Harav Regular,
Gevalt!
If you and I don't crank it up after reading what the berdichever and the Guard wrote it'll be whatever the opposite of a miracle is.  ???
Motza fi Hashem. That's what we are getting here!

Hello Mr. Regular Guy.
I'm hope you have not been scared off.
Let me explain a bit.
R' Bardichev is one of the jolliest guys on the forum, a bit on the hyper side. R' Dov is one of the most down to earth, practical, sincere, and humble guys on the forum.
In Hashem's wonderous ways, they are also good friends.
And they have used your thread a bit to kibutz, with me still a little puzzled.

But never mind, its still your thread.

Please describe your frustrations. This is one of the most amazing parts of GUI. you can write what was always bothering you and could not discuss with others lest they look at you like a cockaroach (never mind that they have worse on their minds that they are not discussing with you)

What inevitably happens is you get expert advise from those who have been there (yes, believe it or not, you will find you are NOT the first) and gotten past it.

And it is like a load of bricks (really a load of other stuff... smelly stuff) off your shoulders and head.

So, use the opportunity, and its free too!

(just don't be specifically graphic, we do not want to 'trigger' anyone).

R' Wolfson said about this site: Minay u'bay shaday bay narga, meaning that it is using the poison of the internet (anonymity and inexpensiveness) to strike back at it.

The genius of Rabbeinu Guard. OF course, as he will tell you, he is simply a cog in Hashem's machine. But what a wonderful cog he is.
(there is a "we love the Heileger Guard" thread.... check it out!)

Looking for your post,

Kutan

:'(
I am the most confused person on this forum.
As you can see I cancelled my membership and reinstated it.
I can feel the words of MrB and dov .but I am still confused.
Thursday night was horrible
I had a major Mikre layla .(it was an ones gammur and I was dreaming of hetter thoughts, I apologize for the openess , I am not used to expressing s*xual thoughts.)
I feel I taunted my YH by posting.

I really need help.my menuval YH
convinces me that I am really a good guy therefore I do not need to be extra cautious when I am around Frum people.
that is my problem
I am curious and almost entranced by Frum women who push the Tznius envelope and they do it with such creativity.I know I am not hired to be a Mashgiach I am just stuck .
RG 

Hey, you didn't taunt your YH by posting, you THREATENED him, big time!  :D :D :D
You surely know, however, that the mikray layla is not an issue.

I hear your problem. Please know however, that the problem you have is no different in source than any one elses on the forum, just in the way it comes out.

So, first off, do you want to change? Do you REALLY want to change? If there was a big green oversized button on the keyboard in front of you that if you pushed it you would be rid of these urges forever, would you push it without thinking twice?

Great!

Then you can.

Suggestion:
Scout around the forum. Take a thread and go through it from the begining to end. if it doesn't talk to you, take another. Try Bardichevs battle, if you want a suggestion to start. has good jokes too!

Then please come back and post your thoughts. little me and about 50 amazing people on this forum will be waiting for your input, and we would love to help you improve in this area.

with warmest wishes,

kutan

holy REGULAR

I HOPE I DIDN'T SCARE YOU OFF

I FEEL YOU ARE VERY CLOSE TO OPENING UP

FEEL COMFORTABLE AND BE OPEN HERE

YOUR BATTLE IS NOT SO DIFFERRENT THAN MOST PEOPLES

WE ARE ALL BATTLING THE SAME YH

ONLY WE ARE ATTACKED FROM DIFFERENT ANGLES

WHY NOT START A 90 DAY COUNT OF DAYS YOU DON'T LOOK

AT "FRUM" WOMEN.

I REALLY WISH YOU THE MOST HATZLACHA

YOU SHOULD READ ALL OTHER POSTS HERE

AND POST AWAY!!!!

b

guardureyes wrote on 07 Aug 2009 08:36:


Dear R Guard - this is how I understood this chazal too, while looking at it from within the bowels of acting out, and still understand it the same way now.

Dear Regular - I'm taking Kutan's lead here: What do you really want to be like? What are you actually doing that you no longer want to do? Talking about hirhurim and feelings/wishes is not really enough for most of us to get anywhere with. We have little reason to assume we'll ever gain complete control over our feelings and desires. Aspirations, yes. But once they are habitual, there is really only one thing to do: No matter how much it hurts, we must do the only truly sane thing: Learn how to do exactly the opposite of whatever our tendency (you can call it YH, if you'd prefer, but I don't) is.
Meaning, if I tend to whine about my problems (especially spiritual ones), daven for someone else instead, saying, "to heck with me and my tzores! What about him?; whenever I find myself intersted in a new theory about why other people are so pritzusdikeh or what their lives must be like, I stop immediately and decide to think about what is missing in my middos for a few minutes, instead. First off, I -like you - look at others rather negatively sometimes (a bad middah), judge them regardless of knowing their upbringing or ta'ayvos (a bad middah), and most often, use what is wrong with other people to get my own focus off myself  (a really bad middah, as it leads to guaranteed perpetuation in all other bad middos). In short, we are all pretty screwed up (though we are getting better be"H ). So whenever it comes to what is wrong with other people - any other people - my perscription is to say, "to heck with them and their faults (sound familiar)! In what way can I improve? That is what I believe Hashem is "telling" you in each of these cases.
If you are tired of being just a regular guy , then try what I am sharing with you. Don't think about it chas vesholom, just do it. Otherwise you'll just get more of the same. And I doubt the old approach has benefitted the people you obsess about very much, and it certainly hasn't benefitted you any. Except maybe for bringing you to GYE...Helped any?
Only one way to find out, my friend.

YOU KNOW DOV=REBBEREBBER

TODAY IS THE YAHRTZEIT OF REB AHARON OF BELZ ZT"L

THE BELZER REBBE NEVER EVER SAW BAD IN ANY JEW

MACHALEL SHABBOS= WAS TO HIM EINER VUSS MAINT SHABBOS IS FREITAG

NO KIPPA= PASKENT VI DI MAHRSHAL

NO TEFILLIN=LEIGT NISHT RABBEINI TAAM

BAAL AVEIRA= PSKENT VEE DI RAMBAM (YISROEL SHE-CHATTA YISROEL HU)

A DOCTOR ONCE ASKED THE RUV VUSS TRACHT DER RUV?? "GITS OIF YIDDEN"

ZECHUSO YAGEN ALEINU!!

b

REGULAR HEILEGE TZADDIK''

HERE IS A SERIOUS NOTE FROM MR.B

YOUR EYES MAY SEE FRUM WOMEN ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL THAN YOU

BUT.. YOUR PERSPECTIVE CAN SEE SOMETHING MUCH MRE LOFTY

OR AS MY REBBEREBBER=DOV SAYS

IT CAN "SEE" NOTHING

b

I am realizing that my YH is just a trick. I will try not to look if I do I will not judge or fantasize.

thank you all

OK YOU ARE IN THE BATTERS BOX NOW

GO  FOR A HOME RUN!!!

WE WILL BE CHEERING

REBBEREBBER=DOV TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME!!!!

#44

Ut azoy!

Reb b, shlit"a

A confession:

          ICH BIN EINEH MET FAN!  (oy vai, poo, poo)
PS. Vos meint "#44" - us met fans need more "help", you know...

Reb Regular:

If you can "not look" w/o help from Hashem and other people on a continuous daily basis, then please get a patent quick! You'd be the
first one! and please read reply #36 above again slowly. As Abba Eban (i think ) used to say, "the devil is in the details" (yechhh!). I'll read it, too.
Love,
Dov

#44

ER IS GEVEN A SHTARKE CHEVRA MAN VUSS HUT GEKENT GITT SHLUGGIN DER

GROISEH HULTZINEH BAT (PULKEH)

ER HUT GEMACHT DI BALL (KNIEDEL) FLEE-IN VAYT IN HOY-ICH

IN ALLE MENTSHEN ZENEN A HEIM GELUFIN

ER HUR GE HEISIN REGGI!!

b

bardichev wrote on 12 Aug 2009 15:54:


THERE YOU GO!!!
Myfirst hearty laugh of the day... you beat 7up to it!
Thanks very much, Dr. B

kutan

As the other holy members pionted out no woman is forcing you to look at her. Even if you don't understand that you are not being forced please (for your sake) use laungauge that reflects your choose (I am choosing to look at a frum woman) and in a short amount of time it will change your perspective.

Also don't get caught up in the details of who per say you are looking at. It is all lust and you just have some rationalization for this kind over that kind.

Also it might be helpful to ask yourself "how have you helped yourself by checking who is up to par in tzinous?" "What will I gain from checking?" "Will Masheiyach not come if you don't check?" "Will the sun rise tomorrow if you don't check?" Write down answers and see if you like them.

You might be interested in this article that has been posted other places on this site  www.drsorotzkin.com/psychological_factors.html