18 Jun 2018 14:20
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gibbor120
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Welcome! Check out the handbook. Keep posting. You are not alone.
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18 Jun 2018 04:12
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lionking
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It is good to hear that you are back on the bandwagon.
I've been reading a book lately from Rabbi A.J. Twerski, titled " Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self-Deception". Just today I read a chapter which is relevant to what you mentioned. I hope the Rabbi doesn't mind if I quote the text here.
Addictive Thinking and Relapse
A recurrence of addictive thinking often precedes relapse into drinking or use of other chemicals. Distorted thinking can also follow relapse as a person attempts to return to a Twelve Step program.
Growth in Recovery
Because recovery is a growth process, relapse is an interruption of that growth. But relapse does not mean going back to square one. Yet almost without exception, that is what the relapser is likely to think. After two years or twelve years of recovery, a person who relapses may feel back at rock bottom. This conclusion is mistaken, however, and can negatively affect recovery from a relapse. Many people who relapse think, What’s the use? I’ve tried and it doesn’t work. I might as well give up the fight.
The problem is, they are beginning with a conclusion rather than looking at the facts of their situation: the progress they’ve made, the skills they’ve learned, the rewards of recovery. Instead, the person who has relapsed wishes to continue the use of chemicals. The ideas of futility and de-spair are nothing but typical addictive thinking, the purpose of which is to promote continued use of chemicals. The correct conclusion, as the following story illustrates, is that relapse doesn’t wipe out the gains recovering addicts have made to that point.
Slippery Spots
One winter day I had a package to mail at the post office. My car battery was dead, and I had to walk eight blocks to the post office. I tried to watch for slippery spots on the sidewalk, but, in spite of my caution, I slipped and fell hard. While I fortunately did not break any bones, I did feel a jolting pain.
I may or may not have uttered a few expletives at the person who should have shoveled the sidewalk more thoroughly. But I knew that whether I fell because of the deceptive appearance of the sidewalk or my negligence, I was not going to get to the post office unless I got up and walked, pain and all.
As I limped on, I was even more alert for possible slippery spots that might bring about another fall.
In spite of my painful fall, I was two blocks closer to my destination than when I had started. The fall did not erase the progress I had made.
This is how we can view relapse. Regardless of its pain, relapse is not a regression back to square one. The progress made up to the point of the relapse can’t be denied. An addict who relapses must start from that point and, as with the icy slip, be even more alert to those things that can cause relapse.
Relapse of Thinking
A shrewd observer, whether therapist or sponsor, may detect a recurrence of addictive thinking that is likely to result in relapse. If this is corrected, relapse may be forestalled. For example, a recovering person who begins exhibiting signs of impatience has likely slipped back into the addict’s concept of time. Someone who claims not to need as many meetings because she is now in control is probably back into omnipotence. Someone wallowing in remorse may be regressing into shame. Someone who reverts to rationalizing or projecting blame, or who becomes unusually sensitive to other people’s behavior, may be experiencing the hypersensitivity or self-righteousness of the addict. Becoming morose or pessimistic can signal the depression or the morbid expectations characteristic of addictive thinking.
Any recurrence of what we have come to recognize as addictive thinking may be a prelude to relapse. Prompt detection of the relapse into addictive thinking and reinstitution of healthy thinking may help the addict avoid the chemical relapse.
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18 Jun 2018 04:06
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Markz
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i-man wrote on 18 Jun 2018 03:31:
I just fell .... ending a 10 month streak...
ironically i was just last night telling people that im in a very good place - But the truth is I am in a good place ...surprisingly so, im feeling pretty good that i just did something incredible - close to a year ! im incredibly gratefull to Hashem for giving me the abilty to accomplish this ,im ready to get the ball rolling again , if anything this was a major wakeup call that i need to change how i go about things , how i deal with my sex obsession/addiction ,how to stop doing thngs that could lead to a fall , i have already been in contact with some of the wonderful people here working out a plan going forward where i will iyH be able to really take control .
thanks to all of you out there for the chizuk and companionship its really incredible.
Thank YOU for being part of the crew
I'm sorry to hear the latest news. It's not fun. I've been there, and done that (falling after an extended streak)
Your honesty is a great tool that will get you places, so just Keep on Trucking, cos you're on a good path!! Warning: Spoiler!
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18 Jun 2018 03:31
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i-man
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I just fell .... ending a 10 month streak...
ironically i was just last night telling people that im in a very good place - But the truth is I am in a good place ...surprisingly so, im feeling pretty good that i just did something incredible - close to a year ! im incredibly gratefull to Hashem for giving me the abilty to accomplish this ,im ready to get the ball rolling again , if anything this was a major wakeup call that i need to change how i go about things , how i deal with my sex obsession/addiction ,how to stop doing thngs that could lead to a fall , i have already been in contact with some of the wonderful people here working out a plan going forward where i will iyH be able to really take control .
thanks to all of you out there for the chizuk and companionship its really incredible.
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17 Jun 2018 21:28
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mzl
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17:23
I'm feeling a little better. I started a watching a movie with my kids, snd the movie is funny.
My wife went back out to shop more but with her tail between her legs. At least I know that she is sorry that I'm having a hard time.
Earlier I felt like my prostate was being held in a little vice. The feeling is gone now B"H.
I've been having problematic feelings down there since I was a preschooler. My sex addiction made it feel better because it flushed the pipes.
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17 Jun 2018 18:26
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mzl
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You sound pretty motivated. Have you thought about what tools to use when you feel an urge to think about sex / look at things?
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17 Jun 2018 18:11
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WannabeFree
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Bekodech, welcome to GYE. As you can see, everyone is eager to welcome you here and you can feel safe and at home with your problems among us.
If you go to the home page, you will see a list of tools that you can try. Perhaps the TAPHSIC method can help you where filters cannot. Personally for me, joining the 90 day challenge and posting in the forums has been the most helpful, but everyone has success with a different combination of the methods provided. Also make sure to educate yourself - there is a very large archive of articles, shiurim etc to go through and you can register to get a daily chizuk email, if you haven't already.
Keep posting!
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17 Jun 2018 13:37
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Gevura Shebyesod
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Welcome!
There’s actually a French section of the site, the link should be at the top corner of the page (I can’t see it on my phone). But your English is excellent, you can keep posting here too
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17 Jun 2018 13:24
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Bekodech
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Because it destroys my soul and my being.
It's dirty, disgusting, repulsive but it gives me pleasure. A false pleasure because just after, it is a pain, remorses, etc.
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17 Jun 2018 12:54
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mzl
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It's not the same if the question is answered by somebody else.
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17 Jun 2018 12:52
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Hashem Help Me
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Mazel tov on 13! Look at it as if you had to share something awkward with a doctor. You discuss it in a clinical fashion. Same here. Noone focused on recovery looks down at another guy's desires. We all understand that for whatever reason, whether from birth, due to environmental factors, or other causes, some of us here have "strange" desires and fantasies. The bottom line is that all addictive desires lead to unhealthy behavior and we need to learn how to deal with the general issue of lust. Keep sharing. The more you do, the less powerful the lust is. It gets defined with boundaries and becomes managable with the techniques you are learning. Iyh one day at a time you are going to become a healthy happy fellow, and be at peace with yourself, having learned how to deal with the underlying forces driving the sexual drives in you. Hatzlocha.
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17 Jun 2018 12:14
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mzl
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I'm sorry that you are in pain.
Why do you want to stop masturbating?
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17 Jun 2018 11:30
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Bekodech
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Hi everyone,
I am 22 years old. I want to share my story.
I'm not from a religious family. I come from a traditional jewish family where we called it in France "Jews of Kippour".
First of all, I need to announce that I am addicted to computer. Since the age of 10years I was able to spend days and nights before the screen, playing video games, chatting and finally losing precious time..
When I was in secondary school (13 years old), my friends (not jewish) showed a p*** video. When I saw that, I feeled deeply shocked by the content on one hand but on the other hand it creates in me pleasure and I would to review that. I asked my friends to send me this video and I watched it in my bed the following night. In the meantime, I discussed s** with a friend (a girl). And this is the starting point of a long addiction.
I've been continued to watch p***. A few years ago, I did Techouva. I have become aware of watching this so I have installed a filter. However, I am brillant in computer engineering (my occupation) so it's easy for me to bypass filters.
Maybe later, I'll add details of my personal history.
I don't know what are my means today. I have now a filter installed on my computer but I can bypass it easily. My smartphone is well filtered too.
I have two addictions : computer and p***
What can I do ?
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