i fell i broke in to my cousins house and went on their computer.

i need help i left yeshiva and went to my cousins and punched in the code i knew the combination i went in i was there for like 3 hours looking at s*** and disgusting things.I called my mother told her i had a fall(she knows) I asked her to please ask my cousin to change the code or put up a filter.45 min. ago my cousin calls up and asks me Why do i have to put up a knew combo?whats the problem with the internet? i spilled the beans got it over with.She was very upset but she said she will change her code I just feel like garbage and that im a loser and that im a low life addict to P.

be strong my friend, it happens...

Wow you are a real tzadik to be so honest with your mother and cousin

Hey emuna,
noone I know who is honest and strong and wants to get better can be called a lowlife. so stop it!
I and all guys here, including you, have a serious problem. As long as we do something about it constantly, it's not fair to call ourselves any names other than good ones.
Keep it up! You are a great, fine fellow who tries his damnedest and so does your Yetzer. So it punched you in the face, and you punched it back twice. SO who's winning?

whats so funny to see is that (like myself) we all think that we are the only ones doing these things. However weird or sad this may seem people do much worse things to access to bad sites. I actually use the K9 filter and last week since I couldnt get on any sites I went through every search to somehow get a glimpse of something. I felt like the biggest loser and I really am for doing that. But at the end of the day I just feel its our tevah (nature). Therefore I say this is who I (we) are and the fact that we want to change is the beginning. I dont know for a fact but I am making a strong assumption that there are a=so many people out there who aren't even trying, just saying "this is who I am and there is nothing I can do about it" Its seriously helping me reading your stories and I hope you dont get upset about that. I have done such stupid things in the past but I know that this may just be my nisoyon in life. I know the high I feel when I go a week clean. I feel different after I fall. I feel weaker my head is not all there. But that clean feeling, there is just nothing like it and I cant even explain it. I am completely adamant about completing the 90 day's. I am on two weeks clean now but the only problem is that last week (as I stated above) I looked at bad pictures. I thought about acting out but I didnt and I dont exactly jknow why maybe its the guilt of doing in during ellul zman but I dont really care atleast I didnt do it. I am scared that this will need to me eventually falling but i honestly hope that I dont. Please please please keep giving me continuous chizuk. I want to stop my addiction as well. Remember me and you are both normal people and so is everyone else here. There are billions of people who do it but we are the ones who say we shouldnt. Do you realize that is probably weird to goyim. Why should you stop they might say, its completely normal! But they dont understand what it does to them and how wrong it is. Hatzlacha Rabbah and please keep in touch.

just a thought- I give you much credit for not keeping your secret life a secret and opening up to people that can help. What can be a huge help is a SA meeting. Must of us that do not attend is because we are not ready to face it in the open. you have proven yourself otherwise. kol hackovod I think that can be a huge help. with that said you should make sure you open up to safe people that you can trust and understand anonymity and not to anyone out there.

Now its time to move forward,

hm

Your honesty without hesitation is admirable. I aspire to have that level of forthrightness and honesty.

emunah17 wrote on 11 Sep 2011 01:58:

WOW!  You don't even realize how BIG you are!  It takes quite a big person to take those actions after a fall!  Your self-honesty is humbling. It will get you far in life my friend.

wow what honesty thats great! the fall is only how bad you make it so get up quick and dont lose to much ground