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I am just a regular guy
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TOPIC: I am just a regular guy 4864 Views

I am just a regular guy 04 Aug 2009 20:22 #10737

  • regularguy
Shalom Aleichem
I am a regular guy.Hard working Kovea Ittim 3 times a day in  Shul.
All have you have either met me or someone like myself.
I have tremendous respect for all the people you are fighting a very hard battle.

My battle may not be as hard but I can use your help.I have decent shemiras einayim Iam careful where I shop and where I go.
Just being a regular guy and minding my own .I am very triggered by mild Tznius lapses.I am not sure if I am the only person who has this problem.It is  very embarrassing.I have a Rosh Yeshiva but I can not dicuss it with him.

There are two kinds of triggers that really get me .One is women who push the tznius enevelope.Show a little hair, wear tight clothing that reveals the layers beneath,wearing skirts that cover the knees in the front but not in the back.
I feel bad and you may think I am a lowlife. I am here for help,ideas,and chizzuk.

Does any one here know what I am saying or understand me?
I will check here to see if you have any ideas or chizzuk.

thank you tizku limitzvos

regular guy
Last Edit: 04 Aug 2009 22:56 by chazakchazak.

Re: I am just a regular guy 04 Aug 2009 23:02 #10792

  • the.guard
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Welcome to our community!

(I had to remove one of your "triggers" as so not to "trigger" anyone else. I apologize).

Yes, sure we understand you. No, you are not a lowlife AT ALL. Most guys here are struggling with worse things than you are.

I don't have much time to post now, but maybe reading through this page can help you get started: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Tips/GuardEyes2.asp

May Hashem be with you!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by perdonado62.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 03:17 #10816

  • Holy Yid
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You are not a low life.

It is brought in the name of the Vilna Goan that everyone who ever lived since the world was created and everyone who will live until Masheiyach  arrives (except for the six who died without sin) thought or will think forbidden thoughts. This includes  the Prophets, the Tanayim, Amoraim and all the Gedolim of all generations.

The Yatzer in this area is EXTREMELY strong and the battle is very hard for all people. Having a few slips does not define who you are. Also now you are working to improve your self in this area. This should change your whole perspective on how you look at your self regrading lust. You are now on the road to Teshuva! (Don't think of Teshuva the way you though of it in high school. It is so much deeper and broader than that. See 'Leaping Soul' by Chaim Feinberg  Chapter 14 for a deep explanation of Teshuva. It is also one that in inline with the idea of recovery.)

Being the road of Teshuva is a glorious thing. Take heart that you are moving up. You are also part of a tzeibor that is doing teshuva and that makes it even more chashuv.

Regrading your struggle I can relate to that also. I think that because I or you think that those woman are more in our realm we are drawn toward them more than we are towards a shiktza who is less tzineios. We need to remember that there is no difference between a shiktza and a frum woman regarding looking. There could be a lot more going on in our minds also but I need to think about this.

Lots of bracha.
זכרני נא, זכרני נא, וחזקני נא אך הפעם הזה, הפעם הזה, האלקים, ואנקמה נקם אחת משתי עיני, מפלשתים
Last Edit: 09 Aug 2009 22:58 by yojo.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 07:31 #10830

  • Holy Yid
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It is told that Rav Elya Lopain once said "I am eighty year old and blind in one eye and the Yatzer Hara still hasn't given up on me"
זכרני נא, זכרני נא, וחזקני נא אך הפעם הזה, הפעם הזה, האלקים, ואנקמה נקם אחת משתי עיני, מפלשתים
Last Edit: by OhelDavid7.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 08:59 #10835

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You are in good company!
Don't be sad
You ARE a regular guy, everyman who is healthy notices these things - That's the way Hashem wanted us.

Please however differentiate between noticing, glancing, looking and staring

If you just happen to notice or glance and then look away and start thinking about something else - especially Torah - you have just performed the Mitzva of Lo Tasuru - par exellance!

Keep succeeding in curbing your desires and habits - it's a long battle and take it one day at a time.
Give up on the lust, and Let G-d take over and help you.

Keep posting and telling us about how you feel.
Take advantage of the site and you will get stronger!
Keep posting
Last Edit: by StrugglingYid613.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 13:52 #10877

  • bardichev
rabbi regular

yes i meet you all the time you don't know me

I"m the man with the glasses and woodford bottle flip=flops

ok in all seriousness Mr. Regular

first of all shalom aleichem back to you

do not fall into the trap of the YH saying

yenems vayb is soooo un-tzenua

I know that YH hee is such a rotten sneak

He will do anything to get you off guard

yess  we live in a shvacher dor.

and that woman who is showing a little too much

try try to be dan her LKAF ZCHUS

weak chinnuch,not so careful ,having ahard day

these are not excuses

but... but.. In my life I made worse excuses to be oiver worse ISSURIM (yuck..cry..)

next try this exersize

if you hear someone elses cell phone ringing and you recognize that it has a different ring tone than yours do you pick up your phone ?? NO WAY!!

right?

good  you are a quick learner ( AND TYOU SOUND LIKE A NICE GUY TOO)

yenems vayb is someone elses ring-tone

BOOM!!

zeh hu!!

we can have an prez-Obama style woodford summit

we can discuss it!

ringing to my own tone

humble and happy

Mr. Un-Regular bardichev
Last Edit: by .

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 15:18 #10896

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Rabbi Frand once noted that biographies of Gedolim, wonderful as they are, sometimes do a disservice, by implying that these great people were born great, never had to struggle, and never had spiritual setbacks.  He quotes Rav Hutner in the Pachad Yitzchak (Igros) who said that who knows how many setbacks the Chafetz Chaim had in his Avodah of Shmiras Halashon!

Occasionally, a good biography is written that talks about the Nisyonos that Gedolim faced, and makes it quite clear that they were human.  There is a great Toeles in reading these biographies.  Unfortunately, they usually get banned.  Fortunately, not all Gedolim buy into the ban.  Unfortunately, those books are rarely reprinted and become difficult to obtain.
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by anonaaddy.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 16:07 #10902

  • regularguy
I really am amazed at the feedback.
I apologize to the moderator for my post I am sorry .
I will attempt to rephrase it and to clarify my problem.
I am used to thinking that I am plain regular and whatever triggers me is someone elses fault.always thinking why is she doing this too me?

I will try to rephrase my second problem is with women or with my self reacting to seeing women who seemingly bidavka dress in a untzniuss way.it seems they feel that once their head is covered by a wig all other laws do not apply. Further more they are carrying themselves in a way that they are screaming look at me now.
I do not intend to hurt or bash women it is just very hard to keep kosher eyes in this enviroment.

thanks for listening.
Last Edit: by .

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 18:06 #10921

  • the.guard
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Hey regular,

Boy do we understand you! Your pain is very real. And most of us on this forum, as addicts, feel this pain even more acutely than you can imagine. But sometimes, we addicts are lucky. Since we know that seeing such women (as you describe) brings us to insanity - we are ALLERGIC to lust, we can't afford to check out whether these women are "tznius" or not, we can't afford to feel rightious indignation about the low state of things in Klal Yisrael. We have no choice but to leave this "valuable" research to others... For us, it is pure poison. We addicts, have a petur in "fixing the world". It's a petur of Pikuach nefesh. And so, we have no choice but to learn how to guard our eyes completely and avoid places where such women hang out like the plague.

Did you get a chance to read all the way through that page I linked above (from top to bottom)? It contains a lot of great ideas that can help you change your attitude to Shimras Ainayim and make it a lot easier. Also, please see this FAQ page. And please read the GuardYourEyes handbook, Tool #2.

And the attitude handbook can help a lot as well.

May Hashem be with you!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 05 Aug 2009 18:09 by Tahor62.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 18:25 #10924

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Mr. Reg.

Yes! this is the world we live in & it aint getting any better.

Even thou Frum woman are a bigger Trigger to us the the rest of the Animalistic/Humans out there, we can't walk Daled Amos without a Riya Asurah & There's Nothing, & I say Nothing we can do, to fix the World,Continent, State, City, Zip code,Beis Medrash, Street, Home, ok maybe our own home, but what we CAN DO is fix our selves.

Work on ourselves from now until we Die!

Sorry for being so Blunt, but this is the world Hashem wants us to be in, & these are the fights Hashem wants us to Battle.

So we can Take it Or Leave it! but its just how it is!

Now that said, it doesn't mean that we cant fight & win the war, because we can! as long as we are fighting we are ultimately growing stronger even if we get hit every now & then.

We Will Work On Our Selves, We Will & We Can Win!

bardichev said a gevaldiger vort the other day,

How do we clean up the dirt out there in the world?

By M'At Mei Ha'Orr Docheh Harbei M'Hachoshech!

Every time we fight the Y'H. we create Orr Light/Kedusha, & our Light/Kedusha literally wipes out the Darkness/Tumah in the world! BOOM! lol

So the more we Fight the more Light/Kedushe we create the more Darkness/Tuma will be wiped off the face of the earth, The easier our fight will be.

Check out Reb bardichevs Post in full below.

E.L.


ME-AT MIN HA OHR DO-CHE HARBEH!!!! MIN HACHOSHECH

HKB"H CREATED THE WORLD AND THE "ADAM" TO BE YASHAR

THE WORLD IS CROOKED CORRUPTED BENT AND BROKEN

IT IS NOT AT IT'S "TACHLIS" YET

WHEN YOU "CHOOSE" NOT TO GO ON YOUTUBE

SOMEONE SOMEWHERE WILLNOT BUY A PLA***y MAGAZINE

WHEN YOU "CHOOSE" NOT TO GO ON FOLLOW A LINK TAHT IS SO TANTILIZING

SOMEONE SOMEWHERE WILL NOT MAST****

WHEN YOU "CHOOSE" NOT TO STARE AT A SCANTILY CLAD PERSON(OF SORTS )

SOMEONE SOMEWHERE WILL NOT ACT OUT ON HIS LUST

WHEN YOU "CHOOSE" NOT TO READ DIRTY MAGAZINES

SOMEONE SOMEWHERE AND SOME HOW A P*** MOVIE FILE WILL CRASH

WHEN YOU "CHOOSE" NOT TO TALK TRASH

SOME HOW A LITTLE BOY IN CHEDER WILL LEARN TORAH WITH MORE ENTHUSIASM

WHEN YOU INSTALL A FILTER

A SEFER TORAH WILL BE WRITTEN

WHEN YOU DELETE YOUR OLD GARBAGE

SOMEONE WILL DRESS TZNIUSDIK


WHO IS THAT SOME ONE IT CAN BE ME OR YOUR CHILDEREN OR MAYBE EVEN YOU YOURSELF

ME-AT MIN HA-OHR
DO-CHE HARBEHHHHH MIN HACHOSHECH

LET US DO OUR ME-AT

HAMIKADESH ATZMO ME-AT MIKADSHIN OSO HARBEH

WE CAN NOT WIPE OUT THE Y"H

WE CAN NOT SHUT DOWN THE INTERNET

WE CAN NOT WIPE  OUT THE P*** INDUSTRY

WE CAN NOT TELL OUR OWN SISTERS TO DRESS IN A MORE MODETST WAY

WE CAN TELL OUR BROTHERS TO NOT LUST

WE CAN NOT TELL PEOPLE NOT TO FEEL EXCITED FROM IMMORAL VIEWS

SO WHAT CAN WE DO

BRING A LITTLE KEDUSHA IN OUR WORLD

OY YOY VETAHER LIBEINU LI-OVDECHA BE-EMES

bardichev
Last Edit: 05 Aug 2009 18:39 by pleaseGD.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 19:10 #10938

Hi Mr R' Regular person,
Glad to have you on board. Would love to add something, but everyone else has pretty much said it already.

And again, in my kutan opinion, bardichev wins.

But he's my Rebbeh, so I'm noigaihe.

Listen, if you WANT to get this under control, you CAN. but you really have to WANT.

you have to realize that living this way is not a way.

Then you can make it disappear.

The it, BTW, is the attitude. Not the feeling. The feeling is normal and will always be there. But with the GUE attitude / Berdichev attitude / tamim2B attitude (take your pick... spend time exploring the forums) the feelings will be manageable and will be a part of your life you will appreciate.

Think this way: as low as you feel now for getting triggered by whatever, that's how GREAT you will feel when you learn how not to get triggered by these things, meaning learning how to deal with it.

I used to come up (to the Catskills) for the weekends all wound up. Now, baruch Hashem, I come up and and if my wife is tired or whatever, its OK. it really is.  She is amazed. frankly, so am I .

The first thing you need to have to be successful here is the RATZON to change. Then you can take your pick of a supermarket of ideas. Some will work for you. Guaranteed. I'll bet a bottle of B's wooderford (whatever it is, it sounds expensive) on that.

B'hatzlacha!

k
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by Chizukneeded.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 19:58 #10947

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kutan,

watch out what you are betting on.

you might have to take out a second mortgage for all that woodford.

but you can bet on more then that because you are right We Can Find Many Ideas How To Deal With It If We Really Want To.
Last Edit: by lostneshoma.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 20:04 #10950

Nice pic EL.
I really must get something. I feel so...  simple.
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by sef.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 21:34 #10975

  • Uri
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What's a regular guy?
Is there such a thing among yidden?
-confused in Jerusalem
Last Edit: by zoobie.

Re: I am just a regular guy 05 Aug 2009 21:54 #10980

  • bardichev
meaning not an addict to p*** and stuff like that

I think we are giving Mr>regular a hard time

Hello Mr.Regular guy

my name is bardichev am am the hyper guy on the forum

I think you have some good points

Think of it this way

She is her own problem

she is right now a tiny nisayon for you

If you really did care about her ruchniyuss

maybe your koach ha-givurah eill be mizakkeh her to be chozers bitshuva

BOOM! keep on walking!!

buy an mp3 like ben moshe

Do mitzvos with FIRE FIRE FIRE

do not get me wrong mr regular

we love all jews here

but that Rosh Yeshivah of yours could have told you that

this this is is what LIFE IS ALL ABOUT

fight fire with fire

be a show off too
buy big tzisis buy a gorgeous lulav or a new tallis (ATARA..hmmm ask the rosh  this question)

you get my drift???

Im funny no?? remeber me from the dorm?/ yeah I grew up now
now I am a big clown then i was a wanna be big clown??

lighten up buddy!!


b
Last Edit: by myserenity32.
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