Ya my wife is my chaver too.....

serenity wrote on 31 Dec 2017 17:09:

I disagree with this part. I don't and didn't go to meetings just for the newcomer. I've heard people justify not sharing struggles at meetings because of the quote you just mentioned. Maybe you weren't saying that, Serenity. But I've definitely heard other members express that. For me, it's far more powerful to hear about someone who's sober and struggling and being brutally honest than it is to hear someone speak of a utopian lifestyle that I can't connect to. Obviously, it's also uplifting and hopeful to hear about the gifts of the program. However, reflecting back to my experience as a newcomer, I remember connecting to the addiction a lot more than to the recovery. As I got healthier, my outlook changed.

youcan wrote on 03 Jan 2018 15:56:

I am not discussin' rav nachman's agenda; I know nothin' about it and it doesn't interest me in the slightest. 

I am discussin' my recovery. I gave up....many times. I had no hope. I was at the point that I had no way out and when I was told by others that the steps lead to recovery, I took it - not out of hope, but rather because I had nothin' else to do.

I think you are referring to 2 different types of yiush:
You have to give up from thinking that you alone can handle this, you have to realize that the addiction is stronger than you & you can do nothing about it. But from the other side you can have hope that other things methods etc. cam still help you. (If you give up & think that nothing will work for you why should you even try?)
I think this will fit in very well in r nachman's agenda... From one side you should believe that you have a way out, but on the other hand he's talking a lot from bitul hayesh - believing that you're nothing & all you have is from hashem...

ayidingalus wrote on 03 Jan 2018 14:51:

I know 2 reasons why this is the case with me:
1) When I have (read: take) my space in the morning I am in a much more relaxing mode afterwards, so I won't fall so fast (the reason I can't collect myself to start my day is because I'm not relaxed, so if I allow my self to relax I feel much better)
2) simply because when you start your day late you're more busy, don't have much time to think about other things you gotta catch up for the 3 hours you weren't there (when you get to the office at 9, you make a coffee listen to the news etc), [this may also make you more satisfied feeling that you get much more done with your time]

Thanks to all! for keeping my forum alive. as I wrote I feel posting helps me awake in my struggle. YOU GUYS FORCE ME TO WRITE because after all, it's my topic,

Ok, today I woke up early daven'd with Netz learned before and after davening, in office at 9, Sounds like did everything for a successful day. yes, it is but let me share one historical fact.
A YID if he is the office at 9, I would have fallen 9 out of 10, for some reason if everything is in control life is running smoothly started the day successfully at some point I will need the thrilling feeling and I will be filling my lust addiction, feeling like a piece of ..     but if I got to the office at 1 davened late, did things before and after Shachris, Chances I would go lust hunting are much smaller, [if something like this is discussed I would be happy to be linked there] 
After GYE I have greatly improved it that matter, Being more honest with myself.
Going to have a clean day OHAAT
today I will be busy on Linkedin [see my pre. post]
will keep you guys posted hopefully by the end of the day or Tom Morning

Hi everyone my story is long and complex, and i'm kinda not in the mood to write it down yet but i probably will at a later time. anyways i just wanted to post i'm 9 days clean so far......by admitting once and for all i'm an addict, installing a filter on my work computer where most of my falls happened, and most importantly concentrating on today and only today! 

that would probably be based on the ishbitza's understanding of yiras shomayim 
that doesn't simply mean fear of heaven rather not being mispashet into oh"z
as a person will lose his identity (sounds like an addict) 
there fore there can be calm and serenity because yiras shomayim means a feeling of yesh li kol and not needing hispashtus

Hi Growstrong

I appreciate your references of the 12&12 that stress the importance of admitting powerlessness with this addiction, and i believe that this the essence of step 1. powerlessness ,means for me, that i cannot manipulate any sobriety, I cannot avoid it on my own, i need Hashem to guide me through this journey. What i meant with the term "Fight it", was that no mater what, i will not a/o. When i feel triggered i will not act upon this feeling, i would call up a friend or someone, i will surrender it, i will pray, i will check in myself and make amends. This is what i meant when i said i will fight it. And this is in congruent with the 12 steps. I hope i clarified myself. 

mikestruggling wrote on 02 Jan 2018 12:59:

Super post. Honest and human/vulnerable. We all should learn from Mike to recognize our weak points honestly and plan accordingly. Avoidance, surrender, fight - whatever mehalech works for each of us

Yesterday I made a mistake. It was decided that I can't walk a certain way at a certain time to Yeshiva due to a women who triggers me who stands there every day. Yesterday it was raining so my addict mind said I need to get the bus so I have to go that way. (Even though someone offered me a free taxi I would just have to wait for him two minutes, I am absolutely insane). Obviously, I looked for her saw her and had a horrible 24 hours lust-wise. 
Hashem help me surrender my will to walk that way.
Thanks for letting me share.
Keep On Trucking (but if it's better to walk then walk of course)
Have a great day!! 

I'm not addicted to lust (according to my therapist) but I'm lusting & I wanna stop (get under control). I tried numerous times to do it alone & I failed, I came here & saw a lot of people that tried other methods & succeeded. So I figured they must have the right approach.
Me in your shoes would find a way out of all the issurim you mentioned, (easier than masturbation - z"l) but I'm not letting the YH in, when I fall it's cuz I fell not because I decided to do it.
Get stronger, stop fooling yourself around.
It's not enough to feel bad for what we're doing, we gotta try to stop doing it.
Hatzlacha rabba!
I'm waiting for the positive news to come in.

GoyKadosh wrote on 19 Dec 2017 06:06:

hello , i also have issues  with being together with my wife , its a difficult nisayon ,  been together once or twice in 3 months, chazak! keep on davening !

Old Timer wrote on 31 Dec 2017 08:06:

No one laughing at you

You sound sick - very

When someone is unwell they need stamina to go to the right Dr.
Many of us do not gain with the forum, it's like going to a lightweight ENT for a serious Heart condition

May you see the light and have the strength to move towards it

...Walking into the room with my head held low, feeling like and a jerk.

         ...Everyone around me is jeering and laughing at the ideal i believe in, perceiving me as a 'newbie' who lacks step one.

                        ...I am back, not because of a \n Addiction. Psychologists have evaluated my scenario, and i am NOT ADDICTED TO LUST. I do however "struggle" to keep my lust in check, and this great website and program of recovery worked for me in the past.

To be honest, totally honest. My filter settings is currently Rimon at its weakest, i have a twitter account just for shmutz, a tumblr acount just as a loophole for PORN, i have waste most of my day on youtube just trying to stay distracted, and i am masturbating to porn once every day or two.          That's the truth.

To be honest, i am not willing to start any relationship with a woman, because of the HUGE issurim involved in everything from mesaper ima machoreiu hageder, to actual physical contact, to outright sex with a nidah heshem yiracheim!!          0n the other hand, i have done so much masturbation and porn, that it has long ago been NAASEH KHETER, despote LONG periods of sobriety, it is just probably a lifelong NAASEH KEHETER.        damn!!!!

please respond freely, and let me get in touch with reality!!        My acquired defence mechanism of running away from  reality to an imaginary world IS WASTING MY LIFE AWAY!!