I'm on a 9 day streak, BH. I've noticed that there seem to be some senior members of this forum that have really really suppressed this teiva. How long does it take until it gets easier to fight? Today was really tough, BH I made it through, but I didn't enjoy it.

Thanks!

When we fight lust, it's very difficult.  When we deal with the root of the problem, it gets much easier.

Check out this message I posted, it may help you understand better:

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4076.msg111513#msg111513

--Eye.

cominghome wrote on 21 Jul 2011 16:19:


they call it healing pains, your healing it hurts but as you get better the less it hurts, hang in there soon you be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

This is what i PM'd someone a while ago, when i was at day 54, today with hoshems help, i'm at day 69.

“Is it easy or too difficult”
Its both, read through the forum, some days it will be VERY difficult, you would go crazy after the TAVA and you will “NOT even feel good” the day after that you won !!!!! This is how the YH will make the nisayon very difficult. Which day will this be, there is no magic answer to this, if you read from people’s logs, everyone say differently, 1 guy says first week someone else says 3rd week, 30 days 40 days 70 days and it goes on and on and on. There is no answer to this, everybody is different. But, everybody has it. You must pass this.
Some days it will be VERY easy, you want even feel any TAVA and it wouldn’t interest you. You can see so many people saying, oh after this day it was easy, for me actually the last 2 days were the first easy days in my 54 days. It so easy that you think, wow this is nothing, I totally repaired myself, if you think so, this is where the YH will catch, because all of a sudden the YH will attack the person and he’s totally not prepared. So you need to pass this as well. You need to remember your matzev and stay focused on the issue. You need to keep on posting on the forum and be ready for the next fight.
This is what life will be, some difficult days and some easy days. The longer you stay clean, the more easy days you will have, but, the difficult day will still pop up forever. I’m sorry, only as long as you’re alive, in your hichal in Gon Iden you will not have any nisyonos anymore.

For me the first 2-3 weeks were sheer hell, like what I imagine withdrawal from drugs is like. I wandered around in a daze, not able to concentrate on anything, forcing myself to look away from my triggers, which are EVERYWHERE, and I was so used to staring at them that it was a physical effort to turn away. It's like there are strings attached to my eyes. (It's still a constant struggle, it's slowly getting easier but I still have a long way to go.) I would be shaking and whimpering with the desire for "just one more little peek, just a little bit of fantasy to soothe me".

I told myself that if I give in I will feel rotten about it afterwards and that is BAD pain, but if I stay strong and it hurts that is GOOD pain. Every time I successfully looked away I felt like I was Makriv a Korban to Hashem, like I was burning a little piece of me.

Eventually I got over that initial intensity (I miss it sometimes, in a way it made me feel so ALIVE). I even made the mistake of feeling that I could let my guard down a little and not be so careful with my eyes, but I quickly realized where that would get me.

So hang in there. There will be ups and downs, but don't let the downs get you down. Think of it like the stock market, it goes up and down, but the long term average trend is UP.

Keep On Trucking^TM, no matter how bumpy the road gets.

Gevura!

Remember how hard this is.  So when it does get easier, and then you're tempted to slip, remember that you never want to have to go through this withdrawal again.

I remember my first few weeks were a constant barrage of intrusive thoughts and temptations.  I said my 12-step recovery tefila dozens of times a day (Ribono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.  Only you can restore me to sanity.  I turn my life and my lust over to your care and ask you to please heal me from this illness of lust.  I don't want to lust.  I only want you and a relationship with you.  Take my lust.  I give it to you.)  The battle was doing this over and over, anytime lust came knocking.

Shmiras eynayim at all times is also key.  And although it does get easier, and even automatic, the temptation to look never goes away.

You're on a roll.  Roll baby roll.  You're a steamroller.

dearest brother,
from my personal experience it definitely get easier as time go on - but the only way to do it is the AA way of "one day at a time"  - and when that's not possible make it  "one hour at a time"

here is what i posted when I celebrated 2 years clean this past April 8th




as the old MBD song goes "......just hold on a little bit longer...."

with tremendous LOVE and admiration to a fellow warrior

Noorah

Did Cominghome go away?

--Eye.

Many people would say that it's tougher to get to 30 than it is to get to 90.

The more you go, the easier it gets.

In early recovery I remember paying attention to every minute that went by without me acting out.

They said "One day at a time", and even one day was too much for me!

Sometimes I had to break it down into an hour at a time, a half hour at a time, or even less.

But eventually the urge gets easier to deal with.

It doesn't go away exactly - but you've learned your tools and what works for you, which makes it a lot easier for you to deal with them.

In my case - I was still getting strong urges at 90 days, and it took another few weeks for me to feel like they've quieted down a bit.

Everyone is different.

But one thing's proven: if you're in hell, keep on walking.

Don't expect for it to get easier right away. It won't.

Eventually it will though.

That's my experience...