I went to my first live meeting last night. It was such a relief to meet up with people who know what I'm going through, and in turn I could identify with everything they shared.

I enjoyed it so much and look forward to next week. It's been a long road to get here, especially getting my wife's buy-in (as far as possible), but I don't feel alone any more. It's a good feeling.

Wow, Yasher Koach for taking that step!  May you be zocheh to take all 12 of them .

Anyway, keep us posted.  I am interested to hear how it's going.

Last night I went to my second SA meeting. There were 6 people again, all men, two were not there from last week and two I hadn't seen before. I found it funny that before the 6th guy arrived there were more frum Jews than anyone else.  ;D

It was good to share and to speak about my failings as if they were normal. I could empathise with whatever the other guys spoke about too.

My theory on the 12 steps is that it works because of other people. I can't imagine that you could get it to work on your own.

I need to get myself a sponsor and start working through the steps, but even without following a program it's good to get out of my own head and meet with other real people.

Not sure why I kept forgetting to mention this, but I have no internet filter at work at all. I joined a new place three months ago and the first thing I did was try install K9. It couldn't connect, so I tried webchaver and some other filter but McAffee Enterpise anti-virus let none of them operate. To my surprise (not) I was unable to withstand temptation, and that led to me finally attending a live group.

All min hashamayim...

I asked for a sponsor when I went to the meeting on Tuesday night. I need to follow up with one of the guys who offered to help.

I am sitting here in front of my computer, working late in an almost empty office. I have already stumbled...

I am phoning him now...

That was good. Whether he listened or not, which he did, it was good to get out of my head.

Let's see if I can push on with my work now...

Until now I said at meetings I am a sex addict, but not a recovering sex addict, because I have not yet started to work the 12 steps. But now I say I am a recovering sex addict, because simply the act of coming to meetings means I am actively pursuing recovery. Even if I'm not on the road yet, I'm walking towards it.

thank you very much for sharing this, it's very important that I hear someone say what you are saying here.

Can you read the Green Book in the toilet?

Emes,

Good to hear your progress.  It's nice to hear of someone new who's actually committed to doing whatever it takes to get well.  I don't have a filter at work (other that the corporate firewall which does block a lot).  So I don't surf.  I don't linger at the computer with nothing to do.  Or I read and post here.  Admitting powerlessness means not peeking, not "seeing what's out there" not dipping our toes in the waters of lust.  Because we know it's a trap door straight down into the darkness.  Our only hope is to completely avoid it.

Hatzlacha!
Alex