Daily Dose of Dov

I have not found it to be true that one must first love themselves before they will be able to love others, as I have heard many people say. Nor do I buy that a healthy self-esteem is needed at all, in order for anyone to recover. Nor do I believe that I needed to feel fo...

The steps (besides the first one) as I was taught them and use them, have little to do with getting me sober. That is what my first step is about, and why it is the only step that even mentions our addiction. The 3rd step and on are about keeping me sober. I must use t...

Hashem does not tell me anywhere in the Torah not to be an addict! Yes, He does tell me not to look at shmutz, mz"l, stare at women, etc. But my addiction is not the aveiro itself. My addiction - the only thing I actually need to be free of today - is the predictable at...

Someone wrote to Dov: So let me see if I get this right: Step 1: Admit that my addiction of obsession with lust is making my life impossible. Step 2: I am not successful at managing or curing this addiction. But God can manage it for me. I need to turn to Him Step 3...

I completely reject the idea that any yid who uses shmutz (fantasy) and hz"l once in a while is "an addict". As far as I am concerned, that is ridiculous. The badness of the aveira does not convert in into an addiction - at least per the 1st of the 12 steps that I know of...

I believe that Hashem heals us only oneday at a time. Not for a week, a month, a year, and certainly not for a lifetime. I believe that for an addict, the "teshuvah gemurah" fantasy (as Chazal say for normal people: "he is omeid in one big nisayon so that Hashem is mey'id...

So, what is your plan, actually? Do you have any actual action-tools (things to do) that you didn't have for the past few years? If so, great. When they work, iy"H, share them with us. But if you are essentially trying basically the same thing and expecting a totally diff...

The 3rd step is about switching to a new attitude that is something like this: "since G-d is... well, G-d, then He must know better than me. He can give me anything. And He could not possibly have anything against me, for He needs nothing - He doesn't even need me to list...

The 12 steps IS THE TORAH APPROACH. What you are doing IS NOT THE TORAH APPROACH because it is making you act out! No one looks at shmutz and is mz"l and just whines about it like a little girl for years "al pi Toirah". That is idiotic. For the past 15-20 years you admit ...

Someone asked on the forum: I was wondering about why we have these periods of cleanliness, and then BAM fall into extreme desire? Further, they seem to follow patterns; 30 days seems to be a rough point, as an example. These periods of really bad desire can last an hour,...

"It starts with one... and it ends with one." Meaning: There really is only one day of recovery - ever. And that's 'today'. This is, I believe, why Teshuvah is one of the things sometimes code-named "Atah" - Today. (V'ata Yisrael, Ma hashem Elokecha Sho'el Me'Imach). It'...

The thing all the 12-step-recovering addicts in the world are making such a big deal about, is different than all the steps we thought we had taken in the past that "look like" the 12-Step program. It is different because it is different! All those times we have done the...

People in recovery often emphasize "living in the solution, not in the problem". It's hard to understand, at first. "whadaya mean, I'm living in the problem?" When we delve and delve and delve... it wraps us up in the problem and soon we will act out. Cuz we are sick and ...

I pity the person who starts off his recovery by focusing on fixing the human wreckage his behavior caused. In my case that'd truly be putting the cart before the horse, and in the worst way. It would retard my entire - and I mean entire - recovery and leave me:1- still r...

Dear friend, Do you think you are an addict? In other words, are you beaten? I am. I'm an addict who is sober today for a bunch of years and there are many others like me (even many frum ones) who will gladly meet with you on the phone, or preferably in person, to freely...

Eye.nonymous Writes: I relate a lot to the concept of R.I.D (Restlessness, Irritability and Discontent) - which is exacerbated by our character defects - as being a big cause of our lust urges. It's sometimes reassuring to know "I'm tired," or "I'm off schedule," and TH...

Someone wrote: I can get triggered by the SLIGHTEST touch of a woman! Getting touched by the cashier handing me change has triggered me. Even getting touched by a woman nurse taking my blood has triggered me! Dov Replies: I am not recommending any specific course of a...

The perennial GYE question is, "Well, how do I know I am an addict? Maybe I am just a ba'al tayva and have a bigger than normal YH for schmutz. Yes, it bothers me, and yes, I know all about 'doing teshuvah (I've done it seventy-five times already, on this very same thing!...

It is uncanny how much closer everybody I meet who is in recovery tells me they feel to their G-d. But I do not hear what "middos" has to do with this, really. The actual recovery work does not involve middos at all, just plain derech eretz: Self-honesty is all there real...

Do you expect me to say you can't get better without live meetings? Well, I won't! If you get 'better' with the virtual friendships (and using your virtual name), then that means that it works. I believe that also depends on how you define 'getting better', too.For me,...