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90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 66757 Views

Windows of the Soul 28 Jul 2014 22:30 #236223

This is to share with you a summary of a booklet found on this site called Windows of the Soul. This is my summed up version, I hope you find it useful.

✔ YOU ARE A MEMBER OF A UNIQUE NATION
We need Torah, it is our strength to be moral but we can only tap into our strength by guarding our eyes.

✔ SELF-MASTERY
If you do not have a degree of self-mastery you are slave to your negative traits and all the negative winds on the street are extremely dangerous for you. There is so much immodesty and lust in the streets that without self-mastery over your eyes you can be easily overcome.

✔ LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL
The souls voice is very low and small - the body's very loud and commanding. Despite the many obstacles put up by the body, one should listen to the soul, not the body. The body is insane. By studying Torah and "exercising your soul" one is capable of leading the mind and body to sanity and health.

✔RESPECT THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS
A person who does not guard his eyes does not (by definition) respect the privacy of others. Since intimacy is reserved for married husband and wife. A person who guards his eyes can bring a husband and a wife closer.

✔BEWARE OF THE ENTICING NATURE OF THE WORLD
The world is not merely a beautiful place where we can look everywhere
While it is a beautiful world, there are things that we should not see. There have been many calamities לא עלינו that have been brought on by the power of sight. Cain, Ham, Lot, Avimelech.

✔PRIVATE FLAWS WILL BE REVEALED:
If a person desires bad things he will be motivated towards unfavorable behavior. Sin begets sin and before long your deeds will be inevitably revealed. If you think you are getting away with it, think again.

✔REMEMBER YOUR HERITAGE:
I remember my grandmother obm for her incredible modesty. I always knew she was fair decent and righteous but I never connected it to modesty. Quite simply modesty gives you control over your desires. Modesty gives you the power to be fair, decent, and honest. This is my heritage.

✔UNDERSTAND THERE IS A PURPOSE TO THIS CHALLENGE:
It is a famous question of why there is a yetzer ra at all? G-d wanted us to struggle with this negative force and to overcome (which is entirely possible). Animals do not have this problem or this responsibility as they do not know bad or good. Only a human can stop himself from doing something negative.

✔DAILY TORAH STUDY:
Torah elevates your thoughts, gives you more awareness of the dangers and also give you more self esteem. As an example remember the lesson of R. Dubov of Chabad who, taught of the importance of the 10th commandment (not to covet) and it being the guard of the above four. If you do not covet, you will not steal etcetera.

✔DAILY MUSSAR STUDY:
Studying Mussar heightens your awareness of your infinite potential and all the wonder within you. Then you are less likely to throw it all away by not Guarding your Eyes. Who does not want to be courageous, loving and kind?

✔ KEEP A LOG
Keeping a log is helpful because you are metering your intake so it speak and so you are becoming more and more conscious of how to avoid them. By doing so you are becoming smarter in this area and reinforcing your convictions, will and desire.

✔ PRACTICE LOWERING YOUR EYE LEVEL
Lowering your eye level helps in many ways. First, and most obviously you do not see immodest sights. This should become second nature.

✔ MAKE A PLAN BEFORE YOU LEAVE HOME
This is extremely helpful the better thought out the better For example before going to a secular wedding or going to a business meeting Visualization and integration are very helpful for any possible difficult situations.

✔ VIEW HOLY THINGS
Our Sages tell us that if we focus on holy objects simply viewing them will instill holiness within us and inspired us to preform mitzvot better. Beautiful sunrises, or a colorful flower, or the graceful flight of a bird, waterfalls and lakes.

✔ GUIDE A FRIEND
By guiding a friend we ourselves are strengthened. Also I believe perform the mitzvot better. A G-d will be more forgiving because you took your time to help other out of this.

✔ LAWS OF SHMIRAT EIYNAYIM:
① It is forbidden to look at a woman if she is dressed immodestly
② Concerning areas of immodesty:
ⓐ If you know of an area where immodestly dressed women are present, it is forbidden to enter this area.
ⓑ An alternative route If there is to alternative route or the alternative route is impractical or costly, you are permitted to pass through the are to avoid seeing the immodest sights
③ It is forbidden to have thoughts of desire for any woman
④ It is forbidden to derive pleasure from looking at the beauty of a woman even if she is modestly dressed. (There are different laws regarding one’s wife.)

✔ TREAT WOMEN WITH RESPECT
Many of the women that are dressed immodestly would be perfectly decent if they were in a more religious, wholesome atmosphere. To treat them with disrespect is wrong and it does nothing to solves the problem (neither yours nor theirs nor societies.)
I regard it as being my own problem, I increase humility and I deal with it in myself.
If you guard your eyes you are in the wonderful position to honor, respect and help women who need help (if you feel it is safe).

✔ TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME
One gets very very confused by trying to foresee what will be in the future in each every scenario. If you do today what you are supposed to , tomorrow it will be that much easer to do it again. One day at a time before you know it you know it you have acquired a life saving habit.

✔ PREPARE FOR THE UNEXPECTED
Just like when an army plans a war, the generals design a strategy, so too when we plan to battle the war of Guarding Your Eye. The Vilna Gaon would review the second chapter of Mesilat Yesharim, which talks of watchfulness 13 times before going out into the street.

✔ WE ARE NEVER IMMUNE TO IMMODESTY
Let us not fool ourselves no one is immune to immodesty and certainly not myself! A person can weaken to immodesty when he feels vain, likeable or lightheaded and when the gates of the eyes are breached. The bottom line is: Defer to the wisdom of the Torah regarding the laws of Shmirat Einayim. They are relevant to every generation and every circumstance.

✔ VANQUISH IMPROPER THOUGHTS
“Who is strong? One who subdues his passions.” (Avot 4:1)
“A master of his passions is greater than the conqueror of a city.” (Mishlei 16:32 )
Rabbi Yisrael Salanter commented on these texts: with some of the most encouraging words of all time: “Man has the ability to have mastery over his nature. 1…Through Mussar study and force of habit, a person can transform himself.” (Ohr Yisrael, Igeret HaMussar)

✔ DON'T RATIONALIZE
Promiscuity begins with gazing at women who are forbidden to you. One should not rationalize that he is above such behavior. The purpose of the Torah laws of Shmirat Einaim is to help; us give our full love and attention to our wives permitted to you and strengthens the unique and special bond of love between you.

✔ DEVELOP AN AWARENESS OF HASHEM
Just a security guard will deter a thief from robbing a store, the awareness that you are in G-D'S presence. The awareness that G-D wants your wife to be the only woman in the world will empower you with the ability to control your eyes.

✔ DON'T BE DISCOURAGED
ⓐ. Consider the accounting of the Talmud (Taanit 21b) about Abba, a doctor who received daily "greetings" from Heaven for guarding his eyes.
ⓑ. A person who is regularly confronted with improper sights and controls his eyes is considered by G-d to be a mighty warrior. Our Sages tell us that you will be rewarded for averting your eyes with abundant blessings in this world as well as in the world to come
ⓒ. A dove has only one mate for his entire lifetime. "You will be like a watered garden and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail". The allusion to water depicts wisdom and understanding

✔ KNOW THE GUIDELINES FOR UNAVOIDABLE SITUATIONS:
Two types of confusion regarding guarding the eyes.
We fail to realize that a certain behavior conflicts with Halachah or
We rationalize doing an aveirah by insisting that it is not an aveirah. We may even imagine it to be a mitzvah

✔ PERFORM THE MITZVAH WITH JOY!
Every time we control our eyes we are performing an important mitzvah and taking caring of ourselves. We should do this with happiness and joy. Each word of Torah study, each second of contemplation and each effort we make to control our eyes will uplift and sanctify us.

✔ CONTROL YOUR HOME ENVIRONMENT
Your home can be a spiritual oasis, free of improper sights and full of Torah study and מצוות! The קדושה and purity of such a home nurtures the souls that live in it. Do you dress with the same modesty inside as you do outdoors? What sort of influence do you allow within the four walls of your home? The media has a destructive influence on virtually every individual. Internet should be filtered. Discuss with family.
By the way everything is better with modesty and humility

✔ PROVIDE A SPIRITUAL INHERITANCE FOR YOUR CHILDREN
From the beauty of the Shabbat one understands the importance of our heritage. The brave deeds of our forefathers (like יוסף) actions affect not only our spiritual nature but that of our descendants as well. One of the most powerful ways to guarantee that your children follow a lifestyle of מצוות is to strengthen your own commitment.

✔ GUARD YOUR MOUTH!
Guarding your tongue is very helpful in שמירת הברית . Here is a quote from Twersky:
There are many people who are desperate and say that they would do anything to be free of the compulsion. Here is something that will indeed take much effort, but if one is really ready to do anything, this can help greatly:
WATCH YOUR SPEECH! Be meticulous in avoiding ALL lashon hara (defamatory talk), any untruth, and any coarse language (see sources below).
In order to know what proper speech is and what is forbidden, avail yourself of the Chafetz Chaim's "Guard Your Tongue."
This may seem simple, but it really takes great effort, because we are in the habit of talking without giving much thought to what we say. To become conscious and watchful of speech is anything but simple, but if one is really interested in being free of sexual compulsions, this can be of great help.
Twerski

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 08 Oct 2014 06:59 #241095

You will regret it and be unhappy with yourself for giving in to a desire that is like salt water, only leaving you more thirsty.

Some saying on Passion: 12 Oct 2014 18:42 #241179

Some saying on Passion from trusted Jewish sources.
Passions

Passion blinds reason.

The test of a metal is in baking; men are valued for the mastery of their passions.

The wicked are guided by their evil passions.

The just lament not having performed good deeds, the wicked suffer if they fail to satisfy their passions.

Passion harbors only forbidden desires

I have been sold as a slave among slaves, but nothing in the world has broken me as much as my own passion.

The beginning of the passion is sweet, but its end is bitter.

To prolong one's life one should attenuate his passions

What should a man do to die? Surrender to vice and lust. What should he do to live? Die to all his passions.

The greater the man the greater his passions.

Passion seduces a man in this world, and testifies against him in the future world.

The wicked are subject to their passions; the righteous dominate and control them.

Every man is the slave to his passions.

In the beginning, the passions are as travelers carrying out a brief stay with us; then they are guests who visit us daily and ultimately they become absolute masters of our will.
Last Edit: 20 Oct 2014 03:03 by anonymous_14.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 13 Oct 2014 00:24 #241200

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Because it suks

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 20 Oct 2014 17:27 #241496

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Not sure if were up to 90,000 yet, but there sure is a heck of a lot!

imagine if this thread would be the inverse.
What are the reasons to act out?
I can think of only two and they are basically the same...."I want to," "it's enjoyable."

90,000 on one side, and two on the other...hhmmmmm....

If only we would be able to think durin' our throes of lust......
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 20 Oct 2014 21:27 #241531

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Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 20 Oct 2014 21:43 #241536

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nice...forgot about that one.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 08 Feb 2015 16:44 #248310

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I really like the topic, too bad this subject has not been visited upon for a while.

An emotional draw like lust needs an emotional counter force. Please bear with me. The following is tough to do but eternally worthwhile. Picture a pool of excrement- in liquid- smell the stench- picture yourself bathing in it.
Do this for at least 30 seconds.
Good, Now every time the "tingle" comes your way -remember that acting out is worse than bathing in that.
After only a moment of success(by pausing and not acting out) picture that the creator, sustainor and supervisor of the entire cosmos is proud of you!!!

Hashem knows your struggle and knows full well how to reward you.

Hatzlocho Rabo

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 16 Mar 2015 16:41 #250617

Acting out saps testosterone right out. You need that stuff to get strong. It takes a while to come back, too.
I've failed, but I'm still alive, no? And even not given that, perhaps I could try again.

כִּי יֹדֵעַ אֱלֹהִים כִּי בְּיוֹם אֲכָלְכֶם מִמֶּנּוּ וְנִפְקְחוּ עֵינֵיכֶם וִהְיִיתֶם כֵּאלֹהִים יֹדְעֵי טוֹב וָרָע:

The day has come...the fruit is Torah.

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 16 Mar 2015 20:19 #250631

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21
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

It ruins character 25 Mar 2015 00:53 #251182

R Yisrael Salanter
“Man has the ability to have mastery over his nature.…Through Mussar study and force of habit, a person can transform himself.”

What this means is that you cannot say about a bad habit that this is who you are, it is a shame and that's it. Here you have a true statement that any bad trait you have can be mastered and transformed into something good.

Character traits

When you stop lust you improve your character traits. Your positive character traits become stronger, your negative traits get easier to correct. With this your entire life becomes better as you can do more, have more satisfaction. You are much more respected and admired.
One the other hand lust brings down all your traits and weakens you. If you were courageous once you find yourself doing cowardly things. If you were lazy you would be even lazier. Having weakened traits renders you a lesser person in every respect. You are wasting the best part of yourself. But the stupidest thing of all is that you are doing so over nothing.

Over nothing? Yes because when it comes down to it we are creatures of habit, you have formed a bad habit that is bringing you down, you should form good habits that don't. Once you are used to something, you find yourself liking it. Once you like it you will want to continue.

When you stop lust, you will gain immensely in pleasure. Not the minute, miniscule pleasure that last brings. But the immense pleasure of preserving and developing your best self. Of being the best you can possibly be instead of wasting it all over a silly nothing. The pleasure of knowing that you will not fail. The raise in self esteem, self respect in doing all those things you know excel in.
When you continue to lust , you have pain of knowing you are wasting your better self. The pain of knowing for sure that there many things you should be doing, can be doing, but are unable to due to your weakness in character. It is a source of pain and regret to waste one day and then another while worsening your character traits each time.

If you say, "I have tried, I cannot stop. Whatever you say to me is irrelevant." I would tell you to do the following exercise. Sit down and answer the questions... Do I really want to continue doing this for the rest of my life? How is this ever going to change? What can I do to stop this? The next step is to say this to G-d in form a prayer.

If you get over your lust you will be doing the right thing. With improved character you can meet your responsibilities and challenges much better because you have your better self to work with. You will feel better about yourself. You will also be able to be better for your loved ones and everything in your life will improve.
It is wrong to continue down this path. It is wrong because you have a duty to yourself to not waste your life. To not invite regret and failure. You have a responsibility to your loved ones that you have to try to fulfill and lust is only stopping you.
Don't forget that lust is but a bad habit. From your perspective it is more. Perhaps you see it as unescapable, something incredibly difficult to stop, something that has gotten the better of you, I am so sorry that you do. Every addiction school says the same thing, only with G-d's help can you stop this. With G-d's help there is nothing that you can't beat because G-d is above everything. You can be sure it is worth stopping.

Re: It ruins character 25 Mar 2015 03:13 #251189

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anonymous_14 wrote:
You can be sure it is worth stopping.


I stopped, too.

Hundreds of times.




With mikvah and R Nachmans tikun klali and with the kitzur's yesod yosef, and with the arizal's mikvah and with many other things helping me all the way, I stopped hundreds of times.

I loved stopping! There is nothing quite like it. I am serious.

There is no high like 'doing Teshuvah', 'finally stopping', and being accepted back. They are very tempting. And I kept porning and masturbating myself while my marriage, job, and fatherhood were all becoming shams and slowly falling apart.

Only until I was ready to face the fact that I was ill and that I could not solve this problem on my own, was I really ready to start depending on G-d's help. I needed to walk into SA meetings without a bag on my head, with my yarmulkeh and Jewish real name, and admit the whole truth about myself and keep admitting it and work their program openly and honestly...and I am still doing that today and sober for 18 years, and life is good.

And there are many of us who have quit stopping.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 26 Mar 2015 20:28 #251329

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Yes it is a struggle. But it says in Chazal, Torah, If a person comes to be purified, they help him from Heaven! So the more you're able to fight it, and stay clean, you are becoming holier. G-d bless You!!

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 26 Mar 2015 20:49 #251331

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Hi and Welcome, why don't you start a thread in the "introduce yourself" section so we can get to know you better?

Re: 90,000 Reasons To Say NO to acting out.... in 20 words or less 27 Mar 2015 00:20 #251346

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PowerLude wrote:
Yes it is a struggle. But it says in Chazal, Torah, If a person comes to be purified, they help him from Heaven! So the more you're able to fight it, and stay clean, you are becoming holier. G-d bless You!!


Are you finding that to be the case for you?
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
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