Top notch mussar! Will do my best to implement this


Lolllll

Wish I had better news but I fell
​I had some victories earlier today over urges but not all the way. I found myself home alone with all open access. B"H the zman starts next week so I'll be back in Yeshiva and not constantly exposed to unfiltered access.
I tried hard (not really my best) today. I exercised, I practiced mindfulness, I posted on GYE. The last thing I should have done was called someone on the phone. Then I probably wouldn't be posting about a fall now.

19 days clean! Thank G-d!

I had a slip today. It happened several hours ago, but I still feel triggered. I stumbled upon improper picture online and followed it. I stopped fairly quickly, but instantly felt the rush within me. It seems so not worthy now, so pointless, so stupid.
It probably happened because, after many days, for the first time I had some alone time online. It reminds me that I need to install the filter ASAP (yeah, I still haven't done that), or else I will most likely fall soon.

I can't elaborate, because I have only few minutes to post this. Anyway - 19 days is 50% of my record clean ever! I hope I get some free time soon to install the filter before it's too late...

Praying for you guys, stay strong.

Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I last posted. In life, certain trying circumstances have come up. I am extremely anxious and tense, and I'm constantly doubting my decisions. My Kedusha has suffered a lot as a result. 

Wow. Very well said!

Does anyone here know of a case where hypnosis helped anyone remove from his psyche sexual fetish urges and rather get his mind and body want only simple sex, and I'll explain, since from when I was young I always associated this whole thing only via weird scenarios i.e. cfnm, bdsm, degradation, humiliation etc. even before I knew the names etc, but just plain sex never spoke to me or gave me real enjoyment, so that now that I'm married for 18 years already my wife doesn't really satisfy me since even if I watch myself not to look or think of these stuff and stay fully clean for a long while (which is by far not east) even so she can't satisfy me really since my real fulfillment comes from the most weird degrading and humiliator situations which isn't practical to do with her by a far shot..... so I was thinking that ill ask here if anyone hs heard of such a thing that hypnosis can help change my urges and that my enjoyment should be from simple decent relationships, and if yes if there are guys  who know hypnotist's that are good for this and there contact info as well I'd really appreciate it

Thanks much for all and a wonderful Shabbos

I'm having very strong urges to act out now. Oh well. 
In my head I'm (Y"H?) is saying you barely have any time clean what's another fall? I know better than that. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...
This is why I don't count days. I'll have a rough idea of how long I've been clean but otherwise I obsess over it, hello perfectionism. And if I fall, oh boy, gotta reset the counter so may as well go to town so long as on day 0. Yes, not counting is the only way I can focus on ODAAT.
I look forward to posting again before Shabbos that I'm still clean!

The last few days have not been so pleasant. On again.Off again. etc etc
I only have one piece of advice for everyone (most of all myself!) Keep in mind, A fall is not just a fall for that minute. There is a recovery process afterwards and it is brutal. Keep that in mind next you get hit by the temporary insanity (Ruach Shtus). Realize it aint so temporary...
Struggling (and falling) with things that haven't been an issue for a few months. BH, I definitely do see a marked difference in the way it all is now then how it was before I came here. A huge difference,and that is great! I am celebrating that point.
I think the process  can be seen as building a tower. I fell off the tower but the tower is still there. However it is not so simple as I still have to walk up all those steps to get back to the top of the tower. Walking up is not as hard as building but it sure is harder than being at the top already. Going up with the elevator won't work. You need to walk back up with sweat pouring down your face to get back to the top of your building. Perhaps you are better off as on the way up you can examine and repair any faulty parts on your way up....

David T That was beautiful. Where is that from?

"the highest level of Pleasure is LOVE" not sex...
"the highest level of Pain in Loneliness" 

the problem is that the secular world stole the meaning of love and transformed it into sex and physicall... 

LOVE is a feeling , an emoition... 

when we feel loved we feel happy...

Reaching love starts by truly loving OURSELVES... 

reaching selflove is hard work, that's why we run to find different ways to reach love and the secular world tells us that being with a girl gives us love...

comment "AGREE" if you agree?

Lou wrote on 09 Apr 2021 01:53:

התשובה היא, ש"נכנס בו רוח-שטות". השתלטה עליו רוח זרה, רוח של שטות, שכיסתה על האמונה שבליבו. היא גרמה לו שלא לחוש את החומרה שבמעשהו, את הפירוד מהקב"ה שנגרם על-ידי החטא. אילו אכן היה מרגיש את משמעותו האמיתית של חטא ועוון ואת העובדה שהחטא מרחיקו ממקור הקדושה - לא היה חוטא בשום אופן.

מהי אותה 'רוח-שטות'? - זו התאווה. המשיכה של הגשמיות והחומריות, גורמת לאדם לאבד את התחושה הרוחנית ואת הרגישות לדבקותו בקב"ה. הוא משלה את עצמו שלא קרה דבר ושעל אף החטא הוא נשאר קרוב אל ה'. התאווה מסתירה ממנו את האמת, שכל חטא, אפילו חטא קטן, פוגם בקשר שלו אל הקב"ה.

Sefiras ha'omer purifies us.

As we say in the prayer after sefiras ha'omer, "You commanded us…to count sefiras ha'omer to purify us from our impurities…" This purity connects us to Hashem. Counting the omer is the foundation, the middle, the central beam that enables us to keep the entire Torah 

The Orah v'Simchah writes, “Hashem gave us the mitzvah of sefiras ha’omer to purify us from tumah. What is so significant about this mitzvah that it has the segulah to purify us? “We can explain, bederech tzachus: If a person has many sins when he performs a mitzvah, the mitzvah doesn’t protect him, because the mitzvah becomes batel (annulled) by his many sins. However, the mitzvah of counting the omer is a דבר שבמנין , something that is counted, and the halachah is דבר שבמנין אינו בטל , something that is counted can never become annulled.
Now, since this mitzvah doesn’t become annulled, it has the ability to purify us from our tumah…"

The Shem MiShmuel (Bamidbar תער"ב ) writes, "Even if a person doesn't feel the purity that comes from sefiras ha'omer, he must believe that his neshamah is being purified… The degree of purity one attains varies. For some, only the source of their neshamah becomes pure. For others, their nefesh also becomes pure…"

yankeesrock wrote on 08 Apr 2021 01:23:

If you focus now on 90 it will be almost impossible to get there.. Like when climbing a steep mountain, if you look at the top, you'll fall down but if you concentrate on each step, you'll get to 90 and way beyond that with the help of Hashem!
Keep strong!

thetimeisnow! wrote on 09 Apr 2021 13:58:

This is very inspiring. Classic example of true Yiras Shamayim. 
​Some people claim that they are powerless to stay clean (I'm not trying to tear down the concept of powerless in the 12 step program)  but if a person would stand right near them they wouldn't sin then... 

Imagine hidden cameras monitoring your progress through life. The whole world is watching. People cheer when you succeed and boo when you fail.

With all those people staring, won't you be careful with every move? Won't your motivation to succeed increase tremendously?

Walk with a constant awareness of Hashem. Fear of Hashem gives you full freedom. Nothing will stand in your way. The dog is insignificant compared to fear of Hashem. You just push right ahead. You're free from all other fears. You have turned yourself into a pure conduit for the will of Hashem.

The Talmud says: "Everything is in the hands of heaven – except for fear of God." Fear of God is completely up to us. If you want it, you've got it.

But there's a question on this point. In our daily prayers we say, vi'ti'tain lanu chaim she'yesh bahem yirat shamayim v'yirat chet. We specifically ask the Almighty to give us "fear of God." But if "fear of God" is in our hands, why do we ask God to give it?

The answer is that everything, of course, depends on the Almighty. We can't lift a finger without God. With most things, you can yearn deeply and still not attain it. You can desire to be a millionaire so badly that you work 80 hours a week and stand on your head – and you can still die a pauper.

But fear of God is different. It's the only thing that, "if you really want it, you've got it." With everything else, God may evaluate that your request is not good for you. But fear of God is the one thing the Almighty won't withhold if you truly desire it, because it's the one thing that always brings you into reality. It's always good for you.

If you really want it, it's yours.

It totally is worth the effort

My YH knocked on the door yesterday and I had an absolutely huge urge. However, I reminded myself that Hashem would be watching me if I sinned, and that was very embarrassing to think about, so I ultimately was able to make it through.