Just cause you only did this and not that could mean you are an addict, A periodic drinker could also be an addict. I have only done porn and masturbation and I am an addict. But maybe you are not. 

In any case welcome! 

Welcome brother

You gotta listen more to dov. His clarity is amazing

As I understand he defines Sex Addiction simply - like any other addiction. For example Alcohol. Many people can enjoy a beer or 2. Some can get drunk on Purim and Simchas Torah and not any other time. An addict however cannot stop and once the 1st sip is downed it's downhill from there

I don't think I'm an addict. But the tools for breaking free are not 1 size fits all. Many can gain from the same meds that addicts take. For a very small minority a big Taphsic fence is sufficient. But it's not for most of us.

You're on a good road pal

Keep on Trucking ;-)

Should I post or not? What should I say?

Hello, guys!

Iv'e been around on this site for a couple of months as a guest, (a bechina of megalatefech, mechasa tfuchayim), it took me a fall on erev RH to decide to take this more seriously. I have been reading post after post, and I'm overwhelmed by the warmth of this beautiful community. I looked with kinah at the members with 900 days clean (like codorny) and the likes. This is unbelievable! I used to wonder if in this day and age, there are still happy and genuine selfless people in this world? After listening to the first of Dov's 12 steps program (by the encouragement of kv18) I saw that there still people in this world who truly Love Hashem! It's amazing! Mi K'amchu Yisrael! 

I was a bit hesitant to share my story. Es chatui ani mazkir hayom; in the past I used to like coming here mainly to get turned on by a juicy story. It was generally at the time when I was in a clean mode so I would' nt go straight to porn, but I fooled myself by saying; hey, this is all kosher, where can I go wrong... 
But I guess this it is the minhug here, Uleoilam al yafrish udam min hatzibur.. (please excuse my Hebrew, I am typing from a computer (B"H NO SMARTPHONE, thanks to my dear wife) so I don't have a Hebrew keyboard)
I am married regular guy, part of a larger Chasidic community; living and masturbating.. (did I mention porn?) I haven't done anything beyond porn B'H, so I assume my battlefield will be somewhat smaller. But from the other side, I can't really say the reason I'm here is for I "hit bottom". Cause I didn't. So far, my wife has no clue about any of this. I started masturbating at 12, bought a smartphone at 17 while in yeshiva, discovered porn and acted accordingly. I dropped my smartphone before I got married but bought a tablet instead. After a year through marriage, my wife urged me to drop the internet in the house, being that it (the internet, she doesn't even know about porn) destroyed our productivity and our connection. I followed her advice, and it had been one of my smartest decisions, of which I take great pride. Before getting married I stopped watching porn (regularly, although I did fall 4-5 times) from like 4-5 months before till 2-3 month after. But then it all fell apart. Since then I have seen ups and downs. The ups sometimes can last for 3-4 months, but never more. In the down times it can get pretty bad, like 2-3 times a week. My relationship with Hashem has been constantly improving in the past 2 year BH, and that has been a big push. But it was never enough to stop me completely. So here I am. 

It appears that this site is very addict oriented. I am a little unclear about the exact definition of an addict. Does everyone who watched porn on a regular basis an addict? That seems absurd. So am I an addict? Does it matter?

Ok, enough for my first post. Thanks again guys for this wonderful place! Every comment of every chaver will be a big help! May we all be zocha to a successful year in every aspect and grow in our relationship with Hashem, our wives, and kids!

Yitz

Hashem Help Me wrote on 28 Sep 2017 02:45:

HHM I like you bro

For someone that's admitted to being stuck in compulsive behavior at top of this page (since 2014 on gye?) I believe Chizuk like this isn't appropriate for him and can be detrimental for others

In general I keep away from giving Chizuk on the forum (although I have lots up my sleeve), for the simple reason that you are writing not only to the poster but for many including newcomers
If id see this when joining gye I'd think "Oh cool so gye has nothing new to offer. Oh well I'll keep masturbating and tikkun klalying and mikvaing..."

Chizuk is good and has its place - see the handbook, but most visitors to the forum in my experience have graduated chizuk. Many know more Chizuk than you, yet can't pass 1 day sober 

Why not share your recovery steps with this Shma brother, I believe that is what can get him the help he seeks, as you share often with others too ;-)

Love you bro 
Ⓜ️

In actuality you are very choshuv in shomayim. You have a terrible nisayon/addiction/disease and are clean for 8 days. Each one of those days is hours and hours of mesiras nefesh/surrendering. You are coming to Yom Kippur as a tzaddik. See Minchas Chinuch parshas Naso mitzvas vidui page tes zayin who insists that tzaddik and rasha have no connection with need for tshuva and kapara for past actions.

Unfortunately I'm back again after many (many) ups and downs. I presently clean for about two weeks, obviously this time of year helps..
I'm not sure if my underlying problem is that I'm just a regular selfish, full fledged addict or if it's lack of direction and fulfillment in life.
For a few months I was driven and focused on a certain project, and while I was certainly tempted here and there, by and large I just wasn't interested in porn and lustful pursuits- I was just too busy and felt like I was going somewhere in life.  But now I'm finished with that project and I'm back to my empty self. On a smaller scale as well whenever I'm accomplishing or engaged in something fulfilling I don't get schlepped in, but overall I'm in a situation where my life is empty and I don't feel like I'm being productive or utilizing my potential- and that's when all the trouble really starts.

So should I focus on recovery or is my main problem my life in itself?

Depressed, frustrated, empty and lost.

A Gut Yohr,


Boruch Hashem Yisborach I pulled through a tremendously hard time in which every minute seemed like an eternity. Of course it is no way near sobriety, but it could be called a start. The main thing for heavy addicts like me is to change the way I view this problem. Of course I hear you already screaming at me that this all doesn't work. But at least we would have to make a start in the attitute we exhibit to the problem which we indulge in.
If I am going to tell myself that basically everything i okay, when it is not I have an even bigger problem. I guess this twelve-step rait first class. But I guess evrybody with similar problems would have to accept the facts on the ground. (don't confuse me with the facts.)
I have a very serious problem which I would have to deal with. Especially so close to yom kippur I guess I would have to be misbonain in the fact that naase keheter doesn't make it mamish beheter. Well that is a change in attitude if we can live up to it. I start regarding it as a very serious aveira. Of course it shouldn't drive me into the ground and make me feel like a gornisht. That will be again counter-productive. Anything that is counter-productive is assur. Then certainly being moitze zera levatala r"l is going to be a big one. Because beraitn myself that even so close to Yom kippur I fall or fell though is going to make me only depressed. I believ self-improvement and certainly in this area will only be able to come with mouse stepts. One would have to open the hole like a needle, but the hole would have to be at least through and through. Please daven for me that the hole however small is at least going to be a hole which will remain that way.
A gmar c

The 12 steps does have a whole mental change too it but its more than that. The 12 steps are not based on thinking or knowing but on doing. Going to meetings, Doing inventories, doing amends. Its all about bringing the body even if i dont feel like. Action is the name of the game. Exercise is action but it wont "help me overcome this struggle" because i am powerless over lust but it will help me as its self care.

But that is my experience as an addict. Perhaps, yours is different. 

This site isn't for alcohol addicts

k

Brother - you may relate to some of my story

See guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/263954?limit=500

As  I mentioned in my Intro I am on the Autism spectrum.  So  I do lack the emotional maturity of those who are what is known as NT.  This does cause issues in the marriage.

 The marriage can be rocky.   We have had a rough time since almost the beginning and maybe even the beginning.  But  I am hoping that at least I will be able to control the porn fetish that I have and this group is helping alot with that. 
and we have been seeking help for many years, but were sort of at an impasse.  So all I can do is work on myself.

Trekmadone wrote on 25 Sep 2017 02:53:

welcome brother 
Sounds like your GPS is working good

KOT!!!

Hello holy brothers of the GYE community. Regardless of where you are holding with this addiction, I daven that you have a clean, strong year of progress. 


Has seen that daily exercise has directly and positively effected their mood and approach to this struggle? As I try a renewed effort, I keep wondering, maybe just a daily run will give me the mental health I need to overcome this struggle when I am being tested.   


The 12 steps, the strengthening are all mental. Recently I heard Tony Robbins give an incredible 2 hour talk (kind of a "best of") on suffering and he introduces several great concepts but one of them is that most of us are seekers, not livers (meaning we are always searching for new approaches but never make the effort to put them into practice {I'm completely guilty of this})

more importantly, he says, "energy is everything." And you won't end your sadness, struggles etc mentally, rather you need massive action. 

Thoughts?

A gut yur to all.

This is actually the the most refreshing and helpful program that I have come across so far.

I am a 39 year old married man ,trying to raise a frum family. I just recently came to my senses realizing that that my personal life was a disaster and I was killing myself inside.

The secret of molestation and not getting help for it has done so much damage to my life, work, family etc. And only when I came to terms with it and the addiction that I had , was I able to start trying to be honest with myswlf and try to pickup the broken prices of my life , emotionally, mentally and physically.

I jumped in head first, SAA programs, therapy etc. But for some reason, inasmuch as it helped to a certain extent, there was a disconnect being a frum not person. 

When I came across GYE, and realized how much they have to offer, the resources, professionals, knowledge etc, I knew that they are for real.

I am on my way to begin my 90 days for the 5 the time, but this time with the right hashkafa alongside me....