Hi,

I know there is already a lot of material on the forum about this, but I just wanted to share something which is really working for me. Its a variation on the tafsik method and is not my original idea - I was inspired to do it by someone else here on GYE. I made a commitment that if I wanted to look at p@rn online first I would do one of 4 things, 1)talk thru how I'm feeling with my wife, or 2) go for a 30min run/exercise, or 3) learn Torah for 30mins, or 4) read about the holocaust for 30mins. If I did anyone of these 4 actions before looking then I would only have to give $75 to tzedakah, if I did not do any of these 4 actions but just went right ahead and looked I would have to give $750 to tzedaka. BH I haven't looked at any p@rn online since I made this commitment. Again this is someone elses idea (thank you whoever it was - sorry I cant say it over b'seim amru) - it helps me a lot, I hope it can help you too.

KT,

CF

Awesome! That's real commitment!
Hatzlacha!
Alex

Right when I started my current streak I read through two Primo Levi books. Shmiras einayim on the bus is easy! You wanna look at a pretty girl? You can, but first you have to read five pages of Survival in Auschwitz. Auschwitz is  a maaaaaajor turn-off. It is, of course, only a mechanical means of putting off the urge, but it carries me when I can't find surrender or it guides me to surrender.

Keep rolling with it!

Yeah, I think the whole problem for me is that the YH gets me to act quick quick, just look before you have time to think, forget consequences, forget everything you know, forget Hashem, just look,  and then once you're in there its hard to get out.  Here with this method I have found that it forces you to refocus before you get into that zone - spend a little time thinking about the Holocaust or Torah, or your wife or your children, i.e. plug back into reality - get out of the fake world, it makes it harder for the YH to get you.

B'kitzur - who can look at p@rn after spending 30mins reading about Trebinka?

What you are describing is really the new Double Fence TaPhSiC shevuah that the Guard released a few months ago and which has saved me more than once since then. It is important to start a new shevuah before the old one runs out.

Hattzlocho.

wow, that would really make my acting out vERY time consuming and VERY expensive.

Thats exactly the point, I just raised the stakes so high to make the consequences tangible and not worth it. I am unemployed now (so a lot of time on my hands) so taking a $750 hit is just not possible for me right now. The YH when he gets us in the moment makes us forget all consequences - with this method its just much harder to forget the consequences.

Well my problem with that is I would devise loopholes and strategies to bypass the $750.  Could I pay by way of promissory note or gift in kind?  The insanity requires in-depth study and treatment.  if it works in the short term, that could be good, but long term, I need a programme.

I thought about that problem and what I did to avoid that was make very clear in advance and write down the conditions of the commitment ie. no promissary notes etc, I even wrote down a list of terms that I am not allowed to put into a search engine.

That said there's nothing better than a program, this is a technique which worked for me but if you need a program go and get one - today.

Hi chulentfreser (what a name  )

Thanks for the idea. It looks like this method would work great for me.
So I make a strong commitment (not a shvuah just bl"n)
When I'm about to fall I'll do first one of the following for 30 minutes. 1) talk to a family member 2) listen to a hotline _{1 & 2 needs to be outside the bathroom} 3) go out on the street for just a walk or to accomplish something 4) say thilim. If despite all that I still fall I'll donate $60 to GYE, However, if I fall without doing any of this for full 30 minutes I'll donate to GYE $600

I'm committing myself only for the next fall

I'm posting this just to make it official to me

_{today is day 1 by me}

Good luck!

One suggestion - I was very specific in my commitment what constitutes a fall cos the YH can really get you on this. I said a fall is defined as the following - typing any of the following words into a search engine (and I then listed all the words that I could think of that I might use to find innapropriate sites) or follow any link which is clearly pornographic.

GGood Shabbos

Hi
Yes this is a very important point. to be specifis
In regards to the internet: if I type in any word or click a link that is in anyway relates to pornography, I will consider it a fall. just for typing. I'm also setting very specific rules as to what a fall would mean outside the computer. it might be a little graphical to write in detail. basically I would consider a fall after spilling seed (even a drop. _{if you understand what I mean by that})

I'm raising the amount to 75 - 750

although its bli neder, I'm "seriously" committing myself to pay, should I fall

I could see this working for me

Thanks again

Good luck.

I think I understand what you mean by this "basically I would consider a fall after spilling seed (even a drop. if you understand what I mean by that)" but just make sure it is something which can be defined in a clear and specific way otherwise you will have all these questions did I fall didnt I, and you can drive yourself a bit crazy with that, as well as leave space for a fall.
All the best.

im not alone wrote on 05 Jun 2011 18:55:


If you mean what I think you mean (one an unconscious consequence, one a deliberate act); beware of the following:

I've fallen, I cannot get lower - I might as well go all the way.

Remedy?  Put the "drop" at 75, and the "fall" at 750, and make a distinction between them.

I am only suggesting this to keep you within realistic limits - you know yourself better than I do, though.

Edit:  The natural inclination of some people (we can also call it a YH, I guess) is to push themselves to perfection, and set unrealistic goals.  This inevitably results in failure (yes, inevitably), because we define success as the result, and not our own work.  We cannot always control results, but we can control our own work.  With the right work will come the right results, whatever they may be at any given time.  But the failure results in despair, which is a self-perpetuating cycle, which is well known and discussed on these forums.

Set yourself up to succeed, not to fail at perfection.

I have used the "I'm not perfect defense" to justify acting out within a period of abstinence though, so how do you explain that one.