From my perspective, my life has improved dramatically in every way since starting recovery. Recovery for me has to start with the attitude of never acting out again. I have slipped up since getting into recovery and, as you say, got up and tried again, but my goal is be sober permanently. This has benefited my relationship with my wife, with my family, Hashem, my learning, my work, my mood and other things. For me, settling for less than permanent sobriety is like settling for half a life. It's like a drowning man who manages to get to the surface, takes a breath and says, that's so much better I don't even feel the need to swim for shore. That's crazy talk, no?

I say my goal is to be sober permanently but my mindset has to be one day at a time. ODAAT is not a gimmick or a trick. Some people think it means that if you can hang on for 24 hours you can keep hanging on every 24 hours. As Dov says, that's like saying if I can hold my breath for a minute, I can hold it for an hour, one minute at a time. No, eventually I'll need to take a breath, just like eventually I'll need to masturbate.

ODAAT means I'm focussed on living well today, staying calm, connected to Hashem and my fellow addicts. Not because ODAAT will keep me sober, but because today is the only day that's important. It's the only day my actions can affect. So it takes priority over tomorrow or 90 days. But the fundamental changes that recovery is focussed on helps me in every aspect on my life.

Let me ask you, why are you not shooting for permanent sobriety? Is it because deep down you don't think it's possible? You don't think it's necessary? You just plain don't want it? What is it?

I mean, I hear the argument of not trying to be a perfectionist, but permanent sobriety is not perfection. Believe me, it's possible to mess up a lot of things and still be sober. I see staying sober as pretty fundamental. You wouldn't say you're OK to eat pork every 90 days, or be mechalel Shabbos once in a while. That's not being a perfectionist, it's a matter of priorities. And, I don't know about you, but I keep one Shabbos at a time.

Hope that wasn't too rambling, or chas vesholom harsh, it certainly wasn't meant to be. Have a wonderful day my friend.

Welcome. You're in the right place.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

Welcome. You're in the right place.

The problem isn't in the devices. The problem is in us.

Please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

Welcome. You're in the right place.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

GuardMyEyes26 wrote on 26 Feb 2017 05:56:

I said hi already!!!!!
You call this thread my battle
Purim is soon so grab a bottle
WoodFord is the brand if you driving a Ford Truck

Hope77 wrote on 26 Feb 2017 04:59:

I'm excited for you too!
Chodesh Sameach!

Hi guys!
I'm really excited I finally signed up to gye! BH!
I should of done this a while back and I'm happy I'm finally on track to deal with my addiction to internet as a whole, and Specifically to non tznius pictures and videos.

I'm kind of overwhelmed by the amount of articles and tools of GYE so I'm not really sure how to go about, but I guess I'll learn my way around.

Starting the 90 day challenge today (what does a clean day mean? Just not looking at bad stuff, or even if I had bad thoughts it's bad already?)..

It looks like there is a very supportive community here.. hope to hear from you.. 
i might post my full story one day (I'm not sure there is a need to).

wish myself and all of you much success!

PE is premature ejaculation. He means sitting because the advocate a person experimenting and trying to desensitize themselves – something that obviously is clearly not an option either for an addict for for a religious Jew

what up??

I did that, you did not get back to me, need someone to reach out to me feeling down,

To bring the topic back to addiction, the same theory that Still Going presented applies here too. It seemed from the many people on Guard Your Eyes, that there is no one method that will work for everyone. Just like children, we too need to try the different ways until we find the one that will let us sleep through the night without masturbating.

I have not posted in over a month ....anyone with half a minute could deduce that on their own but that was the first thing that struck me as i wanted to write a post

but what i really want to write down is how weird i feel 

i have definitely made changes ...in my shmirat habrit, in my habits, in the way i talk to my family, all for the positive i hope .....

i can say that if i did have addiction i seem to have some understanding ....though its possible i never had true addiction in the first place .....but i never feel done ....i always feel "on guard" ..."watchful".....

one reason is that while my acting out episodes have gone down ....i am unsure if i am really doing better ....because my positive actions feel less .....

for sure i am more positive to my family ....especially my wife ....but in my quest to help her feel better i feel like my relationship with Hashem suffers tremendously ....

for one my wife has been having alot of issues emunah wise .....

even things we have accomplished halachically i am constantly unsure if we are doing correctly ...and she doesnt care she has enough to worry about ....what with a chronic illness an all though even there we have made some strides ....

but also in the realm of finance i am not doing well ....seems everywhere i turn money is "supposed to be coming" but for reasons that vary ...its not here now ....

also i am under pretty steep debt 

i dont daven nearly as much as i used to ....but when i do i bawl out like i never got to pray in my life ....i dont know how much quality those prayers are even .....some days i end up putting on tefillin at tziet .....unfortunately i also have no spiritual guidance .....i dont feel like the rav i used to go to can really help me anymore ....hes at a different level than i am now....

I will say more later 

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 23 Feb 2017 22:11:

Sounds like it's not the bochur who needs help ;-)

But looks like you've actually gotten help! Kol haKavod! Now work step 12.

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 23 Feb 2017 22:11:


Like I said elsewhere, this is a dehumanizing challenge. When we act out it brings out the worst.

I can definitely relate to that, and I think there's a lot of truth there. We're not people who respond in a healthy way to stress and difficult situations.

What does Dov say? "when the going gets tough, the addict gets...acting out?"