youknowwho wrote on 12 May 2025 23:13:

'Looks on with interflexed hands, "gooooood, gooooooooddddd" 

yossis.smart wrote on 13 May 2025 16:42:

Gosh darn it, you have a way with words........
Love the Mashal, so true. Only in my case i go more for the heat......... I would never go to Alaska, let alone touch a freezing piece of ice..........

Is it just me or are PM's not working right now?

Although you wrote that we should be posting specifics and not that we are grateful for everything it is very difficult for me to do so because it would give away my identity. For those of you who already know some of my my story you might appreciate my words. I went through many bad things in life big and small but every one of those bad things ended up having good coming out of it. As such, I haven't had a single bad day in my life and I am very grateful to Hashem. I was told by my Maggid Shiur that there still is the question of why do bad things happen to good people because why did the good things that happened to me have to come through bad things. Nevertheless, I am grateful because at the end of the day everything was for good.

Why is the post-addiction period so hard? Why the need for "insanity therapy"? Why can't I just get back to a normal life and be a good person?

Recently, someone I knew was uncomfortable with the life he was living, and decided to run away and explore the frozen expanses of Alaska, thinking that he might find more peace and enjoyment in that adventure.  So he traveled to the last house on the edge of the last settlement beyond which only lay ice, and no signs of life.

At that house, he told his hosts his idea. But those grizzled veterans of the landscape he was about to trek through warned him not to go further - his wonderful adventure might end and disaster, and even if he would somehow make it back, it would be a painful process. But he waved it off - he would deal with the consequences later.

Putting on the warmest clothes he could find, he left the safety of the house and his kind hosts and plunged into a trek that seemed wild and wonderful and scary at the same time.  Something inside him told him he should go back before he went too far and got lost, but another side of him assured him that he knew they way back, and the desire to explore was irresistible. 

Soon, he started to feel sweaty from his heavy coat, so he removed that and some other layers, sure he could manage without. But then a chill and a tiredness started setting in, and he wasn't quite sure of the path to get back. Anyways, who knew what amazing find lurked around the next corner?

Then - around the corner of a bend in the glacier - he saw some unusual form rise out of the flat ice, and he rushed to see what it could be. As he approached, he saw that it was an ice statue of a beautiful woman, surely expertly carved by an Eskimo who had intended for him to experience it up close.  As he touched the statue and was entranced by the artistic form, he felt an urge to hug it, hold it and not let go of this experience for which he had traveled so long and so far. He felt the ice freeze his whole body, but he was at peace. Why care anymore about finding warmth? He drifted off into a deep sleep....

Through a deep haze, he heard the shouts of the inhabitants of the house he had left so long ago it seemed like an eternity. He could barely breath or hear, much less make any noise, but he knew instinctively that they were trying to help him out of the goodness of their hearts. He felt them trying to pull him off the statue, but he was completely frozen to it. With no other choice, they chopped the statue down, and, with him attached, loaded it onto the dog sleds, furiously trying to speed home before it was too late.

Back at the house, next to a blazing fire, they tried to chip away at the ice and peel him off with sharp tools, limb by limb. As each finger came free, he felt the frostbite, the burning sensation of warmth returning, but it was so painful. Sometimes he wanted to just grab the statue again and be numbed from the pain, but then he knew he would have to relive it again in the process of breaking free. With every new breath of life, every movement, he learned to become thankful for the pain, thankful for the efforts of those who did not give up on him despite his not heeding their passionate pleas for him to not end up in his sorry state.

Finally, after the pain and the tingling that seemed to last forever subsided, he was able to break his body free of the statue. He flung it as far as he could out of the door and swore to not look back. Whenever that itch, that desire for a frozen adventure came back, he remembered not only the exhortations of his now close friends, but also the inevitable pain accompanying the return that was DEFINITELY not worth the risk.

2 weeks clean bh. Starting to live life for Hashem in a more real way.

I am greatful for the Betty Crocker everything maker

hundredbrachos wrote on 19 Aug 2024 19:23:

WOW WOW

Oysh! I said you know more than me!

youknowwho wrote on 12 May 2025 23:13:

img_3903.gif      hung.jpg     frog-kermit.gif

I'm grateful that YKW self appointed himself as the prosecutor, judge, and executioner of ב"ד that administers ד' מיתות on their behalf. Keeps us all in check. Still searching for some form of הרג.

Reb Dave, You are a true inspiration jumping right in with the perfect attitude, Love it!

KOMT

I have been on here for 2 to 3 years, I have posted from time to time, and have a small thread and BB corner. I am hoping to really get out of things and hope that this will all be part of it.
I have been on here for 2 to 3 years, have posted from time to time, and have a small thread and BB corner. I am hoping to really get out of things and hope that this will all be part of it.

in short, for the time I have, I didn’t grow up religious, obviously exposed to everything out there, became frum 13/14 and stopped with M and P. But still Struggled whenever on the Internet with looking at inappropriate pictures. It wasn’t like I started off like that, but it would be searching around, looking at the news, some thing caught my eye and I ended up looking at all different things. By the time I was 17 I was getting into learning a lot more and really wanted to break out of this. I stopped using Internet pretty much entirely. That was the solution and it was amazing. Afterwords I was in Israel and again everything was great. Got married my wife used Internet without filter and I wasn’t able to change that, but for the first few years I avoided using it entirely. But then one thing led to the next started with downloading.  By the time I was 17 I was getting into learning a lot more and really wanted to break out of this. I stopped using Internet pretty much entirely. That was the solution and it was amazing. Afterwards, I was in Israel and again everything was great. Got married my wife used Internet without filter and I wasn’t able to change that, but for the first few years I avoided using it entirely. But then one thing led to the next started with downloading shiurim then, getting email, then using it to look into information. And then got back into old habits. Due to different struggles in marriage there were times that I would look up information with images blocked but still ended up seeing things from time to time. This has been going on for almost 10 years. Over the years I have significantly upgraded filters which has been a big help. Also, this website has been a big help. Also being in touch with HHM for an hour two years and having him for accountability has been a big help. I am trying to reach out to more people recently which I also feel helpful. Another thing is trying to have solid learning every day. Staying connected. Another thing is limited usage of the Internet. I’ve got my Internet off in the evenings because I find when I am tired and relaxing with the Internet it’s very dangerous.
Another thing is trying to have solid learning every day. Staying connected. Another thing is the needed usage of the Internet. I’ve got my Internet off in the evenings because I find when I am tired and relaxing with the Internet it’s very dangerous.

After all this, I still have ups and downs sometimes within the same week. Either typing in words to see what search bar will show. Or on the shopping site and typing and things to see what it will show or if you can find anything. Similar if I got access to anything with the stock photo images. I have times where I am very strong and avoid ay site that I could risk getting into trouble, But there are times that due to circumstantial situation I have a need or I think I have a need and then I get Lax in being careful as needed. Also, there are times where if I really wanna get into trouble it’s not hard with whatever limited access I have. Yes I have truple but it’s not enough.

I hope that posting here in the more public way will help me move forward with stopping.

also hope and daven the zechus of helping others along the way of my posting will provide the siyata dishmaya to make it as well.

I am making a goal that between now and shavuos I should be clean of any searching for trouble.

tzitzis dude wrote on 13 May 2025 00:32:

I wish I could help, but alas, I can't. But I can express how badly I feel for you..... such pain, such pure expression of your beautiful Neshama....

Here's a virtual shoulder for you to lean your head on, a virtual hug to share my feelings for you.....

Muttel

The longer you're clean and removed from seeing yourself in a negative light, the more objective you'll be about your own faults.... it's amazing to see you, how you are revealing more and more of your beautiful self through this precious avoda.... onwards and upwards, Dave!

With a heart overflowing with brotherly love,
Muttel