Hi every one, I'm new, I am 25 year old single, and I don't feel guilty anymore for masturbating and I don't really try not to, I used to try, but at the moment I simply can't handle that spiritual struggle.
I really don't want to get in to a debate about my attitude to masturbation.
But I want to raise a question to all you wonderful, caring people that use this forum, a question that disturbs me, and makes me feel complety isolated from all you Torah jews,can I still be considered part of Hashems camp in spite of my "unorthodox" views about masturbation?
Is there any point in me going to shul early every morning? Does Hashem still care about me? Does he still love me? 
 

First of all - WELCOME! Glad to have you aboard!

Does a father love a child?  Hashem loves you no matter how far you might stray.  It doesn't sound like it's that far, and it obviously bothers you somewhat if you are posting about it.

Stick around chabibi and grow with us!

confusedyid wrote on 15 Sep 2011 19:20:


I would answer the latter questions first.  Does Hashem still care about you and does he still love you?  Well He gave you life this morning even though He had no obligation to do so and even though you can never pay Him back for it (or for the life he has given you during the past 25 years).  So it would seem to me that the answer to those questions is Yes.  Now is there any point in going to shul early every morning? Well if you are going to shul to at least say Thank You for that life then it would seem to me that there is a point in going.

Hatzlacha and Welcome.

orthodox shmorthodox

there is no such thing

you gotta do what u gotta do

learn daven

try your best

hashem is not out to get you

try to get close to hashem

like a little baby

whoo gives the faintest cry

his parents go crazy

hashem will help you!!!!!!

hi and welcome aboard,

Hashem still loves you, and we also do.

יתמו חטאים מן הארץ, חטאים כתיב, ולא חוטאים
meaning the sin is bad, not the sinner.

would recommend you listen to these two wonderful shiurim
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4337.msg118862#msg118862
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4337.msg118861#msg118861

wishing you much hatzlocha
zs

Duh, I didn't even think about those shiurim I uploaded.  They are very good and very short. Give a listen. I hope they will pick you up.

Would you be able to throw away your kids if they did the most horrible things. I don't think so. A father is a father to his kids no matter what they do. Besides, hashem loved you more than you love yourself. Hashem even respects and values you. He believes in you. If he didn't you wouldn't be here. Your here as his agent to accomplish big things. He knows you will do your best.

Thanks for all those wonderful responses, to be honest I was scared people would reply that I was an evil apikoras, like my yetzer horah tells me every day. But I think I need to relate to Hashem as a loving father, as R Frand said in that link. ( I nearly cried when I listened to it)

Welcome home! I nearly cried reading your response  :'(

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

confusedyid wrote on 04 Mar 1974 06:44:

OK, so on the day that you stop seeing it as a spiritual or religious struggle and start seeing it as a personal one, I'd love for you to call on me. I started seeing it as a personal struggle for my sanity and for the good life, not a spiritual one...and I got sober. And I am sober today.

Would love to trade notes and stuff.

Till then, lechayim!

of course he loves you, you are alive and you can do those things. but he is waiting for you to turn fully to him. so if he loves you now how much more so when are standing next to him.

I think that after we all reached this wonderful consensus that Hashem loves you no matter what, af al pi shechoto Yisroel hu, etc, it would do us well to stress that every frum Jew should try and get better, whether it's in keeping Shabbos or other areas of observance.
Certainly, you are not an apikoires by any definition, or a mumor, unless you do it publicly and then boast about it, but it is a hard and exhaustive battle, so I am happy for you trying to get reinforcements on this site.
It always weighted me down very heavily that I am expected to just abruptly stop masturbating, and I always found it impossible to undertake. However this site and this forum helps you take it one day at a time, so I would offer you to try and not masturbate tonight, and then get back to us tomorrow and we'll see what that day brings.
No need for promises, kabolois, hachlotois....just one day at a time.
G-d love you, my brother. Keep posting.

thanks mottel, that was very inspiring words
if we learn a bit chovos halvoves, shaar habchinoh
we see clearly that hashem loves every single jew, in whatever state he is
when we say sheloy ossany goy, we should have at least an urge to dance

dov wrote on 15 Sep 2011 21:54:


The reason why I call it a religious struggle is because thank G-d I don't have an addictive, compulsive masturbation problem, I am just a healthy male with normal human drives. In fact most people will say I have the opposite problem, I told someone I work with that I have never had relations he thought I was mad, and kind of told me I'm a deprived sad case. (But why should I care what these people think of me?)

I just masturbate twice a week or so and it does not really effect my life, my problem is a deep conflict between my  natural needs and the halachik reality.
Please G-d when I get married I will have a halachik outlet, but at the moment there is a conflict.
I know that this forum is primarily for people struggling with addiction, but I just needed to share some of my struggles and fears.  I have an anxiety problem, and sometimes I get into major panics about whether Hashem still loves me, I realy need to build a foundation of Hashems love as my starting point. Thanks for all the inspiration