I'm in the library and I see a frum Bachur next to me watching porn. I switched seats so I wouldn't get triggered. I'm very tempted to say something helpful to him, such as check out GYE etc..... However, in my experience, whenever I offer advice without being asked for it I've received negativity and only worsened the situation. Is there any appropriate way to approach him? Or should I mind my own business?

seems to me that the most prudent thing to do is to MYOB, because if you confront the guy there is a very good chance he will get all defensive and embarrassed. unless you can tell him that you are/were in the very same situation and you were able to find a group of people and share etc...

and i thought libraries do not allow the filth on their computers? maybe tell the librarian that there is a problem with their filter if they have one.

here's another idea. go sit near that fellow. take your cell phone and play a ringtone. say "hello" and then be quiet for a few seconds. then say in an audible but not too loud voice "that website i told you about is guardyoureyes.org gee ugh ay ar dee etc. spelling it out, then say "they have tools and help for people stuck in the shmutz of the internet" and hang up.

clever idea!!!


just hope that you don't get any REAL calls while you are play-acting....  :-[ :-[ :-[

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 30 Aug 2011 18:23:

I highly doubt that him, or anyone, will respond positively to that inferenced way....MYOB is looking better

Why don't you just go over to him and strike up a coversation with him and see if you can befriend him without mentioning the porn.  If you strike up a relationship with him you will be able to refer him to GYE down the line.

I left already. And the library is the last place to srike up a conversation! Ill get shhhhushhhhed right out of the plaxe.However, I think this is an important question to answer in general; when you know someone has an addiction is it preferable to approach them, although they might repress more?

I like the question even though I don't know the answer.  I'm curious to read what the great GYE community is thinking about this.

We have a service to send people an anonymous e-mail about our work on GYE which looks like a chain-email.

Send us] the e-mail addresses you want to send it to.

guardureyes wrote on 30 Aug 2011 20:32:


I think the problem is he has no clue what the guys email address is.  Maybe you can pay the librarian $20 bucks and get the guy's name and we'll have one of our anonymous moderators visit the guy's house.

Get the GYE dog to follow his scent

ur-a-jew wrote on 30 Aug 2011 21:04:

save gas, use the GYE Time-Space Controbulator to get the guy to Guard's house or to Bardstown village square

if ever in that situation there is a huge difference between knowing the guy and having a relationship and not.  If you dont it would be best to myob and not embarass him H"S, which would almost for sure happen if you were to say something.  If you know him thats a whole other story, but based on the contexts I dont think you do. fascinating though. 
on second thought perhaps doing that ina  public place is a bit of a chillul Hashem, and the best advice might be to say something.  I'm not sure...ask a rav lol

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 30 Aug 2011 18:23:


In NYC, it is allowed. There is an option, upon logging on, for filtered/unfiltered use.

NYC Councilmember David Greenfield introduced a Bill to force the New York Public Library system to filter their internet. They don't want to in the name of Free Speach & access to information etc. The bill is designed to 'protect minors'; it prohibits accessing porn in the library within x amount of feet of a minor, effectively stopping all such use in the library.

If this guy needs it so bad that he's doing it in public he REALLY needs help. I wish there was a way to get to him....

Maybe we should send out the hovertruck squadron.....