On another note, I am married for about two years. I don’t think I have an addiction but often probably like once a week I have an urge. I bh have a guess filter but I’ll find another way usually. Sometimes if it’s especially strong I may just go into the street hoping to meet up with someone although I almost never have courage for that. Looking to get out of it.

livingpalpitation wrote on 08 Sep 2024 16:49:

That is an interesting question, but here it will be a rabbit hole. The premise on GYE is that people want to stop and are seeking support in that venture. Some people may be unsure if they really want to stop and there is support here for that too. But something that questions the premise for the group will be pushed back on, whether based in halacha, science, mental health or other things... 
In addition, if I may be so bold, I too have questioned some halachic issues, and part of it (though perhaps not all) came from a deep sense of pain and fear and guilt that "if they are right, then I'm toast"... So feel free to pull back some of the coverings, and explore your own feelings about it.

I will review the rules but I don’t understand how people are comfortable discussing masturbation and addiction to pornography in public but will not discuss Halacha.

whywatch wrote on 08 Sep 2024 04:25:

Yes there’s phenomenal material available. Ebooks videos. Check them
out 

Hi. I grew up pretty close minded. I actually discovered masturbation without actually knowing what I was doing. I just knew it felt good, and kept doing it. I was 12 at the time. Only a year later did I finally comprehend what happens in the bedroom, and realized what I was doing was the male action. At that point I was addicted, and ashamed. I knew I needed to break the habit, but it was stronger than me. When I entered 9th grade, I made up in my mind I won't masturbate. That lasted pretty short. Going forward, there were many times, I told myself I must stop, but stop I couldn't. Masturbating actually led to breathing issues, but the addiction was too strong. In order to climax i needed to think pornagrahic thoughts which just filled my head with more garbage. I don't recall the first time I saw porn, but I do remember where and what. Those memories don't go away sadly. Thank goodness I didn't have much access or I probably would've been even a bigger mess. I remember when I went to learn in Eretz Yisroel, telling myself the journey of masturbating must end. I came summer zman and lasted until the Shabbos after Shavous. I still can recall the feeling of utter helplessness and worthlessness when i fell and masturbated. I felt so deflated. I continued to have up's and downs, but did not succeed in kicking the addiction. I came back from Eretz Yisroel and got engaged relatively quickly. Of course I told myself once I'm married this problem is gone. After all I'll have a wife. How naive and foolish I was. I don't recall the first time I masturbated after marriage, but it felt awful. I felt and continue to feel like I'm betraying my wife. I wish I could come clean with her, but she would never understand. Once I got more internet access porn became more added to the problem. No matter how many times i filtered my devices I always seem to find another way to watch. But BH I've been more controlling on porn than masturbation. I don't fall to often to porn. Because I've trained my mind to think pornagraphic thought to reach a climax though, my mind is full of them, and by habit reverts to those thoughts when bored, which makes me sick. I have a hard time looking at women, because my mind goes straight to thinking about their body. I wish to kill this devil for once and for all and live the right way, without this terrible addiction. I hope that this site will help me get there! Let's go, and let go!

thompson wrote on 06 Sep 2024 13:41:

Shimon Garfinkle?

Some good points here, not just for porn addicts but for anyone wanting to live a better life.

I do have one bone to pick though.


Find me Jewish music that inspires me as much as Mozart, Beethoven, and (dare I say), Wagner, and we've got a deal.

Oh wait. 
Aaron Copland, George Gershwin, Leonard Bernstein. Yup. We got em.

I have prioritized not using tech when I am with my family. They are all on their phones, but I am not on mine. I am trying to lead by example.
I need help when I am alone and supposed to be working. I am drawn away from my task at hand so quickly. It is not always porn that is the problem (It often is). It can be a YouTube video about fixing the broken sink in my house or a Google search to find directions to a restaurant we are going to that night. These are very mundane things, but they lead to a plethora of evil and time-sucking things.

Also, even when I am listening to a Shiur on Torah Anytime or some other Kosher App, something will grab my attention, and I go onto something stupid. The only way to genuinely stay focused is to eliminate as much tech as possible. It is just that simple for me. I need a Kosher flip phone, a well-filtered computer for work, and that is it. 

chosemyshem wrote on 05 Sep 2024 21:19:

You are right Shem.

Sorry for writing it in a confusing way. Of course we can choose things that are not correct. What I meant to refer to was that his life is not henceforth screwed up (my spoiler responding to SSSL's spoiler). 

Thank you for clarifying!

BenHashemBH wrote on 05 Sep 2024 21:08:

I feel like I hashkafically disagree with this. Of course, everything Hashem does is for the ultimate good. And it's also correct for the short term, whether we see it or not. But, like, there are things that are "abnormal" and "screwed up". Certainly the things we do can "screw up" ourselves. That's the meaning of bechirah, like it or not.

Getting cancer is pretty screwed up. Someone strung out on heroin has screwed themselves up pretty badly. 

All that being said, someone masturbating themselves occasionally is probably not screwed up. They're probably just a normal dude. 

(Always worth a call to Dov to talk over if they are sick with lust addiction though.)

adam2014 wrote on 03 Sep 2024 10:13:

Very well said, our devices our literally robbing us of our time which is our life. I probably could've learnt Shas 10 times in the time I've wasted on absolute garbage, all in the name of taking it easy, relaxing etc etc.

This Project looks like it's addressing the strain technology causes on family relationships. For myself that's not a real issue for me, I'm not busy on my phone when I'm with my kids or wife. The issue is using technology as an unhealthy outlet during my own personal time.

I don't have an answer for you, but I can relate to the problem. For me, technology is almost poison for me. I think back to the days before smartphones and computers and how much better a person I was. The internet has ruined so many lives, and there is almost no way to escape it. As you said in your post, there are a million legitimate reasons for being online, but all of those reasons lead to something inappropriate or an endless loss of precious time. Time is the greatest commodity that we have. It is extremely limited; you can't buy more of it, and once it is gone, it is gone forever.

Having Kosher tech definitely helps; eliminating unnecessary tech is also good. I have not found a way to escape the grip of the internet, from banking to shopping to davening. I am on the internet all day. I am writing this right now on the internet!!!

Does having good, clean Kosher apps justify having a smartphone? Does the convenience of doing your banking online make having a computer okay? Does listening to Torah Anytime make going on a walk better, or would we be better just by walking and being alone with our thoughts? 

I don't know these answers and am searching for them myself. I look forward to hearing about your journey 

Mr94 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 03:03:

I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for or not, but check out Project Focus.

Wow loving this thread. So many on point posts