Also I am very self conscious and posting this here even anonymously is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have never told anyone about my addiction

youcan wrote on 24 Nov 2017 15:56:

Not sure about you, but I don't dream about cows.

youcan wrote on 24 Nov 2017 15:36:

Didn't know it was story time.
Feel? I want her skinny.
Love her? Don't know. Probably not.
Shalom bayis? Pretty good.

An addiction so sweet so strong
An addiction so "right" so "wrong"

"NO I dont like it I tell you I don't!
"But an addiction. I won't leave it.. I won't"

You guess its called wiring why i remain
You are puzzled why someone would like all of this pain

Well you see its all about self-denegration
Self hate, sabatoge and flagelation

Why do i so want to lose?
Why is  it this  the life i choose???

Women are superior -WINNERS! -I am their cute failure to take care of
A fantasy yes to beware of

Some day I will get out...Or perhaps I won't I fear
Some days just to disappear

G-d throw me a life net of this I demand
To your unloyal servant with fractured hands 
To your unloyal servant with fractured hands

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 24 Nov 2017 15:39:

First of all, Pharaoh didn't have the cow, it was just in his dreams... We are all dreaming about cows, has nothing to do with reality.

Mr. Gevura, Pharaoh had 2 types of cows & yes it's always good to look on the good side
BTW, the sc good side wasn't good at all, it represented the years of hunger. Not everything that looks good is really good...
(never mind, I'm talking to my self )

BTW, I would love to share with you that the past night was the first one that I remember sleeping through with a unblocked smartphone at home without even thinking of it! Thanks GYE!
In the past such a night went like this: I came home with a smile, we talked for a few minutes, than I started to pressure that we have to go sleep early.. When we arrived in bed I waited for her to fall asleep. Then my night started ;'(... It usually took about 3 hours! If she woke up (to the baby etc.) I told her that my stomach hurts or that I can't sleep....

BTW, regarding the smartphone; I didn't make my decision yet & I apologize to all for the machloka that I started

Pharaoh's cow ate and ate and ate, and stayed skinny. Don't we wish...

Cordnoy, as usual your comments are wise and appreciated. I was careful in my post to write the words in parentheses "at least for most people". You and others have made me aware that there are specific people who do better without the filters. However as you have expressed in the past, most people are not addicts but rather have yetzer hora issues at various levels. I am sorry if i was not clear enough with that parentheses quote that addicts should follow the guidance they have been given. My point was that most people are much better off with as much protection as possible.

It would definitely be nice if at the convention the entire subject of GYE would be brought up. Many people are suffering and BH now, many people are being helped. Although it is a sensitive issue to be spoken about publicly, it appears maybe its time has come. And yes, the plight of the addict should be openly discussed and it should be clearly and unequivocally stated that there is no "one size fits all" mehalech. Of course that would need to be done with wisdom, for once exceptions are made, people tend to be morah heter that much easier.

Everyone, with whatever strategies they are using should be blessed by Hashem with a good Shabbos and tremendous success in extricating themselves from this formidable challenge.

Trouble wrote on 24 Nov 2017 03:20:

Ha! But you didn't share the whole story, how do you feel about it? Do you love her? In other words, how's shalom bayis?...

Hashem Help Me wrote on 24 Nov 2017 12:20:

HHM,

Your positivity is contagious, I hope, B"H. Keep it up.

Regardin' filters: I've said this before, but I'll say it again, perhaps slightly different than in the past. Good filters prevent accidental typin' and make it more difficult for a person with a healthy or perhaps even slightly elevated desire from accessin' inappropriate stuff. However, as we see on gye over and over again, those of us who are addicted, and even those of us who have strong desires for porn, not only find ways to bypass those filters, but the filters in place make the desire even stronger.

Now, the counter argument is that אף על פי כן. We must make it tough and break, kill, destroy, annihilate that yetzer. Perhaps. And the argument is also that if that's what our gedolim say, then there must be a special סייעתא דשמיא for those individuals. Also perhaps.

And because of those arguments, I generally shut up. (And I will not speak about myself that I don't have a filter and after tryin' and tryin' and tryin', it is quite possible that I cannot even have a filter for my sobriety/recovery, but in no way do I advocate that for others.) But, I noticed that there is a Sunday session at the holiest of holies Agudath Israel convention this weekend. For me (who admittedly is not as big of a מאמין as you and others are), I need to hear these גדולים at least mention that there is such a  counter thought, or  advocate that they (people like me) should seek individual professional or rabbinical help to determine their מהלך. To lump everyone in the same boat (sailin') and scream "filters" from the podium does not do justice for the predicament that some of us find ourselves in. 

I will be listenin' closely. Probably, they will end up talkin' about drugs or somethin'. 

B'hatzlachah to all

I learned a lot from a woman with long term sobriety in OA about how to appreciate my wife. I have to love my wife and find her to be beautiful exactly the way she is.  She is who God intended for me, she is the mother of my children, she always has my back when the going gets tough, she has put up with all my faults and loves and accepts me with them. It's a no brainer. Sheker hachain vihevel hayofi ...

cordnoy wrote on 24 Nov 2017 03:08:

My wife is similar to the cow in Pharaoh's dream: she is fat now, and it is not remembered if she was skinny before.

I got the sense this thread was asking for trouble.
Oh no, trouble arrived...

Rebbitzen Yemimah Mizrachi said from the Maharal (with a possible speaker's license) regarding women, "Better to be fat and happy than skinny and horrible."

And by the way, I married a skinny wife and now she's fat.