well, you know it's a constant struggle - ok, not like it was when i first started, but it's still a struggle.for now, i;'m focusing on 2 things:
1 - the feeling of being clean - i mean the feeling, not the knowledge of being clean.i'm trying to look at it as if it's a HOLY feeling.you see, i need to replace the feeling of acting out with a different kind of feeling - as you know.it has to be a feeling, because knowledge alone is not enough to replace that feeling of acting out.
and
2 - the terrible way i'll feel if i do not remain clean - how will i face my rabbi, myself, my wife, and G-d?
jack