I can dfinitely relate to the need for more and more stimulation.... Its like that with any addictive substance.... And yes, being numb is related. I believe there are a few reasons prob, but my life was definitely "felt" more after being clean.

RabosMachashavos wrote on 06 Oct 2023 06:06:

Wow, courageous of you for sharing! Is this a philosophical question or are you trying to use it as a motivation to stop? 

How Porn Affects the Brain
When one struggles with pornography, triggers are everywhere, especially in the hypersexualized media all around us. It often takes just a simple image to set off the chemical reaction in the brain, which first develops by looking at pornography.
Sadly, simply turning off the computer is not enough when the brain has been deeply affected by viewing pornography. If someone continues to view pornography, the effects on their brain can worsen over time and become quite extreme.
According to an article by Fight the New Drug (FTND), “Porn Changes the Brain,” the brain is constantly laying down new pathways during new experiences. This process is called neuroplasticity, neuro meaning “brain” and plasticity meaning “changeability.” Over the years, studies have found that pornography has a similar effect on the brain as drugs. Studies have found that drugs and pornography affects the brain’s “reward pathways.”
In another article by FTND, “Porn Affects Your Behavior,” it explains that the job of the reward pathways is to reward you by releasing dopamine when you do something that enriches your life with satisfying experiences and relationships. The brain’s release of dopamine is what makes us feel pleasure and builds new pathways created by a protein called FosB. This protein enables us to remember what made us feel pleasure by linking a way of thinking to a certain behavior.
In a real, intimate relationship, this is great; but it becomes detrimental if one partner is viewing pornography frequently. Arousal and pleasure become associated with viewing pornography due to the dopamine release, influencing them to continue watching pornography rather than seeking out real intimacy.
Due to the repetitive release of dopamine, the brain becomes overloaded and reacts by cutting down on the dopamine receptors. According to the article, dopamine receptors are the tiny “ears” on the end of the neuron that “hear” dopamine’s message. Since a person will need even more dopamine than before to become aroused, their cravings to watch pornography will intensify.
The repetitive viewing of pornography damages the frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for decision-making and logic. Any damage to this part of the brain will make it much harder to exercise willpower and self-control. As the cravings increase, it becomes easier to give in to watching pornography more often. At this point, they grow accustomed to the pornography they have already seen and the amount of dopamine released when they view it. Those images will no longer give them the same “high” and they must then move on to more intense (hardcore) pornography to fulfill their needs and increase the dopamine released.

There is hope!
As impossible as it sounds, there is hope. You can overcome a dependency on pornography. As explained in the beginning, the brain becomes dependent on behaviors and changes to cater to the addiction. One way to change this is by replacing reward pathways with something else that makes you feel pleasure in a different way. These replacements could be starting a hobby you enjoy, spend more time with friends and family etc. 
Your dependency on pornography has not always existed. Just like struggling with a drug addiction, this dependency can end and it can be changed! It can take time to figure out what these steps look like but it can be done!

Question: Does it make sense that porn can numb me out in my general life?

Basically, I feel like I'm not fully present in this world. It's a strange sensation where it feels like my 2 feet are not on the ground. I feel like I'm floating through life and days and nights are flying by. In Yeshiva, I'll go through a whole day and look back and be like "what did I do today?" In bein hazmanim I'll be on my phone for 11 hours a day and when I'm asked to help around the house Ill say one sec but it quickly turns into 2 hours. 

I am currently struggling with a porn addiction where the second my phone enters my bedroom, its game over and I fall over and over. Over the course of the last couple years, every time I watch it, I get more numb to the sensation and by now the only pleasure I receive is from the masturbation (which I really force it sometimes). Also, my parents have a filter on my phone where they see what I'm doing but it doesn't help me at all. So I see this idea of getting numbed out to pleasure in porn where I don't care anymore who knows if I do it. This is very scary because I know I'm supposed to care. 

Just curious if my not feeling present in and losing touch of reality can be a result of this addiction?

I found this post; it's somewhat of a masterpiece. My comments will be in the next post - providin' that I still have time.

Dear Addiction, 

I hate you. You ruthlessly exposed me to the most immoral, disgusting parts of the world. You robbed me of my emotions, my friends, my family, and anything I respected and held dear. You cruelly wormed your way into my life, demanding my full attention. You're a monster disguised as a friend. 
I love you. You held my hand when life was tough. You were the only tool in my depleting arsenal. You never abandoned me.  You also taught me how strong and resilient I am. How deep my yearning for purity runs. You were the catalyst for some of the most beautiful relationships in my life. 
And this paradox snuffs every bit of life out of me. It haunts me day and night. A complex combination of two polarizing emotions. 
Good and evil. 
Purity and immorality. 
Connection and dissociation. 
You had me caught up in your sticky web. I struggled to break free. I spent every last drop of strength vacillating between victory and surrender. 
It's a complex game of chess. Black against white. Purity against evil.
Calculated, careful moves. 
I tried to keep my eye on the goal-  black's king. Capture and kill this addiction festering inside me. 
One move at a time. 
A filter. 
An accountability partner. 
Therapy. 
Podcasts. 
Distractions. 
Education. 
Prevention. 
Substitutions. 
I kept moving forward. I was winning this game. I was fighting with the devil itself. 
At times, it appeared that I was losing. Black's moves were clever. Sly. Secretive. 
Black's king appeared to me in my dreams, whispering platitudes in my ear. 
It promised me freedom. To be an honorary prisoner of war, if I only surrendered. 
It promised me serenity. To live in an isolated castle, disconnected from the tumultuous world. 
I found myself dancing with the devil. Inviting him back into my life. Welcoming his reassuring presence, like an old, worn shoe. 
And then I got angry at you, addiction. I cut off all contact with you. I threatened to report you, to have you killed, to have you placed on death row. 
And it finally, finally, felt like you were retreating. 
I had forgotten how clever and evil you are. I forgot how much you enjoy robbing me of my mortality. 
And so, your latest surprise attack had me writhing on the ground, nearly dead. 
I was not prepared for it. 
I never imagined you would attack me with this sort of warfare. I still naively believed in the goodness of humanity, you included. 
I believed that even a black king has a white, pure soul.
I was so sadly mistaken. 
But, addiction, I want you to know that as of right now, the battle is over. 
Sure, you had me locked under your chokehold, gasping for air. 
Sure, you kept pelting me with toxic shame, anger, and resentment.
Sure, I was slowly bleeding to death. 
But I rose like a lion.
And with a mighty roar, I jumped on top of you, outsmarting you, knocking you down under my chokehold. 
White is moving forward, closing in on black. 
Calculated, careful moves. 
One square at a time. 
Confession. 
Tears. 
New filter. 
Delete an app. 
Surrender to the ultimate Chessmaster. 
I won this time.
Checkmate, addiction. 

Expecting your surrender, 
Me

eliklein wrote on 04 Oct 2023 17:51:

“I did everything and ruined my life”.
Your opportunity right now is take the life that you have right now (No matter how bad it is and how low you have sunk) and use that life to grow close to hashem by turning now in the right direction.  If you do that you will find that nothing is ruined at all. 

eliklein wrote on 04 Oct 2023 17:51:

If you would not want to stop, you would not come to GYE. The good news is you don't need to stop - and you can't stop.
Hashem created you with this special drive and it's for your benefit. The next step is to figure out how you will channel it in a way that will bring the best results for you and for the world around you. 

As you can see from this forum, many many people struggle with lust on some level, and a high percentage have stumbled in these areas as well. Even Tzadikim of previous generations struggled in this area (as they mention “the sins of their youth”), so you can imagine that those who seek purity in a generation such as ours are truly from Hashem’s greatest warriors! You can also see here that so many who thought they are hopeless - are now clean for a long time... 

The Zohar says that there can be no light if it doesn’t come first through the darkest darkness. Even in a state of deep darkness, we must recognize that Hashem is with us, loves us, and is hiding Himself only so that we will ultimately be able to appreciate His light so much more. Hashem is always ready to help us, as soon as we are ready to let Him.

Stay connected and keep us posted - we need you!

HI, everyone!
iam a 18 year old boy,
i'm addicted and trapped in this addiction,
​I was already at a therapist, but that didn't help me, i contact already people,
and I did everything and ruined my life!!!I have girlfriends and all these kinds of things, and my problem is that I don't even want to drop them, cuz I like it, but I know it's wrong,

somebachur wrote on 21 Sep 2023 04:46:

This is amazing advice. I have struggled with this for a long time, and I only recently started to get this under control. Everyone's situation is different, but I deleted the email totally from the phone. I work in an office and have a computer in front of me all day; I don't need it on my phone. I also switched the phone (iPhone) to Grey Scale. It turns the phone Black and White and is much less interesting to look at. I also leave it in a different room when going to bed. I will not touch the device for at least the first hour that I am out of bed and at least one hour before I go to bed. 

I basically turned my smartphone into a boring dumbphone. I kept the few apps I need (Waze,Banking,Whats App)... I have to consistently check my phone on a weekly basis to make sure that I didn't download something that shouldn't be there. There are many tricks to allow you to have the convenience of a smartphone without all the craziness that goes along with them. 

Or call from a payphone (for those who remember payphones and walking into stores to change quarters ) !

Get a beeper, don’t even get a flip phone and then when you get paged borrow someone else’s phone to call back unless you happen to be sitting next to “a landline”.

bright wrote on 04 Oct 2023 00:37:

True. I don't know why but it's so hard to are the move and get rid of it... maybe even harder then quitting P&M...

What are the devices on the market today for frum yidden aside of flip phones? 

redfaced wrote on 03 Oct 2023 22:25:

אשריך.

May many people including myself be Zocheh to be as responwible as you are

Yes but now everyone is expected to respond at current speeds..... I think like what has been said its a question of priorities. In general, people respect when your a man of scruples. A boss may not be so appreciative of it though. I see all the anti smartphone posters in my area that always have a caveat in tinsy letters ​except for business in special circumstances, one should consult with his rav. there is a reason for that. But of course consult with your rav. If it is decided you dont needone than the solution to your question is simple.

future paltiel wrote on 03 Oct 2023 17:14:

Everyone that I work with on a regular basis knows me, and knows that I don't have access to my emails after hours .
If they send me something that is time sensitive there will either be a phone call or a text message. I do have a laptop at home for things that are important.