Southern US.

I started an accountability thread to see if anyone is interested in an IM/gTalk/MSN relationship, as I'm on these services all the time.

Let's just say my post count will likely skyrocket in the coming weeks

Congrats on passing 30 days!  And for withstanding the test of being alone in a hotel room.  Sounds like the tests just keep coming.  You'll be battle-hardened before long.

No stopping this freight train now!

Alex

musicguy wrote on 10 Jun 2011 14:42:


I've been waiting for the musicguy to meet up with the musicman.  When and where's the concert?

Musicguy, congrats on 30 days.  As the French are wont to say:  Continued Hatzlacha!

Hi all - haven't been on to update the journal in a bit. 

I'm still clean - it's 41 days now. 

Yesterday I broke my left leg in two places (ankle and fibula) and sprained my right ankle.  It happened while working at a hotel (I'm an event planner)... I was walking down a flight of steps and didn't see the last one.  I felt my ankles just crumble under me. The pain was the worst I've ever felt, and it was a good 2 hours before they got me any painkillers at the hospital.  I got a splint and saw a doctor today, and they are doing surgery early tomorrow morning to put 4 pins in my left ankle.  I will be in a splint for a few days until the swelling goes down, then a cast for 4-6 weeks, then a boot for another 4 weeks.  They say it will be uncomfortable for about a year.

Because my right ankle was sprained, it's been very painful to stand on that foot, and I can't walk even with crutches.  I was unable to walk the short path to our house, and knew I wouldn't be able to get up the stairs where our 1 bathroom is... so we went back to the hotel and they put me up in a room for a couple nights.  This has been much easier for me - I use a wheelchair to go from the car to the bed to the restaurant, rather than being stuck in bed all day like I would be at home.  I have been able to stand on one foot for very short times, just long enough to go to the bathroom or get in or out of the chair.  The doctor gave me a boot for my right foot which makes it easier (I will use it later for my left foot).

So that's the story - hopefully the worst is behind me! 

Sad to hear about the physical fall, glad to hear that your still standing in the real struggle.  Wishing you a speedy and painless recovery.

Refua Sheleima.

--Eye.

Wow! Nice work!
Wishing you a quick and complete recovery.
Consider taking a vitamin D supplement.  It's important for your bones and you won't be getting much sun with the broken leg and all. (example: D3 1000 units daily--watch the kashrus)

I found that when I was suffering physically my addiction was weakened.  Hope it's the same for you.  Congrats on your continued sobriety.

Alex

Yoish!  :'(

Refuah Sheleimah BiMeheirah!!!  :-*

So, who can you sue? 

E

Hi all...

Still home recovering from my broken leg (and now a blood clot) but I have good news... today is 60 days clean for me!  It feels great. It definitely got easier after 30 days.  Thanks for all your your support. 

Now the idea of hitting 90 days doesn't seem impossible!

Have a great weekend all...

Musicguy

Awesome!
Days become months!
But when the going gets tough, remember you only need to get through one day at a time.
Refuah Shlaima
Alex

Congrats!

--Eye.

I haven't been on in a while so I thought it was time for me to update my journal.  I am still recovering from a broken leg so my life has been very difficult than normal for the last 5 weeks.  I am supposed to get my cast off in a week and hopefully will be able to walk with a boot so life should slowly get back to normal.

I am still clean (76 days!) but have been engaging in some behavior that is risky for me.  I flip channels on the TV at night after my wife falls asleep looking for something to M to.  Once I even looked for a clip of a TV show on YouTube on my Tivo.  This is risky behavior for me because I have learned that that kind of behavior is just one step away from pulling out my computer and looking at pornography. Even staying up late after my wife goes to sleep is bad for me - it feels like "time off" to me and "time to enjoy myself", both of which can lead to unhealthy behaviors. 

I have to go back to my normal routine of going to sleep when my wife goes to sleep - that will mostly fix the problem.  I know checking in here will help me to identify this behavior and become more mindful about correcting it.

Totally relate to the slippery slope.  For me it would start with mainstream magazines...

It takes huge discipline to go to sleep when you should.  Keeping us tired is one of the master generic tricks of the YH.

To 90 and beyond!

Refuah Shlaima

Alex

musicguy wrote on 24 Jul 2011 16:10:


I was just stuck at home for 6 weeks due to home rennovations.  I thought I was handling it well--I lowered my expectations for learning and working, I was flexible, I wasn't angry, I wasn't complaining.

But, I was feeling lust, and it was getting stronger and stronger, and I nearly acted out (after 4 months, 17 days sober).

So, I realized there were underlying negative feelings, more subtle feelings, that I had failed to acknowledge.  They were driving me to act out.  Basically, it's really hard to go for so long feeling relatively useless.

After I acknowledged those feelings and called some other people from this forum and shared these feelings with them, the strong lust urges loosened their hold on me.

And I am still sober, thank G-d.

--Eye.

musicguy wrote on 24 Jul 2011 16:10:


Here is my own barometer as to whether what I am doing is dangerous:
Do I feel the need to hide this from my wife

It's really that simple.  And if it is, then I try my hardest not to do it, or question whether it is appropriate, and share it with her.  Why do I share it with her?  Because sometimes what I want to do is OK-ish, or even OK.  But once the lies start, it's VERY HARD to stop them.  I mean, how do you then come clean?  "I lied to you".  It's hard.  And that makes me more self-absorbed, and sucks me more into my own world.

Baruch Hashem, I am lucky to have the wife I do - one with whom I can share things.  And Baruch Hashem (really) that I went through the tough stuff I did, so that I am really afraid of getting disconnected from my wife - that itself is something I honestly want to avoid.  Because it just makes life sick, dirty and unmanageable.

I don't always succeed.  I like to think "in small ways", and not recently.  But it's a good barometer for me, and the course of action (nowadays) is always to refrain, or to keep her informed.  That is what stops anything either starting in the first place, or descending into something unmanageable.

To be a little clearer...  I was once the type of person to hide relatively innocuous facts, "in case" they developed or turned into something else.  For example, a correspondence with someone "risky".  Nowadays, I would alert my wife to this before it begins, and either pursue it (if necessary) without the secrecy, or ask myself whether it is really necessary/appropriate.

I don't know if this helps you in your own situation.  I know that I am blessed with my wife, and that not everyone can "use" these tactics.