Thanks markz, and inastruggle for your warm wishes. I'm new to this. So nothing really yet that I can pinpoint. When I was clean for 18 days, hashem carried me. That day I made the decision not to do it a second time, and I think when I took that first step to fight. Hashem helped me.'I never fought too hard before, so that step was a good one. 

I thought I was done with it, but fell. Then fell an hour later and a day later and 2 days later. Then realized ok. It is not just coincidental that I never managed to stop. I just found Gye when I had an urge and was trying to find simw guidance online.

i believe this site and really the amazing olam of people who are working so hard to do ratzon hashem. I believe I will see success. 

I have read read a lot of posts but haven't posted yet - i would like to post. 

I tried the the urge surfing. That was interesting. By staying clean I feel the kedusha and I feel hashem much closer to my wife, and kids. When I was clean 18 days, I felt hashem , I felt ruchniyus. Once I fell then davening and learning became a struggle. May be unique to me or may be common - i look forward to getting to know you better so we can be mechazek each other.

Day 6 now.
I really dont think i had such urge -packed 6 days in my life.
Where it not for "urge surfing" i wouldn't have survived all those urges.
I finally got the courage to filter both Belkin routers in my house (they have a decent parental control feature). i hope im irtze H that this will be a step towards freedom and sobriety.

 

gye1962: I had not heard of that technique before, so I did use google to search for "urge surfing", and it looks very interesting.  I think I will try it.

 

hi everybody shavua tov

finishing up day 4 beezrat H

i recently learned about a technique called "urge surfing" which already helped me alot. and i am looking forward to see what i can do with it

i suggest anybody reading this post to google it.  its very helpful

markz wrote on 25 Jan 2016 11:52:

Markz, that's a great Dov Quote, but I beg to disagree about your tzu shtel to "surrender". "Urge Surfing" is a "relapse prevention technique based on the principles of mindfulness meditation" (quoted from the article I linked below). It has nothing to do with surrendering to G-D or 12 steps. This is not a whole big mahalach, but rather a simple technique to help one overcome his urge when he's confronted with it. Perhaps this is more of solution for non-addicts, as I (for now; maybe I am, still haven't totally figured it out) consider myself.
See here for the full description: http://www.choosehelp.com/topics/recovery/cravings-mindfulness-urge-surfing There are many more articles about it. Search for "What is urge surfing".
I saw the term mentioned in passing in article GYE linked to in one of the chizuk emails and I'm not sure why this hasn't gotten more attention.

AMAZING!!!!!!!

You mentioned "Urge Surfing"
It's one of the most basic tenets of gye, called "surrender" (instead of fighting), אי נמי "Letting go and letting G-d"

It's sprinkled liberally throughout the site, but if you want to see a great Dov quote on the matter compiled by gibbor - click HERE



KOMT

iwant2begood wrote:

I'm glad to hear that you're doing so well. I wanted to make 2 points:
"Letting go and letting G-D" is apparently not something you accomplish overnight. I quote from the GYE Handbook (Part 1, Tool 15):


It seems that you are learning about the 12 steps through the phone conferences, but I would say that as long as haven't reached the point where you can really "Let go & let G-D" then of course you should at least whiteknuckle the lust. This may not be your long term solution, but for today it can work.

This brings me to my 2nd point. I don't think you necessarily need to be "whiteknuckling" lust even if you're not following the 12 steps. There are other techniques and attitudes that may help you more easily get over your lust without fighting head-on.
I will quote here what I wrote elsewhere on the forums:


This perspective has been a game changer because I really don't feel like I'm whiteknuckling for the most part. This is not to say that I don't lust at all or get aroused, but I don't feel like I'm fighting head-on because it's not so much Me vs the YH anymore since the real ME doesn't want it either.

Another potentially helpful technique is something called "Urge Surfing". I plan on writing on this more one of these days in the "Break Free" section, as I haven't really seen much written up about this. But for the meantime you may want to Google "What is urge surfing" and you'll find a lot of literature on this technique which essentially teaches you to sort of "surf" over the wave of lust instead of going against it head-on.
I hope you find some of what I wrote here helpful. I wish you continued Hatzlachah!

Aish Article

Ride the Crave
by Sara Debbie Gutfreund

Urge surfing and the count to greatness.


It is impossible to fight a wave. You can either stand there and let it knock you down, or dive right into it and let it carry you, becoming one with its force. You can ride out its power.

The challenging habits in our lives are like waves. Sometimes when we face them head on, they’re just too overpowering to manage. But if we use “urge surfing,” a term coined by Alan Marlatt as part of a program of relapse prevention for substance abuse, we can ride out all kinds of cravings.

How does this work? An addiction specialist was once sitting next to an obese man at a dinner party who kept refilling his plate throughout the evening. When the overweight man overheard the specialist speaking about his profession, he told the doctor that he had tried every single diet – South Beach, Atkins, Mediterranean, Weight Watchers… Nothing had worked for him.

The addiction specialist thought for a moment and then asked, with complete sincerity, “Have you tried suffering?”

Many of us are afraid to let a craving pass. We’re afraid of the pain it entails, the suffering. We get stuck in harmful habits because of the comfort they bring. They make life bearable. Manageable until we have to face the adverse consequences of our bad habits.

But studies have found that a craving, regardless of its intensity, never lasts more than a half hour1 and usually it subsides after a few minutes. Urge surfing involves a person to first just allow the urge to be. No fighting it or arguing with it, just like we wouldn’t try to fight an actual wave. Observe the intensity of the urge and how long it takes to pass, recognizing that cravings are like waves; they begin small, grow in size and then break up and disappear. We try “suffering” by not instinctively fighting against or giving into the force of our cravings. Instead we wait. We count. We observe. We ride the wave out.

Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky, the Steipler Gaon, did this when he was in the Russian army and found himself without a coat on guard duty one night. At first he thought he couldn’t possibly survive the bitterly cold temperatures. But he told himself that he could at least get through five more minutes. After five minutes he told himself that he could get through another five. By counting in five-minute increments, the Steipler survived the night. If he would have tried to fight the cold or even think about the next hour, he would have felt defeated almost from the start. But he “rode out” five minutes and saw that he could keep going.

Four Strategies
We can use this strategy for any goal that we are struggling with. Here are four basic strategies to use for urge surfing:

Mindfulness. Observe the present moment. This may require being still and quiet for a short period of time just to observe your own feelings and cravings. Take inventory without judging. Allow the urge just to be. Watch it like a wave. Notice its intensity, its speed, its contour, where it is in your body and mind.

Patience. Time how long it takes for a craving to begin, to peak and then to subside. Don’t argue with it or wonder how you’ll get through it. Just break up your struggle into manageable increments. Two minutes. Five minutes. Or even ten minutes. Have the patience to see the full wave through.

Grit. This is what the addiction specialist means by “try suffering.” Grit is the ability to persevere despite obstacles, tTo tolerate discomfort. To look at a table full of shortcuts in front of us and remember that they brought us nowhere yesterday. Urge surfing requires grit because habits and cravings return after they subside. We rarely contend with just one wave. We need to be ready to ride out many waves. We need to believe that we can get back up and face the ocean each day. Embracing the present pain will lead you to greater, more satisfying pleasure.

Hope. The more waves a person learns to “ride out” the smaller and easier each subsequent wave becomes. And eventually that craving will come less often and with less intensity. Strengthening our ability to ride out waves and withstand discomfort increases our confidence in confronting the next wave that will eventually arise.

We are now in the period of counting the Omer, moving each day closer to Shavuot, when we hope we will have reached sufficient levels of growth to be ready to receive the Torah. We are counting towards greatness, embracing each day as it comes, getting through another five minutes, working on changing our habits.

Notice each day. Count it. Don’t fight it or ignore it. Ride its current. Use its force. It’s an opportunity to grow. Day by day, wave by wave – we can change.