Oh boy do I have an addiction.

hi everyone.

tzomah wrote on 11 Feb 2018 22:05:

im sorry if my words implied that ,i did not mean that, and what you wrote about what i wrote about siyata dishmaya  , that it could dishearten someone, you might be right and i apologize.

im gonna do some guessing again. i have the feeling that you have an extreme yetzer horah to lust and fantasize. i dont think you suffer from addiction, as you yourself questioned. the root of "i want nothing but You" is used for one of 2 things. either its an extremely high madreiga in dveikus (i think the baal hatanya said it on yom kippur), which im assuming we are not holding by, or its a method used by addicts who are desperate and realize that they are out of control, so their only root to stay sane and not fall is to surrender to Hashem.
i know i may get killed for this, but i think this mehalech is dangerous for a non addict. its the road from desperation to giving up. this leads to justification... ill stop here. again, i might have not understood what you were saying but this is my assumption.
i think that you should stay away from that root, and realize that you have the ability to pull yourself out of your matzav and live a normal life. i dont know you enough to give ideas, but maybe you should find something in yourself that gives you sipuk and satisfaction, and make it part of your life. for example, if you enjoy music and think you can compose, learn how to do it and let your mind occupy itself with that. whatever, im rambling but you get the idea.
again i might get killed for this, but marriage may be a big help for you if it helps you settle down and focus on real life. Hatzlacha!! 

if you believe you believe it i aint gonna convince you out of it if it helps your recovery great thats the point
i personally have a hard time buying it  maybe there are people so far in their addiction that in this lifetime they wont get out who knows but a rule of once an addict always an addict doesn't seem to have any basis a person can change in fascinating ways
as for the crush that is just a memory playing tricks on you from my experience go back in 10 years you may not remember what you were so crazy over

tzomah wrote on 11 Feb 2018 22:08:

That could be true that they are different, but i think it will be a long long time of being clean and only if I actually stay clean that an unfiltered device might become desexualized.

I don’t know anything as fact, but I have researched addiction, and have read a few good books. It interests me, and it helps because I’m im not oblivious to what I’m dealing with.

I have a very similar thing when it comes to this crush I had on a girl. A few years removed from this but I texted/hung out with girls, and there was one girl that I convinced myself I was gonna marry and we spoke a lot. To this day, I’m not fully over her even though it’s completely ridiculous.

Theres certain things that get changed that I think change for good and become somewhat part of your nature unless you do serious therapy and work to remove them and even then don’t know if it’s possible.

like they say, once a crush always a crush. Once an addict, always an addict.
unfortunate, but probably true.

Whadya think

HakolMilimala wrote on 11 Feb 2018 12:40:

a recovering addict is not the same as an addicted addict

anyway how do you know that?

i was not referring to what gedolim said 
rather what it seems like you are taking out of it that someone who is struggling (not only with the computer rather an addiction or desire for lust in general) is flaunting the gedolim i don't think that is true
my other point was that someone struggling with this type of nisayon doesn't usually do well to think if he will or will not get siyata dishmaya
i was not talking about not getting filters just the attitude 

tzomah wrote on 11 Feb 2018 11:52:

Why, what’s gonna change?
Once an addict always an addict, no?

Baruch HaShem. I’ve been clean for a week. This method is good for me because it makes it is made close to the fall so I remember it nd have that inspiration not to fall. The only con is that I can just not make it. Honestly I hate porn. When I don’t act out I feel free, I don’t have to hide anything and I feel in control. Is that against the 12 steps. I am not so into that method. I ask for help from Hashem but if I don’t try I don’t think he will help me. Anyways I was told by my sponsor that I’m not considered an addict because I can think bout other things. Tomorrow be”h I will work with my therapist and do my homework my sponsor gave me

ayidel wrote on 09 Feb 2018 09:05:

 i tink dats called denial, not to be confused with the place where they trew de babies in, dats called denile.

bb0212 wrote on 07 Feb 2018 18:50:

can it be we are addicted to saying we are not addicted

Ok great, now I looked at all the spoilers. But I wanted to. I can stop whenever I want, as a matter of fact,

bb0212 wrote on 08 Feb 2018 07:10:

if you will try it enough you will be

WOW THIS THREAD SOUNDS LIKE FUN IS COULD I JOIN????

welcome bb0212 many of us realized we weren't addicted to gye although we had very strong urges but odaat we did all kinds of things like watching porn and other things to distract us from guarding your eyes 
but many of us got addicted to gye odaat and really started recovery 
look around get to know the chevrah discovery should be with hatzlocho