Hello!
My story: I started watching Porn during the summer between 8th and 9th grade, which eventually escalated to masturbation when I was in 11th grade. It took some time, but eventually I realized that what I was doing was bad and yet, like many others, couldn't stop. It was a terrible time for me. I felt like a loser, a rashah, a hypocrite. I didn't have many friends during high school and so whenever homework piled on or I felt lonely, I'd turn to masturbating.
After high school I started learning in a Hesder Yeshiva (where I'm still learning), and then things started to change: Right at the beginning of Elul I had a talk with my Rav, and during the course of the talk, he asked me straight-out if I was watching Porn and masturbating. I was so stunned that I immediately admitted this was so, and suddenly, I felt freer than I'd felt in years. With his help, I managed to get a point of three-weeks abstinence at a time - meaning, not doing anything while I was away in Yeshiva.

Fast-forward a few years later: I had such a hard time serving in the IDF that I reached a point where I felt that if I didn't masturbate whenever I came home, I wouldn't be able to survive the next couple of weeks of service. Yeah, I was feeling really messed-up.

And then things really started changing: My brother and a few close friends got engaged and later got married near the end of my service, and then it really hit me hard that if I didn't beat this addiction, I wouldn't be able to have a healthy marriage myself. So when I got back to Yeshiva, I knew I would do anything to quit. Early last Elul I found this site, which actually led me to the Nofap site which, secular as it may be, has actually helped me tremendously, and here I am, with nearly half a year of abstinence.

The reason that I decided to come back to GYE is because I've come to realize lately that despite all of my progress, I'm still objectifying women. I have no idea if it's to a lesser extent than before or not. Personally, I'd like to start dating, in fact- the only person who's currently pressuring me to start dating is that same Rabbi, who's the only person who knows about my addiction.
If anyone has any tips or ideas on not objectifying women, I'd be happy to hear.
Have a nice day.

Ok Chevra no fighting please...

Thanks Tzvi for clarifying in your new thread what you mean by "comprehension"; as to some of us troubled individuals it just sounded like you may have been hinting at us to follow our brains instead of our whatever...
I assumed you couldn't have meant that, but you were a drop vague... I've already mentioned in a different thread how sensitive we all need to be with the struggling individuals on this site. This ain't the YWN Coffee Room.
Anyways I appreciate Tzvi's idea of taking the time to make sure we can repeat in our own words what we are reading, both in learning & in recovery literature. (I personally need to read some sentences in the white book & big book numerous times till I get an inkling of what I just read, it's like those books were written by drug-addicts or something!)

Everyone should continue to be זוכה to be מחזק & מתחזק on this wonderful site!

One need not always live up to their name.
Ahem

Wow. Your journey sounds very interesting.
I do not really know what you mean about developing your mind. If you know of a book that outlines what I need to do, that I would appreciate reading one. My own experience has taught me that I would act out despite not only my brain sending warnings not to, but even despite my natural survival instincts. For example, I would get a overdue bill from the credit card company, and a new paying client at the same time. My logical brain, And my survival instinct would tell me to take the client, use the money to pay the credit card bill. Instead I would become overwhelmed, want to escape, watch pornography, miss the client and the bill. Of course this is only because I am an sexaholic, or sex addict. I am sure many people who are not addicts can gain greatly from strengthening their brains. Even for me, I am sure there are ways that a stronger brain would help me as well.

Tzvi5 wrote on 25 Feb 2019 16:57:

Perhaps it's not. Nonetheless, I think a valid point has been made that people want to feel an attachment (or at least acceptance) from the speaker before accepting the advice. You sound like a very nice person with experience and success. Why not say hello to people (on the forum), share a little about yourself, and find out about others. Once people feel connected to you, I'm sure your own experiences can be very helpful to others.
Perhaps your thread that you started last week would be  a good place to do that.

Hope to read it soon.
sg

Regarding your question about how much I know addicts, in response, I have been to sa for 18 months and know a few people quite well. 

A piece of advice isn't preaching. One who gets offended when he is given advice and feels he's preached at is mistaken. If one is sick and someone gives advice (ex. One likes to bang his head into the wall) that's not called preaching.

cordnoy wrote on 22 Feb 2019 18:07:

Yes - Trouble does have a way of putting things doesn't he?

Learning to rewire my brain.

Problem: My feet are hot
Old Solution: Act out
New Solution: Take off my shoes.

Problem: I'm tired.
Old Solution: Act out.
New Solution: Go to sleep.

Problem: So and so is a nut.
Old Solution: Act out.
New Solution: Practice being humble.

Problem: I'm overwhelmed.
Old Solution: Act out.
New Solution: Focus on one top priority task at a time.

Problem: I'm Hungry.
Old Solution: Act out.
New Solution: Eat. (this is a chiddush.)

Problem: I'm thirsty.
Old solution: Act out.
New solution: drink water.

Problem: I'm worried.
Old Solution: Act out.
New Solution: accept the worst possible outcome. Make peace with it. Work to improve the outcome.

Problem: I wasted all day.
Old Solution: Act out.
New Solution: Recognize that low energy is a normal experience from time to time. Get started on a high priority task.

I ask you; does there seem to be a difference between the life of an addict to the life of a non-addict in the way we approach life's simplest challenges?

This is the best post I've read on GYE. So relatable and inspiring. Thank you

Trouble wrote on 22 Feb 2019 17:31:

Well written.

Humility is a nice trait to learn as well. Sadly, I am still learnin'.

Tzvi5 wrote on 22 Feb 2019 15:55:

Mr tzvi, you seem to like preaching and it seems to be the same sermon as well; that's fine, perhaps there is merit in your lecture. I'm not sure how much you know or don't know about addicts, or people similar to them, but several things I have learned in my stay here:  these type of people (of which I am one) don't like being talked down to, they don't like to be told what to do, and most of all, they like to feel attached with the other person before accepting suggestions. There must be a bond of sorts. You can keep spewing and it might be productive; I doubt it though. Just my troubling words. You can ignore if you'd like; that's what many should do after seeing posts that don't resonate with them.

Take care

Shteeble wrote on 22 Feb 2019 14:20:

Nicely said. It behooves to say that gaining the comprehension of an average adult, should take care of the above mentioned issues.

I think it would be helpful to Change how one feels and thinks, which would solve 2 issues: A. One wouldn't be uncomfortable in life B. One wouldn't get overly triggered.

A good method to use is to build one's abilities of comprehension. Try it for real, and see where one is holding after a few weeks.

Shteeble wrote on 17 Jun 2011 04:46: