The voices in my head were driving me nuts.  Call your sponsor.  Shut up, just get it done with.  Don't do it, Shabbos is 2 days away, you are almost there, make it to the the space of tranquility!  Never mind, H' will forgive you, just go in, have a quick massage, maybe nothing will happen anyhow.  Don't do it, are you stupid, don't you remember how you felt last time? Yes but this time is different, I'm in a programme, I'm coming clean - enjoy these last few days of freedom while you can!  Okay I'll make my way and leave it up to H' - maybe he'll help me and give me a flat tire!!

I pulled up in the parking lot, tried to get into the massage parlor for a massage and whatever happens happens.  Alas!  The door was locked!  Lights were on, but no way to get in!  that never happened before.  Went back to the office and thought about what just happened...

I would call this that you failed, but, hoshem helped and stopped you. Whatever, fell shmelll. Keep on trucking. Don't do it to Hoshem, see how much he loved even while you traveled to ... Don't do it to yourself, imagine, how you would have felled, posted in a hour from now if the place would have been open.

We love you brother. Our father hoshem loves you.

Keep on trucking, one day at a time.

Oh it was a fall.  I don't deny it.  I still wrestled after, really wanted to go find another place, but thought, don't do it... 
In fact, I thought I would go to a parking lot, park the car, and scream at the top of my lungs..... ENOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE>>>>>>>>  IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

ontheedgeman wrote on 18 Aug 2011 21:01:

oh, screaming at myself in the locked car on top of my lungs is a delightful way of snapping out of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FSKOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

done that!
however, i found that a few kapitlech tehilim when said s l o w l e y with kavono, and with me (not dovid hamelech) in those psikim, is a direct c panic button call to hashem.

oh, screaming at myself in the locked car on top of my lungs is a delightful way of snapping out of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FSKOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[/quote]

lol had to google what FSKOT stands for... it came up in google!!

I wonder how long it will take for us to hear it in casual conversation .

a famous story of hershel ostropeler
he told the his wife that the rebetzen cant hear well, therefore she must scream when she talks to her
then he told the rebetzen that his wife cant hear well
then they met....., the rabbe came out running, whats the screaming? what happend?
hershele answered, that the rebetzen kept on telling him "i am allready deaf all from your talking"

i dont think its a fall

it is your hirrur tshuvah that you by tashlich

or maybe the kavvanah u had by the chanukkeh lecht

maybe it was the mah nishtaneh your daughter asked with her innocent face

you had a zechus

hold on to it

look up the gemara in avodah zara  daf 17

about eliezer ben derdaya

that went to a remote island to meet the  most pretty harlot

and she farted in his face  etc etc

look it up!!!!!

Thanks Bardichev!  I just looked it up on my iTalmud app... amazing reference!  Even the next daf (17b) tells the story of R. Hanina and R. Yonatan who walked by a house of idol worship and a house of harlotry... and they decided to test themselves by walking past the house of harlotry... but the "door was locked" for them!! (the harlots retreated...)

Boroch Hashem the door was locked!!!!!
May all our doors to bad things be locked!!!

P.s. Perhaps if you had a sponsor you could've called him......