Daily Dose of Dov

Someone asked Dov: I keep asking myself why it's so d-mn hard for me when I see a woman pass by in the street. I feel like crying every time I pass a decent looking woman, that's how painful it is for me to look away and just let go of it. Dov replies: If you try to move on but can't seem to, an...

Someone wrote to Dov: Someone mentioned to me a way to bypass my filter and ;I was dumb enough to try it out. I guess I haven't had enough pain yet. G-d help me. I'm not in such a great state now, it's not easy knowing that even the good filter system that I have is basically worthless. Suddenly ...

I'd ;love to share more of the garbage going on between my ears - but every time I do that, the unimaginable occurs! Namely, some semi-newbie posts back and says something like, "Holy mazolee! Dov! You mean that all this recovery work and abstinence is ;for nothing!? You are ;still just as sick a...

Sometimes when I have felt like things are just not good enough for me (or really suck - often the same, though) and the thought of "why bother staying sober?" popped into my mind, the answer I used was:"What the hell. I'll stay sober even though it's stupid. I've done stupid things before" ;...a...

Someone posted: Before first joining GYE, my wife discovered that I had been chatting with women online. That is how I ended up on here. My wife is not happy about this. She is asking me a lot of questions. I, on the other hand, am starting to be happy that she found out. Our marriage didn't t...

Someone wrote: Hashem really loves me and knows what is truly best for me. Once I truly internalize this I will be able to live more cleanly. Does anyone have any tips on how I can lower my ego? I literally have a HUGE ego. It's sickening. It is probably the single most detrimental component of m...

Once upon a time, my wife convinced me of something that came as a bit of a shock. I always thought that what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Well, OK, I always ;knew it was a bad idea for me to 'go off' and do whatever... and that it'd be a very bad for her to find out about it. But I also felt...

Struggler: As you probably know, there is a woman from before I became a ba'al Teshuvah who is constantly available to me. I have had periods of being able to stay away and not have urges, but lately, I've gotten into the other kind of phase, the kind where I look at women on the streets, fall in...

The differences between the average sweet yid who occasionally looks at porn and masturbates when he wants to (and then regrets it), and the sweet suffering yid who is ;an addict, is that the addict repetitively uses the schmutz, is obsessed with it, and masturbates even when he doesn't really ;w...

Ahron wrote: Help - I just started to look at shmutz and by some miracle, I was disgusted by it.... I think I'm going to take a nap. I gotta get away! Yesterday's chizuk is helping me now ;I think. DesperateJew responds: Ahron, you did well. You caught yourself, and stopped! I'm not sure what yo...

When we give in, rather than reach out of ourselves for the help we need to stay free (and with Hashem), we ;are worshiping that power. Folks like us can understand why avodah zaras are called "elohim (acheirim)", too. They really ;are worshiped. Of course, their power is a shadow, not made of li...

My wife and I like the approach of the Kirk, on his website called ;Celebrate Calm. He empowers both parents and children, and he focuses on teaching all parties responsibility for themselves. It may not be easy, but we see that 'the failing way' is how we got here with our oldest son, so we have...

Each one of your days are:Definitely precious.Indispensable for living the good-life.Live spontaneously with your Only Best Eternal Friend. ;Be all you can be: yourself!Each day is the only day that really, really matters now.Recovery uber alless.Truth with ourselves about exactly what life we re...

Q. Guess where I believe eliminating all emotional 'triggers' would lead ;me (and maybe others, too)? A: To completely abandon Hashem. Yup. I wouldn't need His help at all! C'mon. Hashem is smart, no? You think he really arranged us to become this sick for Him to save us - like Superman? Does He ...

Precious things are not gained overnight. Yetzias mitzrayim was a big, fat, jump - a completely undeserved ;gift to us 49th-levelers. After the free jump, it was almost completely ;lost to us and we had to grow slowly from zero for 49 days before getting the Torah... then we lost much of it just ...

Anyone else who is sober can help you with weak moments, by calling them, admitting it as plainly and clearly as you are able, and letting go of it with Hashem's help so that you can get back to whatever the heck you were supposed to be doing before the stupidity. I called my sponsor plenty of ti...

Someone wrote: I feel like I am lacking the commitment to change and to improve. I know logically that I have reasons to quit - primarily because I don't have control over my life. But since I am not experiencing any consequences from this lack of control - and please G-d, I should not - I'm havi...

One of the draw backs of GYE - as opposed to joining a live group, is that we are a virtual community. Even if we consider that 'connecting', heck - most of us are using ;fake names, for crying out loud. Ironically, in my own case, I used a fake name on the phone ;whenever I was acting out! Of co...

Many people come to GYE with a "looking at porn problem". I assume their worthy goal is mainly "to not look at any porn". This is limiting for two reasons I can think of. First, the goal itself is ;only negative - so there is no inherent personal change necessary - it is just about living while n...

When lust 'strikes', it is to be ;expected that not listening to our desire will seem a very ;stupid option, indeed. Stupid, and truly not at all in our best interest (as it is felt right then). As long as we cling to self-will, it will be impossible to listen to that voice that says, "NOOOO! Don...