Welcome.
Feel alot of what you wrote.
Hatzlacha

Welcome,
You have made the right choice coming here for help. GYE has many tools to help, and everyone is here to help.
Feel free to reach out when in need
-360gye

Hi welcome Aboard!

You have come to the right place. Here on this site many have found a solution to our common problem. For me this site was a life savor. Coming here for me was the beginning of a lifetime journey that i have started. I have been trudging the road here since then and had much success, and loo forward one day at a time to keep on growing.

​We are all here for the same reason, with some slight different symptoms.  With Hashems help I wish you to find what you are looking for.

Lomed

Welcome

thanks for the share

What have you tried so far?

i just need help im 25 and masturbated since bar mitzvah first time was i think cld be even before it. i cant get over beautiful and charming girls and women. iv watched and looked at porn throughout all the years

Distract yourself. Learning Torah is the best way! Learn Torah everyday with daf yomi. Also teach your kids Torah. It will be fun and healthy and benefitable. It will help you to get closer to HaShem and it would be pleasing to see your kids grow with HaShem's Torah. Good luck bro. Hatzlacha!

mikestruggling wrote on 23 Jun 2017 06:07:

Have you read this thread yet?
This
Baruch became a big bokky in SA once he got past all the other stuff
other than calling each step by its Torah version I don't see any crazy way of reinventing the wheel...
emuna, bitachon, bittul, cheshbon hanefesh, selichot, ratzon, hitbodedut, gemilat chasadim, what's the common thread between them all asides from them each being steps.
they all appear repeatedly throughout mussar and chassidus. So we are blessed with references from the Torah for everything 
It just means once we get it it should be a strong healthy truthful honest recovery.

by the way brother you are thinking too much 
it was already mentioned here i am mentioning it again
I recognize it because it's one of my addictions 

Shteeble wrote on 22 Jun 2017 19:03:



For the record I had the schut many years ago to go to one of Rav Shimshon's couple shabbosim and he was one of my heroes in Torah.
I dont think he was talking about recovered addicts who give their lives and will over to the creator of the universe how they understand Him.
Because those people are just as precious in Hashems Eyes, and just as much His children. 
Hashem has enough love for everyone who reaches out to Him.
And Hashem knows when someone says Yoshke if they are referring to Him or not.
Its not our place to read into their minds.
I have found less conflict with this whole discussion through having a mind focused on the Geula.
When we get to geula, The yidden will be the cohanim and the goyim will be the yidden, for Hashem will not be hidden like he was before, and ALL those that seeked Him will be a part of that. 
So maybe the alcoholics who find God and recovery are sparks of the geula just like the children of the Elef Shviit are sparks of the geula (see ramchal) 
Rav Taub says that addicts are just more spiritual creatures who need God in their lives all the time. That rings true with the above.
One of my theories is that most of the kids born today to Yidden are neshamot elef shvii... it would be one explanation why it says that having babies now in todays dor is bringing the geula.
But the fact is, that all this is just hyperbole, whats real and important is that we have to approach Hashem and give Him our lives to manage... and what Gevura said is exactly right... and what shteeble in reply that its all Siyatta Dishmaya is also right.
What ISNT siyatta dishmaya?
My recovery for SURE is.

Sounds good but if you realize that you cant control yourself and your thoughts and you keep lusting, viewing, acting out then we can speak of other ways to recover

Dov wrote on 22 Jun 2017 16:17:

Thank you Dov,
very useful post..

breakfreegye wrote on 07 Jun 2017 14:26:

Exercise is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Sex w your wife is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Finding things that will distract you is often useful and can help in some limited situations - but it is no solution. Davening is often great and can help - but it is no solution. 

(Earlier this month) Your wife recently had a miscarriage. 

Are you hearing the solution yet?

There is 'an elephant in the room'. Have you gotten closer to her since the miscarriage? How much closer? The closer you get with her, the LESS you will need sex. Love - real love - kills lust. Sexaholics know this, experience it, and it works. Though you are probably not an addict, this path can still work for you and it can start to really solve a great deal of your problem. 

Exercising, davening, distracting yourself...gevalt. Your wife may have just had deep hopes dashed, blood coming out of her where a baby should have, and who knows what fear and sadness are coursing through her for the past few weeks (I do not know her personal state and issues around the miscarriage, but the above is pretty normal, though many women do not admit it especially to men). You may have talked w her a lot - but if the sex is bothering you, that probably means you may not have talked w her enough. Not gotten deep with both of your feelings yet. 

I am not faulting you for having selfish sexual desire, Good L-rd no. I have that plenty of that, too. But the miscarriage is a unique opportunity to get closer instead of running away deeper into your sex-starvedness, and demanding nature that we all suffer with. May Hashem help you, me, and all of us use every one of these opportunities to grasp onto the real solutions to life's problems, the greatest of which is our own ego and neediness. Hatzlocha reaching out to her more than ever before and letting this miscarriage bring you closer and really solve your loneliness that sex screams to fill. It worked for my wife and me when that happened to us. It can work for you, too.

Helpful at all?

- Dov  

This is my third time trying GYE, each time I just forget about it ...on purpose...yetzer hora at work

in the merit of Rabbi Twerski's refua, I signed up again with a determination to keep in the gye system

I have struggled with this addiction since age 9.
Though I have had few stretches of time where I was able to remove myself from this, I always fall back in

I have three amazing kids, and I need to be a mentch to be an example for them of proper middos

I am under a lot of stress currently, regarding parnassah and the future of my kids Jewish education. And  sadly this addiction has now planted itself right at the front of my mind as a source of relief from my stresses of life.

I blame HaShem I blame myself I blame my wife, my kids, everyone in my life for my stresses that gives me a freedom to continue this behavior in secret and free myself of guilt and shame.

My username is a quiet, low, almost inaudible tefilah to HaShem to Freemeplease

 Because I am powerless to change this behavior and I see no other path than to just keep justifying it.

Hi,
Welcome!  Check out the handbook,  Check out the dov quotes.  Check out the Dr. Sorotskin article on acting out.  (All can be found in my signature).  I think it is pretty common for people to be doing ok for a while, then act out for a while, ...  I did it for a long time.  The frequency and intensity of my acting out slowly kept getting worse and worse.

Keep posting.

Markz, if you're going to mention the  out in the open like that, people will find out and possibly give up the anonymity. Please be more careful, we don't want them to know...

Here's my situation, if I sleep well, eat well, running a normal schedule then bh there isn't much of a problem as I'm in control of myself and my thoughts don't even heed that direction it's only when I'm off balance that theres an addition, now if I take the appropriate precautions it's doable, it's only when I don't take the appropriate actions it's when i need MAGOR help; so there's 2 options 1) to daily check in on my addiction and be alert 2) when i see that in a week I'll be off balance then take precaution for that week before and for a week after I put myself back on my regular routine.

The problem that i have with the first approach is that maybe I'm feeding into the addiction, since this is a sickness and I'm taking medication maybe I'll be taking too much.

marks I believe that there are people here who visit gye every third Monday of the month and got the help they need and gye wants to reach out to them.  Could be I'm not like them but lets make sure I'm not like them.