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10 Jun 2018 02:20
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Markz
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Welcome to the forum. Stick around it's lots of fun!
Sorry to hear you're feeling down
What program do you mean?
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10 Jun 2018 01:21
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הרוצה לטהר
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Hi guys.
I'm new here.
Dunno what to expect...
I've been having problems with shichvas zera since I was 12 yrs old, before I even knew what I was doing.
I have since tried numerous times to stop but never managed for more than a couple of weeks.
I'm now 8 years after I started, i have seen large amount of pornography, including some SSA material, and I don't know what to do with myself.
I constantly feel rotten, and I don't have a personal connection with my yiddishkeit.
I'm holding at the last straw.
i hope this program will be able to help me, and I hope that I'll be able to stick it out...
all chizuk appreciated...
Thanks
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07 Jun 2018 04:00
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Dov
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cordnoy wrote on 07 Jun 2018 03:21:
Blind Beggar wrote on 06 Feb 2018 12:31:
Back on the Wall for the umpteenth time with 106 GYE clean days.
As for SA, today is 2,510 days which are 358 weeks and 4 days of being sober. I am not a sexaholic but I could not have done that without going to meetings for a few months in 2011 to share and meet other people.
HHmmm.... Interestin'.
I don't think it's that interesting. Our SA Definition is that we admit anyone who admits they themselves have lust problems and say they want to be free of them. As far as I know, the official SA Definition that we read at the beginning of each meeting says nothing about each person needing to admit that they're addicts.
Besides, I've met in person with this man who who calls himself 'Blind Beggar' here. And he's a sincere, geshmake guy who has obviously come a long way since he stumbled onto GYE. I'm happy that he made use of SA!
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07 Jun 2018 03:42
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cordnoy
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lifebound wrote on 04 Feb 2018 17:57:
yiraishamaim wrote on 04 Feb 2018 11:41:
For a long time now, the secular society views the expression of one's desires as simply healthy. If your angry go somewhere and break some dishes if you want to. If your overcome with lust go and satisfy that, with any willing partner or with yourself. By secular standards it is only a problem if: it hurts another person, becomes an addiction, or has obvious negative physical results(like gain a lot of weight due to overeating)
This should not surprise you as secularists do not accept the lofty level of a human being due to a G-dly soul. Mankind is an animal who by mere coincidence developed from simple cells to an ape eventually a person.
Oh for sure, I didn't mean that I was surprised. There's no question society is in a downward spiral, just compare a TV show from a few decades back to a modern show (or rather, don't!). I was just observing like serenity and HakolMilimala wrote above, how clear it is that this struggle is not a logical one but an animalistic one. If it was logical none of us would be here. Not a chiddush, I know. 
Lots of layers prevent us from seein' the obvious.
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06 Jun 2018 03:30
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Markz
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I got a personal request from the great cord for step 4. It looks great - but not for me - id have to do any of this with my therapist. I'm happy he is clearly in touch with his feelin's.
A different thing he's mentioned is to write out my acting out story.
I don't see myself as an addict, but have started to write a draft, and it's not pretty, at all... :-(
I noted the acting out and my approx age next to each line. It's amazing how much we try forget and stuff away...
Even what happened last week...
Thanks for letting me share :-(
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05 Jun 2018 17:10
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byebye
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thank you for your post i have something to give serious thought about,
1.my posts may have annoyed you, i apologize, but i have recieved thanks for them from a nice amount of people who wouldnt do so publicly for personal reasons,my email is on my profile,
2.with all due respect ,and i mean it, there are things that are posted by respectable people here who also annoy people,although it is deffinitly not their intention,how about all the people that find me annoying , take my permission not to read them, i purposely skip over posts that in the past annoyed me,whats the problem do they have some kind of curiosity addiction or something?
3.the posts that i try to write on Torah are pretty much self evident to be true, but are just not reviewed too much and therefore forgotten and do give a boost in battleing this yetzer hara, i dont think one has to be a 90 day clean person in order to say an encouraging vort,do you read the public chats or only the things on the forums?if someone is annoyed by someone saying a dvar torah ,who might be a sinner,but trying to get better , instead of saying an idea from sa, may be suffering from what chazal have foretold that before Moshiach comes yirei Hashem yimasu ,not that im saying that i am a yorei shamayim, but i am saying things from the mouths of yorei shamayim and people are disgusted with it, if i said a joke with a little leaning of dirt in it id be very not annoying and popular to some people, wont mention names but they post on gye and their cronies chuckle at it and its more than one, i wouldnt say there are many BH,but there are, and by the way ,sorry for a sinner like me to say this but i get annoyed by them.would anyone dare tell them to shutup?! only on words of yiras shamayim will you hear it. an off color joke from a luster whos trying to get clean , a chuckle, a true vort from a luster whos trying to get clean ,at best cold silence,sorry for the strong words.
4.id like to know, if i get banned if i post my posts , is it against gye rules to reregister under a different username?i havent seen that rule ,i might need it.not that im planning on posting anything that deserves banning but seeing the reaction im getting from some posts ,and seeing what happened to other posters ,i want to prepare,if you dont respond to this question ill assume that its permissible.
5.does the gye tech team have the capability to know my identity,and do they use it, i need to know before i consider posting my private issues.
thank you.
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04 Jun 2018 02:48
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iampowerless
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I had a great conversation with another GYE member who has been clean for over a year. And he explained to me that i didn't fall on day 104. My real fall was when instead of writing a few posts a week i started writing only once a week and eventually i only wrote a post per month he explained once i stopped putting recovery and my program front and center once i told myself " I did it"i don't have to be busy with recovery any more. That was the beggining of my downfall. As they say " once a pickle always a pickle"he told me even after so many days clean it's still important to put recovery and your program as priority.
I constantly see many people on GYE who hit 90 days clean but soon there after they fall. And i think the reason is because they forget that they are still addicts and even after reaching 90 days the program always has to be the priority.
So as i embark on once freeing myself from this terrible addiction i hope to this time around concentrate on not loosing sight of whats at stake and keep to my program of recovery. And hopefully writing more posts and sharing more of my feelings as writing my feelings is one of the tools that really helps me!
So if I'm missing for too long on the forum please wake me up b4 it's too late!
 Love Yankel (a boy who must free himself from this gehenom!)
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03 Jun 2018 08:07
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WannabeFree
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The more I see how lust has control over me, the more I realize how much it has numbed and messed up my entire life. Going back and looking over my life from when I was a child, there are so many unexplained incidents where I misbehaved without understanding why I was acting that way, I now see that many of them were probably lust-controlled. This runs through to my married life as well, obviously. If I was addicted to lust, then getting married was just an ends to a mean and must have consequences. I have no other explanation and this one checks most of the boxes. I'm starting to accept that I must not objectify women, which is very difficult (even if I always knew it logically) as I have been "trained" to treat women that way since an early age. Whether through the centerfold page in the magazines in the barber's waiting area (way before the internet) or movies and adverts and later on porn.
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03 Jun 2018 07:29
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lifebound
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cordnoy wrote on 03 Jun 2018 07:21:
lifebound wrote on 03 Jun 2018 07:07:
cordnoy wrote on 03 Jun 2018 06:51:
kosher wrote on 18 Aug 2011 15:12:
I was actually working on a kuntres on this subject. I was going to post it in "my" thread and hopefully build up my post count, but you were zocheh to get it first.
I see GYE (and to an even greater extent the whole 12 step business) as the equivalent of methadone to a heroin addict. It is not nearly as bad as the other option and it opens up a space of sanity and functioning to allow an addict to really break free. On the other hand it is itself addictive and to some extent even reinforces the addiction. To the extent that you need it, it is an excellent thing and is certainly better than the alternative, on the other hand, people should be cautious not to jump into more than they need and perhaps even reduce the amount of it (if they can) over time.
In other words, talking about lust issues (especially as explicit as SA) does not reduce a person's lust, it just channels it in an appropriate manner. [Perhaps I shouldn't use the word "just" - this is an incredible accomplishment.] This leaves the person as addicted to lust as ever, and while as long as he sticks to the program he is fine, the path down to failure is a very short one. It is a much harder task for a person to actually reduce his lust, but if one does so he is better protected over the long run.
it seems possible to use the 12 steps (and GYE) to break out of the worst problems and then use the sanity and sobriety acheived to totally break free from the lust addiction.
(So it seems to me, but I have not perfected this process, so I shouldn't talk what I can't demonstrate.)
I believe a program can reduce the amount of lust a person possesses, and it certainly can teach him how to react when triggered, or preventin' it in the first place.
Hmm, I'd love to see what else is in that recycle bin section...
I think I see why this one was trashed tho
Please remind me.
I take it back.
I don't think it's correct. But I also don't think that's a reason for it to be trashed. (for all I know it was trashed for an entirely different reason)
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03 Jun 2018 07:21
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cordnoy
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lifebound wrote on 03 Jun 2018 07:07:
cordnoy wrote on 03 Jun 2018 06:51:
kosher wrote on 18 Aug 2011 15:12:
I was actually working on a kuntres on this subject. I was going to post it in "my" thread and hopefully build up my post count, but you were zocheh to get it first.
I see GYE (and to an even greater extent the whole 12 step business) as the equivalent of methadone to a heroin addict. It is not nearly as bad as the other option and it opens up a space of sanity and functioning to allow an addict to really break free. On the other hand it is itself addictive and to some extent even reinforces the addiction. To the extent that you need it, it is an excellent thing and is certainly better than the alternative, on the other hand, people should be cautious not to jump into more than they need and perhaps even reduce the amount of it (if they can) over time.
In other words, talking about lust issues (especially as explicit as SA) does not reduce a person's lust, it just channels it in an appropriate manner. [Perhaps I shouldn't use the word "just" - this is an incredible accomplishment.] This leaves the person as addicted to lust as ever, and while as long as he sticks to the program he is fine, the path down to failure is a very short one. It is a much harder task for a person to actually reduce his lust, but if one does so he is better protected over the long run.
it seems possible to use the 12 steps (and GYE) to break out of the worst problems and then use the sanity and sobriety acheived to totally break free from the lust addiction.
(So it seems to me, but I have not perfected this process, so I shouldn't talk what I can't demonstrate.)
I believe a program can reduce the amount of lust a person possesses, and it certainly can teach him how to react when triggered, or preventin' it in the first place.
Hmm, I'd love to see what else is in that recycle bin section...
I think I see why this one was trashed tho
Please remind me.
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03 Jun 2018 07:07
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lifebound
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cordnoy wrote on 03 Jun 2018 06:51:
kosher wrote on 18 Aug 2011 15:12:
I was actually working on a kuntres on this subject. I was going to post it in "my" thread and hopefully build up my post count, but you were zocheh to get it first.
I see GYE (and to an even greater extent the whole 12 step business) as the equivalent of methadone to a heroin addict. It is not nearly as bad as the other option and it opens up a space of sanity and functioning to allow an addict to really break free. On the other hand it is itself addictive and to some extent even reinforces the addiction. To the extent that you need it, it is an excellent thing and is certainly better than the alternative, on the other hand, people should be cautious not to jump into more than they need and perhaps even reduce the amount of it (if they can) over time.
In other words, talking about lust issues (especially as explicit as SA) does not reduce a person's lust, it just channels it in an appropriate manner. [Perhaps I shouldn't use the word "just" - this is an incredible accomplishment.] This leaves the person as addicted to lust as ever, and while as long as he sticks to the program he is fine, the path down to failure is a very short one. It is a much harder task for a person to actually reduce his lust, but if one does so he is better protected over the long run.
it seems possible to use the 12 steps (and GYE) to break out of the worst problems and then use the sanity and sobriety acheived to totally break free from the lust addiction.
(So it seems to me, but I have not perfected this process, so I shouldn't talk what I can't demonstrate.)
I believe a program can reduce the amount of lust a person possesses, and it certainly can teach him how to react when triggered, or preventin' it in the first place.
Hmm, I'd love to see what else is in that recycle bin section...
I think I see why this one was trashed tho
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03 Jun 2018 07:03
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cordnoy
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"The semi atheist" post=93725 date=1295453242 catid=21
achi, i like what you write....
i hear what youre saying about not having a personal relationship with the Holy, Righteous, Mighty, Powerful, and Pure Lord God Almighty. The earth is filled with His Glory, Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...i definitely hear ya on that...The Wizard, dov, hes been sober forever and a day..he swears that talking to god, like out loud and as if hes sitting next to you, actually helps in this addiction...part of developing a relationship with him that actually works...so i too am scheduling in a chat with god every day...like what the aitch, im already talking to myself...so i talk to hashem...lets get crazy with the cheese-wizz, as they say...trying to make him my private god, i guess...
and maybe "everyone can write his own torah"...in the sense that we addicts need to learn new rules on how to live life...we need to create our own torah in a sense...but at the end, youll find that the torah you write for yourself...its been right there all along...been right there in the torah of moshe...only we didnt see it...
i am not secular...not the way israelis use that word...israelis are major believers...even one who calls himself "secular" believes in all kinds of stuff...i guess you can say i have atheistic tendencies even though i absolutely believe in hashem the creator, in his torah, written and oral...but i always find it is funny how people look for meaning and religion in the silliest nonsense...take aborigines, for example...if it wasnt so serious, it would be stupid funny...or kabbalists...or l ron hubbard...humans are funny that way...
but god is there and he can help and he does help.
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03 Jun 2018 06:51
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cordnoy
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kosher wrote on 18 Aug 2011 15:12:
I was actually working on a kuntres on this subject. I was going to post it in "my" thread and hopefully build up my post count, but you were zocheh to get it first.
I see GYE (and to an even greater extent the whole 12 step business) as the equivalent of methadone to a heroin addict. It is not nearly as bad as the other option and it opens up a space of sanity and functioning to allow an addict to really break free. On the other hand it is itself addictive and to some extent even reinforces the addiction. To the extent that you need it, it is an excellent thing and is certainly better than the alternative, on the other hand, people should be cautious not to jump into more than they need and perhaps even reduce the amount of it (if they can) over time.
In other words, talking about lust issues (especially as explicit as SA) does not reduce a person's lust, it just channels it in an appropriate manner. [Perhaps I shouldn't use the word "just" - this is an incredible accomplishment.] This leaves the person as addicted to lust as ever, and while as long as he sticks to the program he is fine, the path down to failure is a very short one. It is a much harder task for a person to actually reduce his lust, but if one does so he is better protected over the long run.
it seems possible to use the 12 steps (and GYE) to break out of the worst problems and then use the sanity and sobriety acheived to totally break free from the lust addiction.
(So it seems to me, but I have not perfected this process, so I shouldn't talk what I can't demonstrate.)
I believe a program can reduce the amount of lust a person possesses, and it certainly can teach him how to react when triggered, or preventin' it in the first place.
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01 Jun 2018 08:56
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ayidel
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tzomah wrote on 25 Jan 2018 12:05:
thank you markz for keeping this place safe and happy
thank you cordnoy for many of us owe lots of our recovery to you myself incl.
many of us wait with bated breath for your posts sometimes i can't stop myself from chuckling
your honesty is mechayev us all
and thankyou ieeyc for coming clean midas yehudah we all understand (it may be related to computer addictions)
ברוך המקום שמסר עולמו לשומרים
Thanks markz for being on top of all this it's certainly more comforting using this site knowing there are patrols around taking care to keep it safe
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01 Jun 2018 07:07
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WannabeFree
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[quote="holykosher" post=331564 date=1527735709 catid=1]Hi Can anyone tell me, for real not just because we are supposed to say a certain way.
im married b"h. does it make a difference?, help or make it harder (in terms of lust nisyonos) if u have a beautiful wife? or the other way when not. but only from your own experience i want to get real stories from personal experience. [please share if u have a real story.[/quote]
When I was going out with my wife, she was very beautiful. A semi-random guy even came over to me one day and told me that she is the "hottest girl" in the area. However, looking back, I was already messed up with lust and turning my head constantly to look at other women. Without going in to detail, we did not get on very well once we were married. I started resenting her and it made absolutely no difference that she was beautiful, besides for satisfying my lust addiction. Even then I sometimes imagined that I was with someone else. But I was also masturbating and fantasizing. Today, many years later, my wife is not nearly as physically attractive as she used to be. I'm still addicted to lust and still turning my head to look at women the whole time. (I've started the 90 days program and trying to take some other steps to begin recovery.) So really nothing changed on my side and I've been married to a very beautiful woman and to the same one who became less attractive. So to answer your question, the lust addiction is exactly that. It manifests itself regardless of how beautiful your wife is.
Behatzlocha
WBF
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