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25 Apr 2017 14:33
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gibbor120
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Rosh Yeshivas Chavrusa wrote on 25 Apr 2017 00:30:
I appreciate you reaching out but you must understand, stuff you mention in your article is so far off from me. I have never watched straight out porn or masturbated. I have issues with the internet but to such extremes? Rachmana Litzlan.
I'm not sure if you mean the "captain kirk" article.
You were vague in your description. You said
My problem centers around hearing curious words and trying to find out what they mean all the while understanding where they may lead. My main issue is youtube, even though I have a webchaver, youtube is not reported.and I will usually fall into a youtube "hole" when I click on one thing. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Every time I think I am free for a period of time it strikes again. I will say I have never viewed pornography outright rather I would watch bad movies on youtube or game walkthroughs that I was curious about all the while knowing they were less than kosher.
Maybe you could elaborate. What do you mean by "hearing curious words and trying to find out what they mean"? What words? How bad are they? What do they lead you to? What do you mean by "bad movies" or games that were "less than kosher"? Can you be more specific?
I will say that one thing leads to another. The Y"H says do one thing today and another tomorrow. Do you feel that things are getting worse, or staying about the same? If they are staying about the same, I'm not sure if you need this site. Maybe you just have a bad habbit and need to find a "kosher" outlet. If things are getting worse, you are spending more time, or you are searching for things that are more inappropriate, you need to find a way to stop before it gets worse. The internet is naturally addictive. It feeds our need to seek. The more we seek, the more we find, the more we seek..., and the cycle is endless because the internet is endless.
Either way, talking to someone can be helpful. Talking out a problem is helpful no matter what the problem is.
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25 Apr 2017 13:11
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Markz
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Singularity wrote on 25 Apr 2017 12:59:
That's a sad post.
Don't you want to be free, Willy?
Can you not salvage your marriage? Perhaps if you pursue the freedom you desire. It'll all fall in place.
Many women know Spanish but speak "a different language"
By the laws of mother nature it's natural for a marriage to dissipate
When you can find yourself a different mother, your addiction and marriage can get under control
Does it sound like I'm talking Chinese?
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25 Apr 2017 01:31
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yiraishamaim
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Trouble wrote on 24 Apr 2017 13:46:
So, I think this is the appropriate thread (hilariously entertaining story; he really should do more) for what I am about to write, for two reasons: 1. Because it doesn't need to be accurate, and 2. The message is sublime (like my posts have meaning....ha!), so, here goes:
After seeing Cordnoy's post to Mr Taub, I was inspired to reveal the following revelation: last week I fell, and I don't give one damn! That's right; not at all. Why? For two reasons (that seems to be the motto today): 1. Because it wasn't my fault (how can there even be another reason?), and 2. Because I'm addicted and we live life one (insert expletive) day at a time.
So, here's what happened: I was at a business meeting (that's allowed; no?) and an associate (who I have seen before and fantasized over one too many times) of the investor was there as well, and my apologies, but this paragraph, where I went into details about the prelude to what transpired, was edited (deleted) by a moderator after I sent it to him for approval, so suffice it to say: there was a side room and the deed was done.
Now, I have been clean/sober for three (i.e.) years, three months, three weeks, three days and three hours before this happened, so it wasn't like I was white-knuckling or something; I was living in serenity and peace (for the most part). I didn't seek her out. I didn't (i.e.) plan this. It was obviously orchestrated by God. I will continue with my sobriety plan. One moment has nothing to do with the next. There is no reason to get down on myself. It wasn't like I set this ordeal up. It's not like I clicked on a website, drove up and down street corners, visited a brothel or club, engaged in illicit relations with multiple women; I simply am living One Dame At A Time.
I must comment. Please remember I write as a fellow traveler who struggles and has fallen more than I enjoy to admit. I am surely no better than you and have begun a count just a few short days ago. I am very confused. Our struggle is a major challenge to us. Call it an illness or Yetzer Harah but it goes under the general umbrella of a challenge. A challenge that seems larger than life itself at times but a struggle or challenge just the same. Engaging in this behavior is also a sin. Even if we are not being drawn in because of pure Yetzer Harah, we certainly have an obligation to seek out the necessary tools to cease behaving in this self-destructing manner. For the sake of making life manageable, for the sake of our families for the sake of a million reasons and yes for the sake of our souls. Having the nisayon you had with this woman I imagine was ALMOST impossible to pass. No way can anyone judge you. Who necessarily among us would of passed? However, understand that it was a major fall. You did lose out big time. Imagine now if Yoseph would have had relations with Potiphars wife.
would not be king of Mitzraim would not have the zechus of supporting Am Yisroel for years would not be given the title of “Yoseph Hatzadik” l'olam va'ed
Instead, he'd have the concellation prize of having the guys in the forum understand him. After all, he had an excuse – he didn't ask for this, his lust was on steriods and off the charts, and hey tomorrow is another day. One day at a time, right? No judgment on you my friend. Who can claim to be Yoseph Hatzadik? But then again the big bucks will go elsewhere and the bag of lame excuses is all that remains. As for the fact you are not bothered. I don't believe you. No, you are not a liar. Just a person in pain that needs validation. How can I be so sure? I can't be. But people who are not in pain don't make their points with exclamation marks. In short, they don't scream, they just flippantly mention them.
Also my friends. Let's be careful not to in any way celebrate indulging in lustful behavior. Been there, done that. no? Let's see the filthy ugly destructive behavior as it truly is.
If not, why the H____ are we here?
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24 Apr 2017 21:45
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stillgoing
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"Trouble" post=311262 date=1493041615 catid=23So, I think this is the appropriate thread (hilariously entertaining story; he really should do more) for what I am about to write, for two reasons: 1. Because it doesn't need to be accurate, and 2. The message is sublime (like my posts have meaning....ha!), so, here goes:
After seeing Cordnoy's post to Mr Taub, I was inspired to reveal the following revelation: last week I fell, and I don't give one damn! That's right; not at all. Why? For two reasons (that seems to be the motto today): 1. Because it wasn't my fault (how can there even be another reason?), and 2. Because I'm addicted and we live life one (insert expletive) day at a time.
So, here's what happened: I was at a business meeting (that's allowed; no?) and an associate (who I have seen before and fantasized over one too many times) of the investor was there as well, and my apologies, but this paragraph, where I went into details about the prelude to what transpired, was edited (deleted) by a moderator after I sent it to him for approval, so suffice it to say: there was a side room and the deed was done.
Now, I have been clean/sober for three (i.e.) years, three months, three weeks, three days and three hours before this happened, so it wasn't like I was white-knuckling or something; I was living in serenity and peace (for the most part). I didn't seek her out. I didn't (i.e.) plan this. It was obviously orchestrated by God. I will continue with my sobriety plan. One moment has nothing to do with the next. There is no reason to get down on myself. It wasn't like I set this ordeal up. It's not like I clicked on a website, drove up and down street corners, visited a brothel or club, engaged in illicit relations with multiple women; I simply am living One Dame At A Time.
Like I wrote, I don't know if my opinions are right, but for cords sake, here they are
"I'm addicted and we live life one (insert expletive) day at a time." - Agree
" It was obviously orchestrated by God." - Disagree. Everything is orchestrated by G-d, even the death of a family member. Not my fault, but i'll still care.
I will continue with my sobriety plan. ..... There is no reason to get down on myself. " - Agree
" One moment has nothing to do with the next." - In the context of sobriety, I suppose you're right.
" last week I fell, and I don't give one damn! That's right; not at all." - Disagree
" hilariously entertaining story; he really should do more" - Definitely Agree!
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24 Apr 2017 19:55
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Hawkman
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Hi,
My story begins over 15 years ago. I was a child, not even a teenager yet. I noticed an article in the time magazine about certain practices. I didn't go into it as my family was there, but the subject stuck with me. Some time later i decided to look it up, and i googled for hours trying to remember what it was called. When I finally found what I was looking for, I was introduced to stuff I had never seen before, and which I somehow felt drawn to. For years I went online to these sites, getting deeper and deeper. I did not even know what I was doing then, though it felt wrong. I didn't even try to stop till I was around 17. Even then, as disgusted as I felt with myself I could only stop for short periods. But I always went back, whether due to boredom, or some sight which triggered my desire. I have felt disgusted with myself for years, and have been slightly depressed as I watched my friends grow, but I could not as these images were constantly in my head. The only true reprieves I had was when I was younger and was not yet so addicted and my days at sleep away camp. Thank Hashem for that. I spent much time searching for anonymous help. I thought of seeing psychologist, but was too afraid that I might somehow know them or someone would find out. I am now engaged and I finally found out about GYE accidentally while looking up chosson class info. It has only been a few days but I already feel much better. I only hope I can win.
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24 Apr 2017 18:44
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GrowStrong
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TFLMS wrote on 24 Apr 2017 18:24:
cordnoy wrote on 24 Apr 2017 14:08:
I'm not sure what the one year accomplishes.
1. Many non-addicts can't stay sober for a year.
2. Some addicts can stay sober for a year and still be addicted.
The white book has an entire chapter on this subject.
I think people need to be honest with themselves, and since that's not such a high commodity, they should try it with another.
Not sure what you meant by your post, if you can explain I'll appreciate................
He was commenting on my post which was a commentary thru direct quote on addict/non addict concept.
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24 Apr 2017 18:24
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TFLMS
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cordnoy wrote on 24 Apr 2017 14:08:
I'm not sure what the one year accomplishes.
1. Many non-addicts can't stay sober for a year.
2. Some addicts can stay sober for a year and still be addicted.
The white book has an entire chapter on this subject.
I think people need to be honest with themselves, and since that's not such a high commodity, they should try it with another.
Not sure what you meant by your post, if you can explain I'll appreciate................
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24 Apr 2017 16:09
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Shivisi_Hashem
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Markz wrote on 24 Apr 2017 15:43:
Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 24 Apr 2017 14:51:
cordnoy wrote on 24 Apr 2017 14:30:
So, in your interest of today, what are you doin' today?
so, here is my TODAY plan,until 6 pm, I'm at work, and since I'm a GYE member, I'm not involved any more in any wrong doing at work, I used to work around with our filter, but I don't do that any more, after 6 till the kids go to sleep, like 10 pm, I will be Busy with them, so my struggle begins about 10, I will stay strong, planning on going over the GYE handbook etc. and if ill have any urge, ill post right away here,
hope to be back tomorrow SOBER, CLEAN..
The Rebbe that wears a cord instead of a gartel asked something
I think he meant, and as acting Gabbai I'll say this
You mentioned "since I'm a GYE member..."
What does that mean?
When one registers he gets reborn?
Maybe I didn't register right???
yes, and definitely yes, the Gemara says: גר שנתגייר הוא כתינוק שנולד and we in our addiction and struggles are like גרים, we have the same struggles they have, and that's how I feel about my self, like a new person, a new life, even I'm here only for 3 weeks, but my last 30 years, was full of garbage, full of regrets, riding on huge rollercoaster, ups and downs, unhappy person, now I'm sober, I feel so much better.
you did register right, and you were reborn too, but you are much much longer on this great program, so maybe you don't feel it that much any more like me, its like when you get to a new yeshivah, the first 3 weeks, is with much a bigger excitement then after 3 zmanim in the same yeshivah....
Makes sense????
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24 Apr 2017 15:47
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Markz
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David26fr wrote on 24 Apr 2017 15:18:
So, after asking some experts, this condition in the GYE taphsic is broken when there is zera levatala.
But I will need to modify this sentence in the Taphsic, and make it more clear : zera levatala or simple masturbation, but not the two.
Even if this wasn't a fall after all, and it wasn't needed for my Taphsic, I talked about this night with my wife to stay honest and open with her, like she asked me to be when she discovered my addiction.
She explained me that for her, after all, it wasn't a fall but a victory, because I managed to stop before it was too late
You can modify your Taphsic or click "report to modifier" in case you want to try something else ;-)
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24 Apr 2017 15:18
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David26fr
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So, after asking some experts, this condition in the GYE taphsic is broken when there is zera levatala.
But I will need to modify this sentence in the Taphsic, and make it more clear : zera levatala or simple masturbation, but not the two.
Even if this wasn't a fall after all, and it wasn't needed for my Taphsic, I talked about this night with my wife to stay honest and open with her, like she asked me to be when she discovered my addiction.
She explained me that for her, after all, it wasn't a fall but a victory, because I managed to stop before it was too late
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24 Apr 2017 14:08
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cordnoy
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I'm not sure what the one year accomplishes.
1. Many non-addicts can't stay sober for a year.
2. Some addicts can stay sober for a year and still be addicted.
The white book has an entire chapter on this subject.
I think people need to be honest with themselves, and since that's not such a high commodity, they should try it with another.
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24 Apr 2017 13:46
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Trouble
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So, I think this is the appropriate thread (hilariously entertaining story; he really should do more) for what I am about to write, for two reasons: 1. Because it doesn't need to be accurate, and 2. The message is sublime (like my posts have meaning....ha!), so, here goes:
After seeing Cordnoy's post to Mr Taub, I was inspired to reveal the following revelation: last week I fell, and I don't give one damn! That's right; not at all. Why? For two reasons (that seems to be the motto today): 1. Because it wasn't my fault (how can there even be another reason?), and 2. Because I'm addicted and we live life one (insert expletive) day at a time.
So, here's what happened: I was at a business meeting (that's allowed; no?) and an associate (who I have seen before and fantasized over one too many times) of the investor was there as well, and my apologies, but this paragraph, where I went into details about the prelude to what transpired, was edited (deleted) by a moderator after I sent it to him for approval, so suffice it to say: there was a side room and the deed was done.
Now, I have been clean/sober for three (i.e.) years, three months, three weeks, three days and three hours before this happened, so it wasn't like I was white-knuckling or something; I was living in serenity and peace (for the most part). I didn't seek her out. I didn't (i.e.) plan this. It was obviously orchestrated by God. I will continue with my sobriety plan. One moment has nothing to do with the next. There is no reason to get down on myself. It wasn't like I set this ordeal up. It's not like I clicked on a website, drove up and down street corners, visited a brothel or club, engaged in illicit relations with multiple women; I simply am living One Dame At A Time.
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24 Apr 2017 13:03
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GrowStrong
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The litmus test of an addict from the big book:
As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power. If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.
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24 Apr 2017 11:39
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bb0212
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What an amazing story! To struggle so much, to feel so lost and then to be sober two years. Bh. My struggle is not at all an addiction so I really can't relate to what you went/are going through, but you are definitely a huge inspiration to many people. While it can be easy to judge - either to judge another, or to judge oneself, and be knocked down for "stooping so low", at the end of the day, Hashem gives each of us a different test, a very personalized test. The challenge is for each of us to find a way to get through and it seems like definitely have found a way. Kol hakavod, keep up the fantastic work.
ps you have a fantastic blessing to have such a supportive wife!
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24 Apr 2017 00:04
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Yoseph1
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I downloaded the SA white book onto IBooks a while back and it keeps me very busy and intrigued most days. The information and structure of 12 step recovery is so important to the life of an addict like me. At times I felt like I was reading my own story. To see others, even worse than myself tell their story and how they have recovered is truly comforting.
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