Hi all i have been struggling for a while with depression anxiety and lust addiction i'm looking for a good therapist in Lakewood who will take insurance (as i can't afford to pay out of pocket) does anybody have experience with someone? Could recommend someone? Thanks for your help. I am hoping to heal!

no my wife is relieved she aint the only one with problems 
and i told her openly i realize how i made her feel like that for the past two years 
she told me that she knows me and she knows i would do something about this in other words she trusts me 
should she i hope so 
i don't think i am an addict she knows and i know when this became a real problem 
the 1st 5 years of marriage i didn't masturbate or watch porn we are married 7 years
i also told her what i have been doing for the past year in other words i spoke to people on the phone i email people every day 
and instead of watching porn daily i fell 3 times in the past 3 months and it wasn't after many hours 
this past week was the cleanest week i had in the past 2 years 
so i'd assume something is working i don't i need to analyze what that is

i don't consider myself an addict either 
doesn't mean there aint no shame 
i also don't feel the shame when i get upset at the world cuz i am shaming them instead

Welcometo GYE and the forum. Thank you for sharing. You write that you are addicted to porn and that it has completely taken over your life. You mention that you grew up in a system that taught it was healthy. To compare to alcohol, there is medical evidence that alcohol is healthy. Some chassidus has alcohol as a basic and even essential part of their practices. Torah encourages alcohol at times such as kiddush, Pesach and Purim for example. I came to learn that for me any amount of alcohol is unhealthy and in fact dangerous. It is assur for me to drink alcohol for the 4 cups. The way I was using alcohol was not healthy or the way in which Torah intended it. Therefore I don't drink alcohol any more, even when Torah would say it's a mitsvah  for a healthy person. The way you are describing your porn use sounds like it would be considered unhealthy by any standards. Whether it is evil or not is perhaps of no consequence for you. For me even if porn was considered kosher and even a mitzvah I would not be able to watch it. Therefore I don't watch porn and haven't watched porn in over three years. There is no benefit in it for me and it is unhealthy for me. There is no requirement for me or any of us to watch porn. The fact for many of us is that we still retain a the thought that it's okay for me to watch porn. Other people do it with impunity and they even say it's healthy, so why can't I.  We still reserve that thought that we are like them, it's just that we found religion and have to stop for that reason. "The delusion that we are like
other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed." AA Big Book. That is the first step for an addict in recovery.

According to Harvey of SA, this is one of the main reasons many frum addicts have such a hard time in recovery. We look at porn and masturbation as a sin for us and not as illness. Once again we are talking about addicts here.  We aren't using addiction as an excuse, but just the opposite. Addiction is an illness and unless we are insane we aren't going to keep making ourselves sicker. 

The next problem for me and others like me is that when you take away the alcohol and porn things don't get better they get worse. I was using alcohol and porn to self medicate and escape from depression, irritability, restlessness, hopelessness, anxiety and discontent. I had to develop a new way of living and thinking and had to find a program of recovery and a new way of living.

I am a porn addict.
I have been addicted over 10 years. I started when I was very young, and barely remember the first few times I looked at it. I have looked at all kinds of porn, and grew up in a system that taught us that it was healthy, and OK to look. I have recently given my life to G-d and now I am trying to break this one thing that has completely taken control of my life. Quitting has been hard so far, I have not been committed to it up to this point, but now I am giving my life to G-d and with G-d's help, the adversary will not stop me! I will be free from this evil, and I will never be bound by it again.

Hi A.T.C.
​i'm already married and it didn't fix any of my problems
in fact everytime i'm trying to increase sex, or my pleasure in sex, it's only getting worse.
i also tried to speak to a rabbi, and he didn't understand me. 
he asked me, why couldn't you just stop?
​so i told him i am the best stopper, i stopped already 200 times.
so he asked me, why couldn't you just stop once forever?  
so it depends which rabbi you are going
​i personally think that you need the 12 step program, Live SA,
​the 12 step program is so useful and a good life changer for everybody
but for us addicts, hashem created our first step, so we don't have any other choice.
it's a gift special for the gye chabura  
Hatzlacha
  

For an addict the worst thing about acting out is the following week.

I can't afford a binge, especially not now my shvigger (add adjective please) is in town also I wanna live a little bit. However when the craving comes back it is so so so intense. not acting out is like trying not to blink my body instinct is to act out. What saves me in these situations is:
1. I know deep down it is not worthwhile to act out
2. I know I can't not act out myself
3. I know Hashem will take care of me
4. I know the pain is just a process i have to get through so im loi achshov aimosai
So I start off just by asking Hashem "please help me I can't" like 100 times or so each time can be the same wording or different. Eventually I get "the courage to do the things I can" and take some action. "...and the craving passes" 

Hatzlacha

That was along time since i was last on the forum. B.H. i am doing good, the lusting and fantasies are under control - for most of the time. It helped me to realize that i have to want myself, if i do it for someone else because i am scared the outcome from it, it just does not work, the pressure, if coming from outside, is too big to be able to manage. So once i decided i am doing it for me and not get affected what other people think of me i am doing much better. I consider feelings of other people and i also try to understand them but i do not let them affect my mood and i for sure to not act out on them. 
My therapist also helped me alot to understand how feeling and actions are connected, no difference if these feelings are known or unknown, the whole system from bottom to top is connected and every reaction from any situation comes from the childhood imprints.
Fortunately my addiction is not based on an official trauma, i B.H. had a good childhood, was not abused, my parents are still married - many more years i.y.h., and i feel very lucky. My only possibility of getting close to a trauma that i possibly did not get enough attention/love from my parents, and when that was missing i just went to my room all by myself - and if there is no one else to give me love - i just have to give it to myself - that is how my addiction developed into fully fledged monster which it was until about two years ago. Since then i had my ups and downs but at least  i learned through this forum and with my therapist, how to handle situation were i feel like acting out.
I will iyh continue my story a different time.

I need to think if I have this shame or not but I tend to think that I do not have it I do not consider myself an addict just a good person with some bad tendencies (others call it a yetzer hara) is there really shame in being human and having a need to work on oneself? I think not.
Thanks for the responses 

ieeyc wrote on 28 Dec 2017 01:37:

I believe that avatar is asking for trouble... If that's your approach to life, it's quite sad

I don't do Taphsic because it's designed for times of duress and in those situations I wouldn't likely remember the importance of the Taphsic gimmick either. If you are ok with gimmicks, why not try it out...

Markz wrote on 29 Sep 2017 02:01:

welcome luv u Hashem , i hope your getting better from day to day  since you joined gye, im sure you are, i just hope YOU  feel you are,i enjoy youre posts ,keep them coming,i just want to remind you of your avatar ,it gives me chizuk.
or fall fall fall ,succeed ,repeat!
markz did you ever try taphsic, what went wrong,im really trying to get the guts up to do a taphsic,i think the reason i dont is because i know how well  itll work  that i know ill have to give up my  medication, but ill get there , after i break my bones from a couple of more falls(i hope ill do it beforei reach that point)

Aaronhopeful@gye.cobuym wrote on 28 Dec 2017 00:33:

Welcome back.
Sorry to hear about your stuff.
You said you tried everythin'. Care to elaborate please?

I’ve never made it to 90 days. I started a year and a half ago. The first year I would say clean the most was 60 days. But i was strong. My weakest time in that time was 30 days. Now I almost fall every day. My strongest time now is about a week. And I feel like I would never get out of this addiction. I want to recover from this addiction. And be a true tzadik. I want to be Hashem’s slave. I want to be a good soul in Hashem’s eyes. I want to recover from my addiction and not do anything I really don’t want to do. ( My real self, I don’t want to view p*** and m*********, I want to be a g-d fearing person, a yid). What should I do? I tried everything. I can’t now make it to 2 weeks. I was stronger back then when I first started, I would make it to 60 days. I’m going worse. I need your tefilos. I really want to recover from my addiction. May Hashem bless you all.

I see. Dov’s posts are fascinating and helpful. I am not addicted to that level (pushing boundaries and putting my life in danger or at risk of ruin). I am considered an addict according to this screening:
https://www.recoveryzone.com/tests/sex-addiction/SAST/index.php

Markz wrote on 27 Dec 2017 01:08:

The strongest admin is my wife. Woks great.

She is also my Web Chaver accountability partner. Not sure that is the greatest idea though...