need to go for another 90 day chart to feel that I'm heading towards a goal. But I need to do this chart for a few things.
Not m*** is the obvious one. But I also need to do a 90 day chart for Torah and Davening. Oh, and also movies...
But another thing I need is encouragement. I can't do this alone and I need help from anyone reading this who can offer me encouragement and help me reach my goals. I don't like taking from others but I need the help.

So, I'm going to draw up a chart on some blank paper and tick off days... My goals are above, the Torah goal is 15 min. a day and the Davening goal is Kavana of one word for each paragraph/bracha in shacharis.
Movies=no movies for 90 days.

One more thing, I think it's really important to make this struggle more real and I think I should either get a sponsor who I can speak to by phone, or join one of the phone calls. I prefer the latter.
I think doing this will really help me, possibly more than all of the above. It's a bit daunting though... I think I need some chizuk in that department. If as many people as possible can share what they've gotten out of sponsorship/phone calls, I'd really appreciate it.

That's all for now, I'm pooped.

Thanks for letting me vent!

KH

P.S. Guys, get moving in joining the chatrooms, it's really boring there right now!

Kiddushashem,
I wish I could watch movies, but I'm so sick I can't even look at an actress' face without thinking evil thoughts.  So skipping the really provocative parts isn't enough.  I'm glad you're off movies.  The less sips you take, the easier it's going to be to stay sober.  Eventually, you want to stop fighting so hard and just live.  Sounds like you have a good plan overall.

Much Hatzlacha,
Alex

dear kidushashem, i dont post often but here goes...you have already passed the first step - you're aware and you're not in denial.my sponsor told me so many people are in denial.#2 - you really want to get out of your predicament - pat yourself on the back for these 2 things! #3 - it's nice you dont like taking from others, but in this battle there is no other way - YOU CANT DO THIS ALONE! you need chizuk from chaverim.and on this forum, the people here are willing to give, give, give!everyone here wants you to succeed - it's just a matter of finding the right method that works for you. hatzlacha!
jack

alexeliezer wrote on 21 Nov 2011 16:28:



thanks Alex. Today was my first day on the new plan and I'm going to get a nice fat check on the chart. I had a really hard time in the afternoon (although not as hard as yesterday), but overall, it feels excellent to feel back in control (i.e. relatively in control).

After a day of rest from movies and some torah learning etc, I'm realizing how much of an idiot I was for watching any movies. They're just too triggering and I'm not such a huge movie guy anyway... I really don't need them at all in my life. I think I need to take your approach and just do no movies. Ever. One day at a time, I can really just stop with the movies.

Thanks Hashem for that insight...

Jack, thanks so much for your kind words... I really forget sometimes how important it is to just be nice to myself and give myself a pat on the back...

KH, here is another virtual pat-on-the-back. i find your honesty striving and determination to be a lesson to me. so keep it up!
kol hakavod
wishing you much hatzlocha
zs

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 21 Nov 2011 18:58:


thanks for the support Zemmy, I love you!

Today was an excellent day, BH.

One thing I've learnt from these last couple of days is that the struggle is not over when you think it is... I thought I had beat the YH when I didn't act out a couple days ago. Not true. He got way too close to give up so easily. He's been lurking inside of me trying to get me for these last couple of days and he's much stronger than he's been for about 2 months. Thank G-D, every day gets easier and I'll be back to "normal" soon IYH, but it's a pretty serious thing. It's just not worth getting so close to the edge because you can't just walk away and go back to normal. It's gonna be a real struggle to do that.
Thank you Hashem for another day clean!

One of the things that kept me from slipping after I'd had some success, was that I noticed the struggle wasn't so intense, so constant, so tiring, so consuming, so miserable.  So the motivation became remembering how hard it was getting to where I am, and not wanting to ever go back to that initial withdrawal.

As always, one day at a time, one right decision at a time.

thats such a good point
seeing how hard it was to reach where we are now is a very powerfull motivator

hi KH, glad to hear you doing well
KUTGW
k.e.e.p.  o.n.  t.r.u.c.k.i.n.g.!

Hi Dude, nice to know you're progressing.
My daughter was working on a school project last night, where they had to make up a country (because they know the real ones so well....she placed her country between Canada and France...). So she asked me "what should be the motto for my country?" Without thinking, I told her "Progress Not Perfection". She liked it. I hope her teacher never been to AA.
So keep up the nice progress one day at a time.