17) The main test in our life is in desires of lust (R' Nachman, Sichos Haran 115). This goes for every regular jew, and certainly for us, who struggle with it so much more. It is the main Yetzer Harah over all sins (Zohar___, R' Nachman ___).

With this in mind, we must understand that our primary struggles and falls are davka in these areas, and not in areas of lesser nature. We are pitted against a most powerful being, the Yetzer Harah, in his mightiest strength.
At this point in history, the Yetzer Harah is even stronger than all the other angels (tragic story of R' Yosef Dellaraina, brought in both Pardes Rimonim of Ramak and Kivei Arizal, printed in end of Sharei Kedusha uncensored edition, in end). He has become stronger than ever before, over previous generations.


Additionally, it is common knowledge from the gamara that a person cannot beat the urges of the Yetzer Harah without Hashem's help. This principle goes for even the biggest of tzaddikim in all times.  Certainly, it goes for an addict, who is NOT EVEN in a healthy position to battle lust, due to his illness of chronic and compulsive behavior with lust.

This addiction, like all others, is undoubtedly certified by modern science that an addiction is a physio and biological change in the relationship of the addict to the object of desire (confirmed by a famous and celebrated addiction therapist in Israel). As the saying goes that "once an addict, always an addict", this condition has not yet been demonstrated by anyone in the world to be completely reversed as if it never existed. 


With all this in mind, how can one truly expect to easily excel in sobriety of this nature, with all these realities against him? Therefore, our view must now be that for the lust addict, it is a superhuman feat to go against all odds, with constant vigilance and consistent awareness to become sober.
Becoming completely sober for the duration of one's life IS attainable and has already been demonstrated by thousands of non-Jews and Jews alike. However, from a Torah perspective, this is a most praiseworthy feat, in light of all the above information about the Yetzer Harah and addiction.

18) The Tanya (Perek 27) makes an incredible point in relation to the guilt we have from falling and struggling so much in sexual areas. If a person would truly recognize his place and the madreiga that he is REALLY on, he would not become so sad with these struggles.


This is due to faulty high expectations, that he expects himself to be on a higher level than where he actually is holding. It is because of this that he becomes filled with such guilt, because he feels like a failure. If he would only humble himself and admit that he is truly on the level of struggling not to fall as best as he could, than he would be happier, knowing that this is currently his tafkid and way of service to God

19) Building on this point, you may be dissapointed when you read this. You may say "how should I be happy when my primary job is as low as struggling not to fall, while it is the job of others to do much more heiliger things, like becoming a tzaddik?"


Although there is a tremendous amount of misunderstanding and lack of knowledge in general hashkafa behind such a claim, the whole idea is wrong anyways for a more direct reason. The Tanya (Perek 27) says that God has made two types of people in the world. There are those that can rise to do mofsim and truly incredible things, attaining high levels and ruach hakodesh, etc. Then , there are others whose job is to crush and destroy the yetzer harah.


To explain, whenever a Jew fights the yetzer harah, Hashem lowers the Yetzer Hara's position over Klal Yisrael in shamayim as a result, thereby making the possibility of unhindered service to Hashem and Mashiach's arrival much more of a closer reality. Big heiliger tzaddikim do not have the ability to do such a job, because they generally do not struggle with the yetzer harah. Their job usually involves guiding the Jewish people and praying for them, or doing kabbalistic tikkunim for the Jewish people (if you are taken aback at this idea, you must learn the entire Tanya Likutei Amarim which is almost entirely devoted to proving and explaining this idea).

Therefore, only WE can lower the Yetzer Harah from his place and prepare for Hashem's ultimate plan.

This is like generals in the army and soldiers. Although the generals run the army and guide it, they are not necessarily in battle. Although the soldiers do not each take an important position in the army overall, but without each soldier, there would be no army to fight and carry out the general's orders.The Tanya points out that the commandment of "Lo Sasuru" was not even meant for tzaddikim, because they are not the ones that have bad thoughts that need to be struggled with. This commandment was given only to us, the soldiers.


The Tanya there adds (from gemara ____) that avoiding doing an aveira is the same thing to God as being involved in actively doing a mitzvah. This dispels the claim that the tzaddikim are actively involved in mitzvos while we are not.

Lastly, although God certainly loves tzaddikim since they "assist
him" in helping the Jewish people reach God's ultimate plan for creation, nonetheless the Tanya says that God gets no bigger nachas from anyone than a person who fights with these thoughts and thereby lowers the Yetzer Harah's dominion over the Jewish people, since this actually accomplishes God's will in the most direct way.

In a parable, although the King may raise the position of the general who had won a battle for the King, nonwithstanding the king will want to also meet with the soldier that actually killed the enemy or dropped the bomb, and award him for his great service with medals, a ceremony, and handshake.


These concepts are ones that Western culture usually misunderstand, leading to feminism and other strange movements. These concepts revolve around the ability to properly understand the ideas of having different roles and positions. Korach misunderstood these things as well. I have made effort in being as happy doing the job of lowering the sitra achra as the job of being a heiliger tzaddik. In Western culture, everyone wants to grab the most impressive looking position to fill their lack of self importance and self respect, and no one understands.
There is yet another crucial point to these ideas, which is that WE can also become heiliger tzaddikim in our own roles. While there were tzaddikim who have said that they completely killed the Yetzer Harah within them, like the Rabbeinu David Ateret Rosheinu Abuchatzeera (found in Abir Yakov book, page___), or R' Nachman of Breslov (found in Chayey Moharan, Page ___), there were always other famous tzaddikim whose hallmark fame was their EXCELLENCE in battling the Yetzer Harah to the end of their lives.

20)-Do you feel ripped off that your lot in life is to fight lust addiction and constantly be involved in recovery? The Tanya says (Perek 27) that even if a person is in this struggle every day of his entire 120 year life, it is worth it, and deserving of self respect and happiness.

This is because, as we mentioned above, God creates some people with the minds of rashaim, leaning towards worldly things and lust. This does not mean that we will hopelessly lust all the days of our lives. It means that we were given the task of lowering and pulverizing the Sitra Achra all the days of our lives.

Like commandos, this is our special task and role for the world. In every army there are special soldiers with more advanced training who are constantly involved in the most dangerous missions, like the Navy SEALS. With the forum, 12 steps, Torah and chizzuk approach, and more, we are heavily armed and are involved in lowering the yetzer harah in the areas of most intense tumah from mtz"l to porn, and even higher levels of acting out, and our actions of recovery lower the yetzer harah in all these respective areas for the entire planet. This is not made up hype. This is Torah.


To quote a commentary on this Tanya for clarifacation, R' Nissan Mandel (commentary called "Lessons in Tanya") writes very clearly to reiterate: "True, God does not ordain whether man will act wickedly, but he does 'create wicked men' (Bava Basra 16a) in the sense that their minds work like the mind of a rasha, with evil thoughts constantly occuring to them. God created them in this way so that they will engage in battle with these thoughts, and thereby subjugate the sitra achra."


This interestingly leads us to the idea of "once an addict, always an addict." Although I claim no understanding as of yet or research in this topic, it is clear from the Tanya that despite a good recovery, there may be a person created to always struggle with lust. True, there are those that struggle BECAUSE they do not have a good recovery.
Still, the Tanya clearly says that there are men whose job is to fight their entire lives with lust, in order to constantly lower the sitra achra for everybody else.
I used to question people who told me that they still go to SA meetings, despite the fact that they seemed to be sober "for good" and would not return to their addictions. Now I understand that there may be no such concept for some people who are "rasha minded people."
I cannot draw the line as to who posesses such a mind from birth or who did not but instead created this predicament with his own actions, but either way both will be involved in the same role, giving Hashem more nachas from these efforts to weaken the Yetzer Harah, over all else. I also will not try to reconcile how the concept in the Zohar that battling the Yetzer Harah gives God more enjoyment than the study of Torah, which we all know is kinegged kulam. While this may or may not be a contradiction, it is nonetheless irrelevant to what the Zohar and Tanya say about this special role.

21) Now that we have offered different ways to view being in this struggle, we can now discuss a little about tshuva on these sins.

When people sail into GYE having hit bottom, they are very confident that God hates them and that t'shuva is no longer possible to help restore their relationship with God. To a person who is even slightly learned in the concepts of teshuva and God's huge tayva to bring people back to him, these claims will bring a smile, because of their utter rediculousness. Although this can be made into a big topic, we can briefly bring down a few facts to dispel any crazy notions that some people harbor about this.

22) We can assure ourselves that t'shuva will work if we can find people whose tshuva is recorded to have been accepted, who have gone lower than us.

The medrash (Pirkei Direbbi Eliezer 43) says that if someone wants proof to the power of teshuva and how Hashem will forget about even the sleaziest and lowest deeds, one can see this from Achav, Menashe, Paroh, and others. Among this list are people who TRIED to anger God by contriving ways to do avodah zarah, who burned up their kids in molech, who murdered thousands, and who had committed every act of sick lust possible. All of them did teshuva, and it was enjoyably accepted  by God.

YOU can easily do teshuva, because you never acted out DAVKA to anger God; the whole time since you learned it was sinful, you had a desire to stop. You may have even done teshuva after most times that you acted out, but even if you didn't you went through many Yom Kippurs and had regrets. 


Because we usually don't do teshuva unless motivated, Hashem does what we asked him to do by motivating us with insanity, so that we can come closer to him like we always wanted and prayed for. The medrash (Pirkei Direbbi Eliezer 43, end) says that generally, the Jew does not do tshuva except when put under pain, stress, struggles with parnassah, and things of this nature. So here you are, insane, and ready to do tshuva like you and Hashem had wanted! THAT is a healthy perspective on insanity.

23) The medrash (there, begining) brings a proof that God is interested EVERY SINGLE DAY in your tshuva. So even if you have acted out, THIS was said about you, to emphasize that

EVEN today, Hashem is very interested in you and your tshuva. So drop your faulty notions that were created by your guilt, and see what these chazals say. They are passing us first hand information about the way Hashem really sees your tshuva.

The medrash (Tanna Dbei Eliyahu 13, 4) says that God eventually regretted making the Yetzer Harah. The purpose that the Yetzer H' was created for was not brining in the profits that it was designed to make. He was supposed to fight people so they should overcome and get reward, and it just wasn't happening. The people were not overcoming him, again and again. So the Yetzer Harah just became a destructive force in the world. 
Because of this sad reality, a claim opened up for the sinners of Klal Yisrael to  be able to say to God "Hashem- it is already known to you that this yetzer harah mercilessly beats us up, and we just can't seem to overcome him, so please Hashem, in your mercy, accept our teshuva before you."

Since Hashem regretted having made him, and sees that the world still hasn't been successful at overcoming him, therefore Hashem accepts this prayer immediately and is interested in your tshuva. God gives us a claim to use when doing tshuva, so use it and don't feel bad. Tell Hashem that the Yetzer Harah was much stronger than you in areas of lust, and because of that he should please accept the tshuva that you are doing now.

24) It gets better. Let's say your insanity has also convinced you that your teshuva is not sincere or good enough. Putting aside whether that's true or not, the medrash (Tanna Dbei Eliyahu 30, 25) calls this level of tshuva a "light tshuva", kind of like pepsi max or skim milk.

In such a case, the medrash says that Hashem's mercy is so great, everyday, for everyone, that even if the Jew would do idolatry every single day of his life, and then do just a "light tshuva", Hashem would cry for them right away. What good does this do for you, if Hashem cries for you?

[To postulate, there is much on this idea, but at least we know from the gemara (brachos) that God davens every day that his 13 middos of mercy should overwhelm his middah of din. We also know from the chazal and sefarim that when a person cries when he davens, it is accepted. Additionally, we know that Hashem is our father. So at least we know that when wer'e afraid we only did a "light tshuva", our father (God) davens for us with tears, and it will probably give us a lot of assistance and salvation in getting our sanity back and the siyatta dishmaya  we need for our recovery. If R' Chaim Kanievsky would cry for you to Hashem, would't you feel that your'e in good hands? So when God cries for you to himself wouldn't you feel better?]

25) If a person has slipped or fallen, he should not think about it anymore;what happened is in the past, and the future is yet to come (R' Nachman, Sichos Haran 129). This is like what the gemara says (Brachos 9b) that "dayah litzarah bishayta-trouble is bad enough when it comes (so why create more...)."

In regards to doing tshuva, which requires charata, there is no reason to carry out your day with guilt until you do tshuva; as the Tanya says (Likutei Amarim ___) we remember and dwell on our sins to create charata ONLY bisha'as hakosher-an auspicious time when we feel we will do tshuva properly, without sinking deeper into guilt (even then, it is also ONLY for long enough to feel charata, and no more). If we feel that by mentioning our sins we will feel that Hashem wants to have nothing to do with us, then this is NOT tshuva, nor is it healthy for our ruchneyus or addiction.

As the sefarim say (Tanya, Sichos Haran), there is a difference between atzvus (depression and guilt) and lev nishbar. Lev nishbar is when we WANT to return to Hashem, and BECAUSE of this feeling, we are doing tshuva.

26) R' Ahron Roth in Taharas Hakodesh (pages 275-276]) says that amongst all the chazal, Zohar, Rishonim and Achronim, there is not even one hava amina that tshuva does not help for mtz"l. Althought the Zohar seems to cite such an opinion, it is a da'as yachid that nobody follows in actual practice.

On the following page, the Taharas Hakodesh continues to say that by having sunk to such depths of tumah through these sins, you now have an opportunity to assist and rectify all the people who had also sunk so low and had not successfully done tshuva before their passing.This is because the tzaddikim can not reach such low depths with their prayers. Therefore, only a person who has been there and then ascended from there through tshuva, only he can accomplish this.


R' Ahrele recounts a story of a man who was a rasha gamur in Crakow in the time of the Ba'al Shem Tov. This man did tshuva, and when he davened his first prayer in his life, he had raised up all of the tefillos that were without kavana of the Jewish people for the previous 500 years, a feat that neither the Arizal or the Ba'al Shem Tov were able to accomplish.

i do not think now that this was necessary, but...__

______________________________
((([ Here is an INCOMPLETE list of things which most religious Jews have of virtue, despite their defeat in sexuality. Even if the one reading this is not religious, he can identify with many of the things here. If you would see a COMPLETE list, you would be OVERWHELMED with seeing the good deeds towards God and man that most people do daily. However, it would get involved into many technical halachic discussions, and would be a major digression.
The gemara says "even the wicked ones are full of mitzvos like a pomegranate". A person who has a semi-understanding of the 613 mitzvos will discover that this is correct:
A) By washIng our hands in the morning, we are doing the mitzvah of netillas yadayim, plus the mitzvah of listening to the chachamim.
By saying modeh ani, we are saying a praise to God and showing gratitude for your whole life.
C) By putting on tzitzis, we are doing a mitzvah.
D) Each and every time we praise Hashem in prayer, it is an independant virtue. God does not count all of the praises as one mitzvah, just like he would not count all the words of lashon harah as one aveirah.
E) Every time we say a posuk or mishna in davening, we are doing the mitzvah of saying Torah, even though it's in tefillah.
F) By davening in the arrangement of chazal, we are again demonstrating the mitzvah of listening to the chachamim.
G) We say kadosh three times, which has it's own signifacance.
H) By saying the brachos of kriyas shma, we are doing another mitzvah.
I) By saying shma, we are doing yichud Hashem.
J) In the end of shma, we perform the mitzvah of yetziyas mitzrayim.
K) We daven shmonah esray, and in the arrangement of chazal.
L) In shmoneh esray we do a form of tshuva on our falls, in Hasheeveinu.
M) Every time we answer amein, say yihay shmay rabbah, or boruch uvoruch shmo, it is a mitzvah.
N) By putting on tefillin is a mitzvah.
O) In tachanun and shmonah esray we pray on behalf of the welfare of the entire Jewish people, Hashem's children.
P) Doing any mitzvah in public is an additonal mitzvah of kiddush Hashem.
Q) Making brachos on food each time we eat is an additional mitzvah.
R) By greeting people nicely and smiling at them, we are performing mitzvos.
S) By doing acts of kindness for others, we are doing mitzvos.
T) By struggling with lust instead of letting it be our way of life, we are doing a great mitzvah.
U) By reaching out to others and giving them support or words of advice in getting closer to God and being a better person, we are performing great mitzvos.
V) By giving charity with our time, bodies, or money we are doing a mitzvah.
W) By doing good deeds with others and before others, we are helping the continuity of the Jewish people and inspiring others to be like us and do mitzvos and good deeds.
X) By even such small acts such as lending someboday a pen, we are doing mitzvos.
Y) By expressing desires in our minds to be better people, we are doing great mitzvos which are very hidden.
Z)) By reading material that will help us grow, such as this paragraph, we are doing a mitzvah.
_______________________ With the above list, one must admit that although he sins in a particular area, he serves God in many others. Although it is true that in all areas we need big improvements, it does not negate the fact that we serve Hashem 1000 times a day. This fact holds true both for how we feel about ourselves, and for how God views us.)))]]

as [buggs bunny] says, that's all folks.

i better quit whileim ahead. i do not know if anyone is reding this,...i wouldnt...oh well.....at least its Torah, Hashem appreciates it and that's what counts

so long folks, i will now return to being quieter....probably...

God, please help me heal and recover, that's all i want. To live normally and healthily and be able to serve you to my ful strength

with 500 posts, let me retire in good standing....

i need myself, and siyug lichachmah shteekah

oy...

tzaddik90/Special Weapons And Tactics wrote on 10 Apr 2011 10:34:

As per ben durdayah's request, I will post this in a more readable and editor-friendly format than the first chapter
>

Just kidding!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

if you read the whole thing backwards,

you can gain from it more

erom ti morf naig nac uoy
ayadrud neb