Hi,
I'm relatively new here...
There is lots of talk on GYE about fighting this "addiction".
From reading the posts here and talking to members, it seems like there are 2 general camps: those that view themselves as addicts and those that don't. 

The addicts: They feel that they have an addiction that is beyond their ability to control. They make progress through the 12-steps (they are "powerless over our addiction...give up our will to G-d"). They seem to understand that this issue is more than just a taiva for women/pleasure...rather, they view it as an essential flaw in themselves that defines them. They give themselves the title of "addict". They go to therapy. They self-reflect. They try to understand why there is a need in their lives for these things and where those needs are stemming from. They try to fill that hole with meaning and spirituality etc.

The non-addicts: view themselves as having a serious taiva for a very serious aveira. It is not an essential flaw in their being. It is not a hole in themselves or some kind of internal emptiness that they are filling with self-pleasure. Rather, they view themselves as regular people who seriously struggle and want to stop it once and for all. For this camp, going to therapy and discussing their childhood/marriage/self esteem will not help in the least. They are simply males and have very strong drives that are hard to control. (And if they were not jewish and therefore didnt view this as a sin, they would be 100% fine with themselves). 

Now, I am not certain that these 2 groups are divided up based on the seriousness of their addiction... It seems it is simply just 2 ways to go about tackling the same issue? I am not certain that the self-defined "addicts" are the ones who struggle more. I think many people have normal marriages, come from normal homes, and still struggle very seriously with this issue.

Curious what some of the "old-timers" here think.

Shkoyich,

Yidyidyid

It was a pleasure to meet you, Reb Dov. You are a very sincere and geshmake Yid.

In our meetings we would go around the circle and everyone would say "I am Ploni and I am a sexaholic" which means an addict. I don't know if it was compulsory.

joeross275 wrote on 13 Jun 2018 19:27:

Welcome Joe!
Great to hear you have support!!

Its impressive that you are copying Yankel and  just trying to do the right thing!

hello. my name is joeross. ive been addicted since i was a kid. age 5 or 7 i was addicted. i just entered gye community in janurary .
ive been learning a lot about this addictions. getting help from my advisors.
 now im up to day 11 clean bh. been following a method that really works for me....i will put more info about myself as time goes on bn, right now i got to go
thanks for reading!!

Hi everyone, i'm still feeling pretty awful, sad and depressed. it might be withdrawal symptoms or maybe in general it has to do with my circumstance in life now. Regardless i guess once again i have to follow yesterday's route of "just being mindful that i'm feeling very lonely and depressed without passing judgment on myself for the fact that i'm feeling this way Accept the fact that i'm feeling this way, and that the feeling's are just feelings. and practice compassion for myself and spoil myself a bit till hashem decides to send better moods and feelings my way. 

Anyways on a more positive note today is day 14 clean so as agreed i spoke to my partner and extended the agreement for another 15 days until day 30, so once again despite my moods and how i'm feeling right now Escaping to porn and masturbation will bring too much harm. I can't afford to go back to a leading a life of addiction, and emptiness so here we go......#CHALLENGE EXTENDED and as terrible as i'm feeling, my moods will pass. 

 GO YANKEL GO!

Welcome to the club!

Before we deal with important matters, have you mastered the "60 ways to appear frum & intellectual' yet, by jerusalemsexaddict?

Day 37

Started out strong this morning. Had a few slips later on. I have come a long way though. When I started the 90 days, I viewed the slips as almost an optional part; so long as I don't fall I don't need to start again type of thing. I still get that mind set occasionally if I'm not focused, but it's much less than before. Also when I'm focused I find that I don't get triggered so easily, even by the particular women that I see regularly.

From today I am b"n going to try stop watching tv shows in the morning hours when I'm alone at home. This is a big deal for me. Admittedly the catalyst for this is my wife breathing down my neck that it's about time I got a job. Hopefully this will help. Problem is I think I'm addicted to the internet/procrastinating/wasting time - even with kosher methods, but I guess it's better to spend my time on this forum, my email and the news (Arutz 7) than most other sites.

lifebound wrote on 10 Jun 2018 07:30:

Random. My wife thinks that had I been allowed some "kosher" fun with frum girls in high school I wouldnt have ended up how I did. And that the current yeshiva system may be another cause for so many addicts. I disagree. I believe that it is hard for teenage boys to make boundaries...So I decided to see if others agree with me or if she actually has a point.

Old Timer wrote on 30 Jul 2017 18:16:

wow, i wonder how they got rid of it w/o 12 steps,really,it would be a big help for all of us non 12 steppers.

That is amazing! Only taking on new mitzvos is not the same as getting rid of an addiction, so be aware that if you are addicted (and after 50 years of it the chances are high) it may not be so easy. May you succeed either way! 

הרוצה לטהר wrote on 10 Jun 2018 01:21:


Hey, welcome.

Your story sounds quite similar to mine...I can definitely relate to that rotten feeling, having no connection to yiddishkeit.
I'm just getting started on the road to real recovery but thank God I'm in a better place now than I was a few months back, and have high hopes for what the future will bring.
May you also get there soon, keep posting and stay connected.

הרוצה לטהר wrote on 10 Jun 2018 01:21:

Of course, you have a real problem that all the chizzuk in the world will not solve. Also, it might not be an addiction at all, so I'd recommend not using that word so lightly about yourself. We will talk, iyH. 

Though chizzuk isn't what really helps in the long run, it sure is nice when great folks give it! And to be encouraged in the precious value of davening and other aspects of avodas Hashem by the good people here is a gift. Yivorech'cho Hashem, mzl!

And I hope we talk soon, rotzeh letaher.

הרוצה לטהר wrote on 10 Jun 2018 02:33:

That's awesome!

Some guys take a long time to figure out what they want / need - It looks like your Truck is well primed and ready to roll!

Unfortunately I feel your pain. I think the most damage is done by the idea that if you do a lot of porn you cannot get up in the morning to go to shul, can't learn etc. But if you think about it it's precisely when you are at your lowest that Hashem is closest to you and the behaviors of a Jewish life are most beneficial.

I'm talking about the all gye programs.
joining up to the desperado group