rakchazak613 wrote on 25 Aug 2025 13:38:

i don't know if my next few words will be helpful or not but i decided to say it either way and you could take out of it whatever you want.

I don't know how much longer your wife would've be able to cope with your old version of livening a double life. One day she would've figured out what's going on and it would've been much worser then the temporary pain that you and here are experiencing right now. Submit.

Hey brother.. I'm still waiting... 

Is this your body's way of telling you need porn and masturbation? If so, you're in the right place. A lot of the internal work people do is around reframing their mindset for porn and masturbation. Come jump in the water's warm!

If you are referring to depression it would be worthwhile to try behavioral activation. There is a workbook about it called Getting Out of Depression One Step at a Time. I briefly described behavioral activation over here:

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/399000-My-long-journey?limit=15&start=45#422020

There is one thing that you have to be careful with behavioral activation and that is that you continue doing your regular activities of functioning like davening, learning and working because it can become tempting to replace them with things you enjoy doing. Other than that, my psychologist says that behavioral activation is safe for everyone who has depression.

Google AI says that depression is a temporary withdrawal symptom from pornography use. 

Don't make the mistake of having setbacks because of temporary withdrawal symptoms. Behavioral activation should be capable of treating it effectively.

I'm 32 days into my journey. Just had enough of it. But I've been downright sad for most of these 32 days and so not myself. Just thought I would share that. Helps to get it off my chest. I hope it goes away soon, cuz i don't know how much longer my wife can cope with this version of me. As proud as I am of myself, within my current sadness, frankly, I don't want to be around myself either. Not suicidal G-d forbid, I'm just annoying to be around. Can't be easier for everyone around me.  I need a real celebration, but sadly i'm struggling to take joy in my incredibly blessed life in the moment. First post.

Welcome, 
just start where you are comfortable,

the chevrah here will get you going!

Hatzlacha on your journey!!

Chapter 21: The Warehouse at Midnight
...

Rain dripped from the broken windows of an old warehouse on the edge of town. Inside, a single lightbulb swayed over a metal table. Two men were shouting in rapid Hebrew at someone whose face couldn’t be seen. The voices were sharp, angry, echoing against the rusted walls.

“This isn’t clean anymore,” one of them barked. “If he talks, we’re all finished.”

The other man slammed his fist on the table. “Then make sure he doesn’t talk.”

There was a low groan from the figure in the chair — tied up, head slumped forward. A boot scraped across the floor as one of the men stepped closer.

Outside, a black van idled, its engine humming in the rain. A driver smoked a cigarette, glancing nervously at his watch.

No names were mentioned. No clues were given. Only the sound of a door creaking open, the flash of metal, and the faint hum of the lightbulb swinging as voices dropped to whispers.

Whatever was happening here, it was dangerous, and it was happening in Shaya’s city.

chosemyshem wrote on 24 Aug 2025 18:59:

This is the stuff of legends! Real real avoda. May Hashem help you savor the incredible הוצאת הכוחות אל הפועל of this win!
KOT
אי"ה ביי מיר

On the bus now to yeshiva. Earlier, a guy did not move on the bench when I prayed next to him on the shul. Like most Israelis, he didnt have a concept of people needing space. I really got irritated until I realized the reason is because he dared to bother me. So I had to face up to being arrogant and it hurts because who wants to be basically an oved avoda zara?Looks like Rav Nachman was right, arrogance does lead to SSA. Because I know I have always had a lot of gaava since I was young

I want to change because not only do I want to be free of SSA, but I want to be someone I can love, that a woman and kids can love. And right now, I hate myself. I am not lovable.I know I could do really horrific things with my gaava, and this is the reason why I didnt want to learn how to drive -- because I would probably road rage and kill someone who crossed me.My favorite porn is straight guys being raped, maybe because I am absolutely jealous of them being straight and handsome and strong
I am sorry to share these things, I just needed to or else I would have cried on the shul and cried here on the bus. Because I am a horrible human being and I dont love myself for it

If mods think this is too graphic or horrific to read, please delete for me.

Thank you.

Welcome aboard fellow fighter,

What has inspired you to come to this site and to take on real change?

I can get you a physical copy. Email me.

Day #10
Last night i had my strongest urge since the beginning of the journey it was very very hard but B"H i was able to let it pas by like a small wave. 

Throughout the day today i had a couple of urges but nothing major, every time a nisoyan came to my mind i remind myself that i will have to post on GYE at the end of the day and i don't want to have to write that i had a fail.
Giving after your urges even  just a little bit wont help you but it will do just the opposite it will make the urge grow even more it is like someone that is alcoholic in a rehab and he decides that he will only drink one shot and that's it for the day that shot wont quite down his desire for more alcohol it will do the opposite it will make him want more alcohol, the same thing is with those urges when you give after it just a little bit you are like that former alcoholic in the rehab that only want to take one small shot but it ends up in causing him to become a real alcoholic again. 

"You don’t beat this for others—you beat it for the man in the mirror, the one who knows he’s capable of more."

Welcome!
You can give a few details, like your approx age, are you married? Make sure you don't give information that can reveal your actual identity.

You can share about what you're currently going through, what you were like when you were younger, what are your goals, what are your challenges.

Do you like Harry Potter or Tintin? Poems?

Get ready for unbelievable change, for the better!

You just start and the oilem here will fill in the blanks for you and try to help…..

hi
no words, don't know how and where to start