Masayin, I know exactly what you mean by a compy chizik or scary mussar, those are the two feeling's that we are always looking to FEEL! And we go from one to another!!

we have to learn to start doing The right things with out those sweet feeling, when the sweetest feeling is like a dried prune, hashem I don't feel scared of you, I gave up on being a holy Jew, but.... I will still seek you out because YOU I believe that you are good for me, I am giving myself over to you even though I really don't want to and don't feel mushy about it either

I guess i'll need my own jellybean forum 

QUOTE FROM SHMIRAS AINYANIM EMAIL (1391):

Footnote by the editor:For the above-stated reason, GYE is in the process of dividing the website into two separate websites: one for non-addicts and one for addicts. We hope it's ready by the end of 2017, be"H.

Footnote by the editor:For the above-stated reason, GYE is in the process of dividing the website into two separate websites: one for non-addicts and one for addicts. We hope it's ready by the end of 2017, be"H.

yiraishamaim wrote on 14 May 2017 02:13:


Thank you Yerai,  
 I appreciate your chizuk as I always have the past two years (even during your long absence).

We both have the same goal. Deprive the trigger of as much attention as possible. Perhaps you are on a higher level of sobriety then me. You write for a 'small' trigger you just push it away. I have no idea how you do that. I can't just say adabra kdabra and the thought will be gone. Perhaps you have developed a method in your mind to 'push it away' because for me, it's the pink elephant syndrome. Try to push it away and it comes back double.
I've found that by simply saying a number I am able to move on. I can't simply ignore it. I am addicted to lust. I can't pretend that I'm not.
Again, perhaps you are in a better place then me and you are somehow able to simply 'push the thought away' we both agree that we want the thought gone as fast as possible, and I'm happy that you are able to do it instantly.
I need about 1 second to acknowledge that I'm lusting and then I can move on.

Hi Stillgoing,
First of all may I just say how much I respect your courage for taking on the SSA struggle. I need not tell you how so many have given in to this particular challenge and taken this  to another level - embracing brazenly what secular society calls simply "an alternative lifestyle". You on the other hand are not backing down from this formidable challenge.
This expression of respect for you is long overdue.
I have no doubt that Hashem is so proud of your efforts. 
KOMT! 
As for our issue at hand. I remember Dov writing that when a person finds himself obsessing over someone it is wise to daven for that person. I think it is to make the person more human and less an object of desire. At the same time Dov suggests it is not wise to daven frequently at very situation, for that is really a way that your fooling yourself so you can focus on the lust a bit longer. ( I hope I understood Dov correctly)
Again we are not all the same. For me to count triggers would be giving the trigger too much importance. I would end up focusing on it a second or more than I should. To do that would be counter productive for recovery.
I have come to realize that even the mizbeach mind trick I do, should be done only sparingly. Only if its's a little bit stronger of a nisayon than usual should I employ this method

So I have three levels of dealing.
1)usual simple - push away
2) intermediate - mizbeach mind game 
3) obsessive - daven for the person

So Mark is always asking that we post 'what works for me'.
Evrything and nothing works for me, but  here is something easy that has helped me  over the  past week.

We all know that it's very hard to count clean days, even one day at a time requires us to be sober for a while day! last week i started counting every time that I got triggered. I did it in my head and didn't lose track because it was a counstant count that was always going up. Since I can get triggered on a constant bases, using the triggers to help me stay  focused helped me a lot. Often I would actually say the number out loud (a few people actually asked me "what did you say?" But they're not addicts, how could they understand ) and that helped the lure of the trigger fade into the distance. Somtimes I tried for another glance after I counted, so I added another number since it was another test.
 Somtimes I could go a few hours without adding any numbers (sleeping) and sometimes I could add 10 in a few minutes (shachris). I began to actually welcome the triggeres as opportunities to add numbers (as opposed to welcoming then for a whole nother reason)

The rules are, be lenient when deciding if it's a trigger. If it might be then it is and it counts. We have all experienced good and natural neutral parive events can lead us to act out hours later. So don't analyze if it's a trigger or not. It probably is.

Even though my particular challenge does not include ladys I added for that too since even for an ssa guy, imodestly dressed lady's are wrong and I shouldn't assume that I'll never be tempted.

The numbers added up fast and yesterday on the highway I reached 100 (thanks to the passenger in the car next to mine). My reaction surprised me. I actually got emotional and thanked Hashem for these 100 opportunities. That 100 times Hashem tested me and I passed. When I only counted days I would get depressed that I only managed to stay clean for a few days, but look, it's 100 times!

At 104 I fell. I won't say 'so what' because falls hurt, but i now realize that I passed 104 out of 105. I think that it puts things into perspective.
 I am not happy with the status quo, as the De'blasio said 'vision zero' for casualties. But I'm not starting from zero. I 'scored' 104 and am now continuing. Currently 110.

If anybody wants to try this on their own or as a group we can post here where we are holding or any thoughts/experiences about this.

COC
sg