WOW! Thanks Chevra..

Bards you dont need to introduce yourself.. I know you pretty well from my last gilgul.. (when it was "steve the pickel, rage,bards, schwarts... jack.. whatever..)

Your point was nice and strong and taken well. I could use that because to be honest - Its been a while since I have looked at p* or any ma* nor even oogling on the streets.. But thinking like hey just a chat.. vus ken zein...  Then we get to check in constantly, even got to talk to her,(to use all the things like shes a lonely old fat man.. or depressed woman wouldn't work.. you know by us vie du recerch on deh shidduch.. All jokes aside that is not the case so it wouldnt work) and it lead to - I guess i should say it.. A few weeks of an online affair.

To be honest I knew it and even told her that We need to stop for our families sake... But hey Y"H had a way to keep it for a bit loonger... But b"h I made a decision to give my "actions" over to my creator.. And do not have any access to get back it to the mess.  As far as in the mind -sure it needs cleaning... But it was more of the attachment without responsibilities.. Its time to bounce back at real life and not escape it...

I very much appreciate everyone's advice chizuk and petch.... I feel the love.. and hope this will be a wake up for myself on this issue.. (even though It bothers me that I get in and out of situations too fast that it does not have the affect that I would want it to have on me - the feeling of hitting bottom, I escape it to fast.. )

trying to be honest -hm

ur-a-jew wrote on 18 Aug 2011 17:40:


Thanks for helping me with that one - BD,

ur-a-jew wrote on 18 Aug 2011 18:01:


I was makdim refuah lemakkah...

My kids speak no English!

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 18 Aug 2011 16:34:


Interesting point..  The issue here is not shalom with the ashes chail - its shalom with the yetzer hara.. hear me..  it can be all love dove with wife but hey .. just a time killer in the office... and from there on is history.. (Sure all the gilt and why It only lasted for a few days at a time is because of the eishes chail...  So not sure if in this case that is the answer... But hey - ZS maybe next idea will hit home.. I am listening..

ben durdayah wrote on 18 Aug 2011 18:21:


You mean so its חהטל

Morning guys- Just a quick point that I got and figured I will share to bring out how fast something like this can effect a relationship.. Yesterday was the day I said No more of this, No listening to the y"h at least to be a mentch and say good bye and explain as I had done in the past -It only led to more.. So I stopped the Virtual relationship cold turkey.. Blocked all sights that gave me access to the person.. And moved on to learning from my motives and actions.. At night as I am getting in to bed.. My wife asks me - did something special happen today? You've been so nice and happy?! (ok- Now I am generally the happy type, if I may say so, thoughtful husband and father, spend many hours a day with the family in harmony) So I said I am usually happy- what do you mean? And she said you've been a bit out of it and today you seem happy, content and very nice mood.

I figured I would bring that up - Even though I realized I was zoning out from family a bit( for the week or so) but to have your loved ones get so effected besides for the terrible deed, just from your moods.. Its another point to remember.

One more thought - I thought to myself as I was sitting in conversation in the private chat room I closed out any other issues that may be in my mind.. like financial or what ever else it may be( as we all know that's why the escape is so enjoyable..no pressures while your intensely involved..) By davening this morning I tried to feel that with Hashem.. It's me and Hashem in a room talking.. get myself fully involved and no other thoughts or pressures can interfere while I am in this closed door conversation with hashem... .I should try that more often..

Chevra- have a wonderful Shabbos.. hm

Thanks for sharing that.  We often fail to realize how much our "private" actions effect others.

With respect to the davening Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz says that לעתיד לבא we are going to be our own prosecutors.  For example, a person will say I couldn't maintain concentration during davening I had too much going on in my life, and they will pull out the videotape what do you mean look at the way you concentrated and zoned out the world when you were sitting in the chat rooms.  So thanks for giving us this wonderful lesson now when there is still time to rectify it.

Have a wonderful Shabbos.

UAJ- thanks for that, wow. It's a pa'chad bud true.

wow, thanks for sharing that, HM, it's both sobering and heartening to see how much in tune with your feelings the wife is.

and it's great that this story is having a positive ending, and hopefully we can all learn to keep moving up and up

have a great shabbos HM

ZS-I will try remembering to sing  with a geshmack -משוך נועם יראתך

david712 wrote on 19 Aug 2011 15:41:

sounds like a good idea, i will too

Thank you ZS for your kind words - Good shabbos.

good shabbos

send me a pm i have an eitzah for u

Just read this and figured others may like it - from http://www.lazerbrody.typepad.com/

Not the Time for Silence

This evening, we usher in the new month of Elul, the month of teshuva and the last month of the Jewish New Year. This was the day that Moses began his 40-day prayer stint atop Mount Sinai, begging Hashem to forgive the Children of Israel for the golden calf fiasco. The forty days ended on Yom Kippur, when Hashem told Moses, salachti kidvarecha - "I have forgiven as you have requested."

Today, I met with one of Israel's leading rabbis. I asked him, "Honorable Rabbi, why are all our spiritual leaders silent in the face of everything our people are facing now? Why don't they get up and speak? Why are you silent?"

The Rabbi answered me, "Our people are broken. They can't stomach any chastising now. We shouldn't speak if they won't listen. Besides, it will only make things worse."

I humbly disagreed. I told the Rabbi that in the army, the only way to bring a shell-shocked soldier out of his stupor is to slap him in the face. I also told him that in my humble opinion, all our troubles are the result of continued intramural hatred. Sure, there are so many wonderful things about our people - their Torah, the thousands of new BTs, mutual aid societies of every shape and form. But, the petty jealousies and the stupid infighting are still there - both of which are manifestations of lack of emuna. The Rabbi shrugged, indicating that the discussion was over.

Business as usual? Yesterday, we lost another magnificent tzaddik, Rabbi Moshe Yosef Reichenberg of Monsey, of blessed memory. Rabbi Reichenberg gave his life trying to save a child who in all likelihood he didn't even know. This was an act of the greatest form of ahavat Yisrael that can be. I have no doubt that Rabbi Reichenberg has already been ushered in the highest portals of Gan Eden.

Leiby Kletzky, Baba Elazar, and now Rabbi Moshe Yosef Reichenberg, all of saintly and blessed memory. Who needs more martyrs? Sorry Rabbi, I'm tired of funerals and Katyusha rockets. And what about Syria's doomsday arsenal of the most unthinkable deadly chemical warheads, all aimed at us? And what about a whole new stream of weapons pouring into Gaza from Libya? And what about the new wave of terror from Egypt and from the so-called Palestinian Authority? And what about the continued bombing of Israel's south? And what about Egypt's new regime that also wants to destroy us, starting with Eilat? And what about the back-to-back earthquake and hurricane in the USA? Is Hashem not raising the volume to make us listen? In 3 short weeks, the nations of the world will try to delegitimize our country by recognizing our enemy's so-called right to a homeland on our tiny piece of G-d given real estate. Do you know what that means? How can you be quiet?

Honorable Rabbi, with such a stormy start of Elul, you - who so many people look up to - can no longer be quiet. As a leader of our people, it's your task to raise your voice even if it's not the most popular thing to do right now. Now is a time for action. Being frum doesn't help much if you turn your nose up at a dark-skinned Jew. When Rabbi Moshe Yosef Reichenberg jumped out of his car in the middle of a hurricane to save a little boy, he didn't ask the injured lad what shtiebel his father davened in. Rabbi Moshe Yosef acted like Hashem's bravest commando. That's how we all must act - with dedication and willingness to risk everything for a fellow Jew, no matter who he or she is.

I'm sorry, Rabbi. You have forgotten more Torah than I have learned. I am dust at your shoes. But I'm sick of the sacrifices and sick of seeing my neighbors wince every time they hear a siren. Hashem expects us to cry out in behalf of our people and to repair what we need to repair. That's exactly what Moshe Rabbenu did for the 40 days that begin today. Please forgive my insolence, Honorable Rabbi, but this is not the time for silence. 

So, Mr He'uni Mi'Maas,

Zemmy was kind enough to point Mr. Duddy in this direction, for he has a similar story now to the one you were goin' thru.
Care perhaps to give us an update?
If anyone knows his contact info, can they ask him for a cameo appearance?

Thanks