I believe that Boruch called the SA hotline and got a contact number for a group he was interested in attending.  He spoke to someone from the group that confirmed that there was not another religious jew that had been to that meeting in years.

I hate to sound like a broken record but Rabbi Twerski states that if someone r"l has cancer, what would they not do to recover?  This addiction is a spiritual cancer and we need to be willing to go the distance to rid ourselves of it.

I hope that you will not need an SA groups and that the phone conferences will work for you.

I just wanted to let you know that there are other options if you were to need them.

Be Well!

[block u-tube forever quote][/quote]
YKV a gezinter zimmer
I am all with you .I believe that youtube is one of the most potnt weapons Y"H has in his arsenal.especially on the entry level .I look back to my own personal struggles and always come back that videos like you tube is the aveira goreres aveira that gets it all started.
do you have an eitza how to REALLY block it.It is so embedded for example when I upload my family pictures from a somple olympus camera onto a fairly safe program PICASA(google) the videos are given an  to be posted on you tube.
there are  video sites that are much worse than you tube which one does not need any degree in computers to acccess .Do you have a simple Idea how to block them?
I am hoping for a day that there will be a simple disc that will be distributed in all shuls Etc. that each honest jew will stick once into his computer and freeze these sites.
I have learned from herr(GUE) that this is an addiction and it wont be overcome with just TIPS but as everyone says here if Y"H sees your not in the game he will leave you alone (a bit)

humbled and happy
bardichev

Change in Israel Hotline

Changing from Mondays to Sundays.

Rabbi Ya'ir Shochet  (English and Hebrew Speaker)
Working with sexual addiction in the frum community for many years.
Trained in the 12-Steps (and author of the book "The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life")
Also helps couples deal with a spouse who is addicted (and general marriage counseling as well)
052-6923065. Sunday and Wed from 9-10 PM

The number is only in use during the above hours. All other times, please leave a message and he'll get back to you
If you need to speak urgently with him, write him an e-mail: hayomharishon@gmail.com
(or write to eyes.guard@gmail.com and I can ask him if I can pass his regular number on to you).

Rabbi Shochet administers a forum in HEBREW for people with these addictions over here.

Some reason is you're addicted and cannot control this.  That's why you keep going
back to it. You can switch blocks and give someone your password but the porn is
not the problem, it's the sympton of the problem. And until you give up and admit
you have a problem and work on your anger, resentment, fears, lonliness, etc. you'll just keep on.
The scary thing is that this is a progressive disease.  Soon porn won't be exciting enough if you're
watching it every 2 hours.  And those things you are now swearing you'll never do, soon become a
reality to many of us.

There is an expression in SA.  The bottom line in SA is no masturbation and no sex outside marriage.
Does that mean as long as you don't masturbate you can sit and watch porn all day?  NOOOOOO!

This is a disease caused by LUST and the more you fill your life and mind with lustful thoughts
you can't stop.   So all the blocks in the world won't help if you really want to keep looking? 
I went to a Kinkos once because my home computer was blocked.  In a public place!!!
Insanity.

Anyway, get into an SA or SLAA program.  Join the weekly calls. Read whatever you can on
the Guard site.  Get a sponsor immediately or someone from this forum to talk to and speak
it out with someone. 

Youve taken the first step by writing on the forum.  Now take the next, etc.

So I'm Nineteen. I was raised in a non-religious home with parents who didn't monitor my web surfing so I grew a porn addiction in my early teens. About six months ago I said enough was enough and stopped masturbating all-together. Baruch Hashem to this day I haven't touched myself. Porn is another problem though. After I quit masturbating I would still find myself watching porn, wasting time. I finally kicked the habit when I found A good porn filter program and made up an email/password that I didn't know. This was about 3 months ago and I thought I was completely done with porn. Well a couple days ago I had an urge to watch pornography. I've had these urges from time to time but my filter was so rock solid that I always found it impossible to get past it and just gave up after a few minutes. However, this time I found a way around the filter. Since then I'm watching porn almost every couple hours. I can't bring myself to enjoy, but for some reason I just can't stop visiting those sites.

What scares me is that now that I've learned how to work around the filter there's no way to block me from going to these places. I've been in constant fear every day after watching porn that I'll go to sleep and have a wet-dream as a result.

This depends on your relationship with your wife which may well be linked to the depth of the addiction.  If the addiction has literally controlled your every waking moment then it makes sense that you would not be expressive (not wanting anyone to hear what was really on your mind) and would not have the capacity to work on your relationships or other areas of life.  You had no time to devote to these areas.  The first thing I'd suggest is thanking Hashem for leading you here - this is exactly the right place to be!  Also, don't be so hard on yourself.  After reading some of your posts and knowing that you've gone almost 6 months without a fall, I can't accept that this accurately describes your situation.  The Y"H does not have you in chains!  And therefore you do have the ability to work on other things.

As Ykv said, write your wife a love letter.  Think about where you'd be if you weren't married.  With far fewer responsibilities, can you imagine how much harder it would be to overcome the addiction?  It sounds like you generally get along with her - that's a huge Bracha!  You have the foundation on which to build a magnificent emotional bond with a life partner who is there with you and for you!  Give her everything you have - your money, your heart and your time.  It is an investment that will yield tremendous benefits - she will respond and give you more than you can imagine in return.  You'll find new kochos in you that you never knew you had.  You'll find yourself on a path of true, positive growth, not stagnation.  You want to be expressive?  Express!  Use your own words, however inadequate they may sound to you.  She will encourage and support every small step you take and she will recognize and acknowledge tiny positive steps that no one else would ever see because they don't know you as well as your partner.  Spend time together and get to know her even better – it will be well worth it.

it is hard to get the emotion moving- i have been living so long in a fake world feeling bad for myself. i am scared to express myself. until now for the past 15 yrs  nearly every moment has been controlled by my addiction. i feel more free than ever before, but over time  i have learnt not to express myself because i was always afraid of where my thoughts where deep seated in my brainor that people would see through to what i have been up to. now i need to express myself and feel love and affection to the ones i should be showing love and passion and companionship to ,but more often find myself blaming them for not being expressive to me- any thoughts on how to get this dormant side of the heart going?
 
honestly without your support i would be lost- but isn't it amazing what are brains are capable of doing and how much damage we can bring to ourselves?- imagine; if one man can kill 6 million- how much more so one man can build and save!!
  we have the power ,and this website is on the forefront of the battle that will help bring mashiach. as we get weaker and the generations slip lower and lower, hashem also promised us equilibrium- if we want to rise out of the 49 levels of tumah hashem will help us in massive ways- as he did leaving Egypt. our geula will be the same. those who wanted to leave mitzarim were taken out even if they were rishayim. all we need to do at this point is want!! we can succeed against the y"h. we will be taken out of our bondage and redeemed and saved in our days! 

Anyone serious about breaking free of this addiction must refrain from watching TV, Movies and reading non-Jewish magazines, all of which are full of promiscuity. Even the most innocent-sounding children’s movies today are filled with imagery which can be very triggering for any addict, and should be avoided.

Let this be your sacrifice for Hashem's glory. It will be more precious in Hashem's eyes than a Korbon the Mizbeach of the beis Hamikdash!

YosefYakov, you're on the chart! Welcome and G-d luck on your journey with us all.

To answer your original questions, yes the phone groups are still happening - I'm not sure of the Pesach schedule. To find out about the free Sunday calls, be in touch with yidvre@gmail.com. To find out about the $10/session Tuesday calls (with a real addiction therapist on the line) be in touch with zcitr@yahoo.com.

Please yosefyakov, keep in mind though what I wrote about the groups above. You sound very determined and I hope to Hashem that this time will be different than all other nights, but promise us here that if you should chas veshalom fall again, you will seek out an SA group in your area to break free of the addiction to LUST once and for all G-d willing. As Rabbi Twerski always says: This disease is a spiritual cancer. If we had cancer, would we not do everything we could to cure ourselves?

Your holy soul is yearning to shine forth. You have much passion and strength inside you, but it has been lead to find expression in the wrong way. We can all learn to redirect all our passions towards Hashem. That is what we are here for and I know you will succeed. Hashem doesn't take down a whole airplane just for everyone 

May Hashem take us all out of Mitzrayim.

Be Holy, the common denominator between us all is "addiction to lust"




What is the forum about if not this? This is lust. And that is what we are all trying to escape. And guarding our eyes on the street is the "final frontier" of this struggle. Don't think that you are not doing well. You are doing incredibly well. You have stopped all the really bad stuff and are struggling now only with shmiras ainayim on the street. From experience I can tell you that this takes the longest time to gain full control over. But you will get there. You are on the right path and have the right outlook. And I can't really add much more to the amazing advice you've gotten from "Me" and Yaakov" and "Ano"...

true any -but it is easier said than done. we are really animals inside- perhaps my fear is opening that up, or exposing it because i know what i have seen and done in the past. it  is a catch 22, we are given a goof and neshama, it is the test of our lives to activate the right sections of our being at the right times. this addiction  is so deep that it penetrates our soul,leaves us feeling empty and with low self esteem-these factors make it hard to think straight. additionally bais yakov simply does not teach anything when it comes to this-not that they should but, it sort of leaves people like me in a hard place.
  the key is to work on ourselves and ask hashem to send us mercy-the hardest thing in the world is to stop lusting- giving up the physical, to no longer seek the exciting or look for the action,because that is what olam haze is ALL about. we are a nishama and once we internalize that, and that the rbs"o has customized every moment of our lives ,including our y"h -everything becomes so much easier.somehow it is so simple but so hard to obtain.
  on the other hand maybe i am normal and everybody goes through this.......are there any married people who have had any of these thoughts?
with admiration and tfillos that we all deflate our chometz on pesach....

be holy wrote on 12 Apr 2009 13:21:


Be holy, I'm not yet married or even dating, but I believe what you wrote is a common mistake. Tznius is for when your wife goes out into the street (or even in the house when she might be seen). However, tznius has NO place in your bedroom!! Your wife is supposed to make herself attractive for you and by so doing help you fight your battle against the street. It makes me very sad when I hear people say that it is inappropriate for a women to dress in a provocative manner for her husband. Do you remember what the kiyor in the mishkan was made from?

i was thinking this morning how unfair it is for me to post on this forum and how my issues shouldn't be posted because my issues are not your issues but then i was thinking just the opposite. everyone here, is here for the same reason, we are trying to get out of an addiction. everyone has fallen because of different reasons but we are all here to break free. Therefore you guys have helped me get this far and are truly the only people i can turn to to help. i am still in therapy with my wife and i can't bring the internet thing up with her. i am to ashamed, and really don't want to go that road. we have kosher internet rimon and my temptation is getting lighter. my issue is that i can't look my wife in the eye because i wish she looked better, and in my mind i want her to dress sexier- while at the same time knowing that she can't and as a kollel yungerliegth it is totally inappropriate. additionally it is demeaning because a man has his torah, and a women has her tznius. seeing other women on the street still is hard for me to control that double take. i know it is lust, but for some reason i just can't let go of it. this obviously is not what this forum is about but you guys have always been there for me in the past and we are not at 5 monthes!! it is the summer and my imagination goes wild when i am on the street..i hope we can get to the bottom of this and i can be the person i can be and give of myself to my wife- a wondering soul.

Wow Shomer, what an inspiring and sincere post. But how can you leave us hanging at such a critical part?

I was thinking of you on Pesach... I even told over at the Pesach meal about your sincere struggle and how you are trying so hard to leave Mitzrayim and give up "self-will" but it is SO difficult.

You know, you would enjoy the teachings of the Ba'al Hasulam - a great Kabbalist who lived about 60 years ago and wrote a Perush on the Zohar. If you can get the sefer "Shamati", you'd find it very enlightening... he constantly talks about how all Hashem wants from us is to give up our "Ratzon Lekabel", our self-will, which is the one thing that seperates us from Hashem. And that is the purpose of all the Torah and Miztvos... But he also discusses how it feels like "death" to give it up, and we can only learn to give it up through a fierce desire - a "life and death" desire. And that we can only get from Hashem himself. See Chizuk e-mail #339 on this page for something along these lines...

It's amazing how these goyish addicts are able to understand the deepest secrets of our connection with Hashem, secrets written by the greatest Kabbalists! And how did they merit to understand these deep truths? Because they are completely dependant on Hashem. When someone, ANYONE, knows that without Hashem he is LOST, he will learn the most amazing truths...

And Shomer, you and Boruch are discovering the deepest secrets of existance now... all in the merit of your complete determination to break free of Mitzrayim!

Tomorrow is 20 weeks for me! My goal is no more lusting. I feel like I am almost there. When I say lusting, I am referring specifically to thinking bad thoughts or staring at women for the sole purpose of getting that 'tingly feeling'. What I now realize is that doing those things and looking at porn online are essentially the same thing: food for my addiction to lust. And if you stop feeding the addiction, he dies. I'm living proof to the truth of that statement :D