Dear Andsm1,

I don't think you are off topic. This kind of depression and anxiety strengthens the yetzer horoh for these things. That seems to be a something that is mentioned many times on this site and forumn.

I basically have the same problem, and these feelings have that effect on me.

Two weeks clean is a great achievement! Keep up the good work, we need all the soldiers we can, now more than ever!

If you are doing what you can, you should perhaps ignore pressure to do "better" and instead work on putting full trust in Hashem. He provides all living things with what they need. May Hashem give you success in all you do in the zechus of shmiras habris!

I have found the the entire reason we are here is to love and respect our wives more.Hashem talks to us via our wives.Our relationship with them mirrors our relationship with Hashem.My staying away from acting out we give kovod to our wives and Hashem and open up our lives to being proper kalim for brachot.It is all one big connection:The more we santify ourselves,the more we respect our wive and our selves,the more we give kavod to our merciful KING the more brachos we bring down from Hashem.I have seen miracles happen before my eyes whenever I follow this.The best way for a really good parnassa is to follow the advice we get on GUE!!!!!!!May we all be blessed to give from the depth of our very being the most amount of kavod to our wives and Hashem.May Hashem bless everyone here with an huge increase in the spiritual and the material!!!!!

This is SO true. Hashem speaks to us through our wives. He gave us a wife to learn how to serve him. With a woman, a man needs to learn how to go against his nature a bit, let go of logic, show understanding for her emotions and feelings (even when he doesn't understand them), let go of the ego, learn that true love is built through giving, not through good looks and not with selfishness. All this is a gift from Hashem to teach us how to become better human beings. And when your wife is angry at you, it is a siman that Hashem is also not happy. That is why the Shchinah only dwells when a man and his wife live in harmony. If your wife is upset, it means you have to let go of some of the ego and understand her - even if you don't. It's hard work, but no one ever said we're here on this world for a picnic. We are here to grow, that's the name of the game. 120 year countdown. How many points will you get? How many levels will you reach? Enjoy the challenge!

i am now back to day three although friday was the first day in 3 years that i finally figured out where and how to get to the mikveh near me so that will probably give me a big boost this push now

also i have learned that cooking is a grat form of therapy and now i make buffalo wings (like dougies), pizza, cakes and cookies

i might even go into the resteraunt biz

also im gonna take a computer programming course when i finnish ulpan

my goal in computers is to eventually learn and produce innovations in nano-technologies (like von nuehmon machines)

on top of that im still trying to get my license

root for me.....!!!!!!!!!


any ideas on rabbis or people who are great to talk to for ppl who are trying to become ba'alei tshuvah?

One great tip that really helps in this struggle is to accept upon yourself that if you fall you will go to the Mikva. If you have the ability to go even afternoon/night then you can go right away, if not, accept upon yourself to go within 12 or 24 hours. This can be a boost to keep you clean.

The resteraunt Biz sounds like a good idea if you know how to cook and it is good therapy. Look into options where you could start. Maybe in your community, or in a community near you...

thats great that you are starting to get things in order!

and i'm very happy that you are coming closer to H'. I am a recent baal teshuvah. I'm no Rabbi but if you want, you can send me a private message with any questions/concerns. I'd be glad to help!

bracha v'haztlocha!

last night i reached a turning point and got k-9

its working perfect

i think things might actually work this time

way to go!!!

the problem with k9 is that it blocks important sites

to be honest i have disabled my k9
but that lead to 2 excruciating weeks
i am in a dilema what to do about this

MDM, you MUST have a good filter. It's too hard to have it all within hands reach. Even R' Amram Chassid fell, are you greater than him?
If you are using the net now ONLY for business, does K9 really block important sites?

When installing K9, put in a RANDOM password that you won't remember or have someone else put in a password for you and tell him not to give it to you. Then put in that person's e-mail address (or mine) into the program and NOT yours, so that you can't ask for the password from them. If, at some point, you need to change some settings of the filter or whatever, your friend can do it for you, or if you use MY e-mail address, I can do it for you by accessing your computer using this program: ShowMyPC. Get it HERE. THIS WAS YOUR IDEA, MDM!

For other filter ideas, see our section on filters.
Also see this thread from SHOMER today for some interesting filter ideas: rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=249.15

If there's a will, there's a way. You know what you have to do, and you are doing it!

you are right
but i still can not do it

try bsafeonline.com.

I want to mention something.  I was recently at a conference and one of the groups was
having a debate about filters and if they are helpful. I know for me personally they are essential.
But someone brought up the point that there is a huge difference in being sober and being in
recovery from lust.  When we are living a spiritual life, when we are not worried about the future
and we have come to terms with our past... we live in the present moment, take one day at a time. 
When we are living like this... in serenity... there is little chance we will act out... no matter if
we have a filter or not. 

So this is the end goal.  The filter cannot be the end goal. REcovery is the end goal.  And that means
we are working a program of perfecting our Middos.  So we don't hold resentments, anger, fear, etc.
We trust Hashem that whatever he has dealt us, moneywise, healthwise, Shidduch wise, is meant to
be.

We get rid of our resentments and fears by examining them for our part in them.  We make amends to
people we have hurt and help others recover.

The tools are all here on the forum and on the guard site.  The tools are in your communities at
SA & SLAA meetings.  There were 595 goyim at this conference and 20 Jews from all spectrums.
Chassidim, Misnagdim, all walking around with their Yarmulkes making a Kiddush Hashem. 
If they can do that publicly, you can go to a meeting.  If they can LEAD meetings and get up
and speak in front of 100s of people as a proud yid, you can too.

it all depends on whether you REALLY want to get better or you're happy living on the cliff
of the slippery slope, where the Yetzer Harah convinces you, it's OK to just peek as long as
you don't go all the way.

I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to all of us and myself as well.

this week is exactly 1 month since i stopped looking at p*** using k-9

also i have been trying really hard not to look at women not dressed right

it is difficult sometimes at maximum because often it seems like sometimes women(/or the yetzer) are trying extra hard to throw me off with their ever disapearing apparel

of course i am not saying anything about all women as i am not a sexist in any way

i am also trying to not let my new control throw off my routine either so that im the only one who is aware of my effort

if everything i am trying to accomplish this week succeeds i will be able to get even stronger in other areas too

i am being vague for the purpose of warding off ayin hara