Dear fyi,
Perhaps I am misjudging you. Just please let me know it. But I must take off my gloves. Hope this is helpful.
So when we say there is no hope, it is the YH?
Then let me ask you about Chaza"l. When they say: "
Ein lanu al mi/mah lehisha'en ella al Avinu sh'baShomayim," that means even us - right? That we do not have the ability to depend on us and our power, but only on Hashem and His power....so
they are 'the YH', too?
I doubt that is what you really mean, is it? Please hear me out.
I am not talking for any Yid who has a little porn habit. Others are here for that. They need chizzuk, hadrocha, and such. And they do get better!
I am talking to addicts, not to those yidden who fit nicely into the group you are trying to encourage with chizzuk and Torah. I am talking to those of us who have something wrong with us. Whether they see it clearly yet now, or not, the people I am speaking for, are sick. They eventually see this for themselves and do not need you or me to show them - Hashem does it for them.
They are the same people who have been getting advice like "Keep trying!," "Giving up is the YH!," "Hashem does not give anyone a nisayon he or she cannot overcome!," and "even if you fail, the struggle is so precious to the Ribono shel Olam!" I do not know if this is what you mean, at all, but it sounds a bit to me like that is what you mean.
Are you here on the forum because you have been healed of schmutz and masturbation for a year or so, or are you here because you still do it yourself? If you stopped for a year or so because of not giving up, then please share what you did! But I am talking to most people who are still struggling and have not had such success yet. They get chizzuk to keep doing what they are trying so hard to do and crying real tears for...
And all along they are hiding in a smelly corner of their minds and hating themselves - and occasionally secretly hiding in a smelly corner of the velt and taking their porn and enjoying their zera levatola...with terrible burden of guilt that just builds and builds.
But 'the struggle is such a mitzvah' - so, why
should they ever stop struggling and really get the help they need
to learn how to live without the schmutz? Why? The struggle is precious - once they "win" - what will be precious then? How will life look without this mess, we wonder?
You offer them nothing more than a double jeopardy,
and label it "Ratzon Hashem":
1- Stop masturbating because it's
good to stop....yet
2- keep doing what you are doing (
that is failing miserably so far) because it is
good, too.
There is no way out for these people your way. But really, why should there be? It's
precious...no? And they
can do it...no?
And they are encouraged to believe that they are precious and beloved to Hashem - just by virtue of the fact that they are struggling the precious struggle. In the meantime, what do their wives say, who are being betrayed by their husbands looking at and fantasizing and breathing hard about strange naked women? Nu. They should be proud? They should feel safe?
And how many of the people I have met here on GYE say they have a "porn problem" and really it is much worse and they have contact with other women or with men? What of them? And more important - what of
their wives? You tell them to "keep fighting," even though they are already losing and betraying their wives with other women...but Hashem rejoices in the precious struggle of a yid? Who will tell this great nechomah to their wives? You?
Oh, I forgot. They are hiding behind a computer and a username here on GYE. So their wives don't have to know...
So which part does Hashem find more precious? The continued hiding and lying about sex and lust for the sake of "upholding the Torah"? Or is it the crying these people do all alone in the mikvah after saying tikkun klali secretly....so
no one real should know about their problem?
Nu. Maybe one day
Hashem will once again be "
someone real" for them....
And that is all that the 12 steps is about. And I say every yid is precious to Hashem even if he is not struggling to overcome his YH! But we are not an a beauty pageant to Hashem, here. We are here to be mentchen first (that's derech eretz) as human beings,
and to successfuly keep the Torah as His
special people.
There is no Torah without derech eretz,
period. Plenty of crying and fake deveikus that feels oh, so real - but no Torah, at all. Zero. The recovery I am giving away is for derech eretz for those of us who do not have it, cuz we have come to admit that we are sick in the head and body. I do not try to convince anyone that they are addicts! Ever! I just try to help them open up their own eyes if they want to and see what they know about themselves.
In fact, I believe
most yidden out there
do have the power to overcome the YH for porn and masturbation because I feel strongly that the overwhelming majority of yidden who like looking at porn
just have a YH and a bad habit, and
not an addiction. I am not one of those, but have been clean for 14 years nonetheless, b'Chesed Hashem. I make a kiddush in my shul for that every year, so far (though only my wife and I know what it is about!
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
).
Hashem
surely loves when we get free of our ingrained insanity and stupidity and can once again serve Him as sane yidden. And that is what I am trying to do today.
Anything wrong with that?
Sorry for another megillah, and sorry if I snubbed you, nothing personal, I promise. I just feel I had to get that off my chest. Now, let me have it...everybody else is.... :-[