emes

jewregonnamakeit wrote on 04 Mar 2021 16:44:

You make two opposite points here. One, that the addiction exacerbates your procrastination issues. Secondly, that the procrastination exacerbates the addiction.

Just a thought. I believe they probably feed each other, but primarily the latter, for a different reason than you wrote. 

The reason the addiction is fed by the procrastination, can be the following. When one isn't feeling accomplished and successful (for example, due to procrastination), he tends to turn to easy and quick gratification to soothe his feelings of emptiness. (Just as with any negative emotions; i.e. anxiety, stress, anger etc.)

So in essence, sticking to a strict schedule causes one to feel more accomplished, which will remove a large portion of the desire, in addition to giving one grounds to fight the urge. It isn't just about not having as much free time to dabble in these unfortunate activities.

Amazing! keep it up!

Belief is a powerful driver of change. Repeat studies have shown that people have more success replacing addictions and entrenched bad habits than those who don’t believe they can change.

Believing you can give up, allows you the space to plan how to give up, as you can focus your attention, energy and motivation away from the addiction itself to efforts to break and combat the addiction.

Change is possible. Humans are designed to adapt to change.

Hi all, with infinite gratitude to Hashem I am 10 days into the rest of my life. These things are helping me so far:

1) Recognizing that everything in my life is connected: my urges to act out, mental health, physical health, relationship with Hashem, etc. Making improvements in other areas have improved my ability to deal with this addiction.

2) Accountability! With multiple apps, this site, and my therapist all needing to be updated if I fall (chas v'shalom) this has helped me hold back.

3) I also deal with procrastination that is probably worsened by this addiction. I have created a schedule to stick to and let people around me know to hold me to it. With less "dead time" and less frustration from coming up short in work/housework I am less tempted.

4) Education has helped, namely setting aside time every day to read (on GYE and other sites) about this addiction, particularly the negative effects it causes and the benefits people find when they quit.

bego wrote on 04 Mar 2021 15:05:

We dont need to get Into the real definition of optional, that's for a college course. We are here for recovery.

The point in context though makes sense. For me when I act out I feel like it's not optional. In other words, juat as food, I feel I will die without it, similarly when I act out, I do it because I feel it's the only way, and I don't know how to exist without it.

I'm recovery I learn that food is something I truly need to exist, and porn and masturbation is not. Granted I'm currently married, so you can make the argument that I do have a form of release occasionally. I dont have a response to that. Bit I do know, even during my marriage when I act out, it feels the same as when I was a bachelor. I need to do this or else...

Granted this may not be everyones experience, but it is mine and seems to be many others.

bego wrote on 04 Mar 2021 15:05:


I get where you're coming from, but this is just plain incorrect. No human being has ever survived for more than a short period of time without food (or supernatural miraculous circumstances like Moshe Rabbeinu).

People get along without sex.

​Anecdotally, when Rav Moshe Feinstein was rav in Lyuban, the Soviets demolished the mikvah. They were building a mixed bathhouse instead, and Rav Moshe convinced them to hold some separate mens and womens hours (for sanitary reasons as the Jews wouldn't use it otherwise) and somehow convinced (perhaps bribed) the architect of the project to design the plumbing and structure of the mikvah in such a way that it would be a kosher mikvah, at least b'dieved. It was a clever and daring move to provide the tzibbur with the minimum level of taharas hamishpacha. This much is fact, however the story goes that because the mikvah relied on many leniencies and was only kosher b'dieved, Rav Moshe and his Rebbetzin did not want to rely on it personally, so they refrained from being together the entirety of the time that bathhouse was the only mikvah in Lyuban. She used to say, "Why do you think there are so many years between my Dovid and my Reuven?" (Rav Dovid Feinstein was born in 1929 and Rav Reuven was born in 1937.) 

DavidT wrote on 04 Mar 2021 14:59:

As always, I'm just here to say that I'm not so convinced of this. Food is also optional, it's just that you die without it. We don't really know what optional means as we don't (by definition) know what a person would be like in a different situation. So let's say a person doesn't masturbate but instead, bottles it up. Maybe he's worse. Just maybe. Always maybe. 

BM263 - I hope it was fun. At least that makes it worthwhile. The guilt afterwards is only worse if you feel it wasn't even fun. And guilt is, maybe, more dangerous than anything. 

bm263 wrote on 04 Mar 2021 04:38:

It's great that you're being so open about your struggles and your feelings.

I would like to point out that when it comes to M & P,  one feeds on the other, and if you don't stop both together, you are still feeding the monster and the addiction won't go away... Ultimately, I believe the porn will come back as well.

Masturbation is basically sex-with-self, which is addictive, destructive, and provides only temporary relief. And as our sages also say, the more we feed it, the more we need it. So although stopping may be hard at first, it gets easier over time. We need to truly believe that and just take the jump. Sex really is "optional". We can live without it.

serenity wrote on 04 Mar 2021 04:07:

Nice to see you back!!!!!

Not sure if the world has changed since they dropped mr from potato head (sic), but from my last check, searching for cars is not the most advisable idea if you’re trying to keep safe from illicit images...

Stick to Trucks 

Hello all, I'm going to try and check in here for the next 90 days and click that 90 day chart. My SA sobriety date is March 18, 2015 but can I really say I meet the GYE standards. I don't know but I didn't want to click I had a fall. What a terrible word "fall" is in my opinion. So negative and shameful, but who am I to question the 90 day chart. (It helped me) Anyways in the past Cordnoy (is he still an admin here?) gave me dispensation to say I'm clean on the chart. What another ugly word, "clean". So if I'm not clean, I'm dirty? They got rid of those words in the counseling profession. Time to update the lingo here? Look at me, here 5 minutes and already complaining. Such an addict. 

Listen I'm going to be a bit rude and egotistical. Here is my rule. If you have not masturbated in more than three years you can argue with anything I say and I'll will probably listen to you and you will probably be right.  If you're a chronic slipper then you should probably just keep quiet. Anything in between maybe you have something to teach me. If you have a decent amount of time of no masturbation with no image searches (def no porn)  then let me know how you do it.

Please don't take me too seriously. I just want to go 90 days without an illicit image (or any image search - except for cars) or video search. 

Thanks, 

Wow my Karma is going to go way down. They still have Karma here? 

albertc123 wrote on 02 Mar 2021 16:30:

What do you mean despair? Do you mean you're despairing of ever succeeding? Or despair because it's so hard and you surprised it is so hard? or maybe they are the same.

I've never tried drugs, so can't compare to them, but think of this: along with eating, this is the most difficult drug to control in the world. You are encouraged to have a little, but not too much (putting aside the usual GYE debates, lmaaseh we're supposed to devote our yetzer hora to our wives, but that doesn't mean getting rid of it) which makes it really hard. 

Be strong, we've all been there and unless you are an addict (another big GYE topic) you'll have ups and downs, but hopefully in time, mainly ups. 

The first obstacle to overcoming addiction is not in your genes, your childhood or your environment. The first obstacle is the decision not to try. The decision to make the effort and find the right guidance doesn't apply only to addiction. It applies to accomplishing anything.

Don't let past failures defeat you. Learn from them. Don't give in to hopelessness. Use it to build motivation.

So I’m currently holding at 3 days, I hit 70+ days twice. We are coming up to the one year anniversary of me being on GYE in about 3 weeks. This time last year I was an addict that used M 2-3 times daily and P to support the habit, I have not used P since I started on GYE. I have a cumulative of 316 days clean as of this post and the diary says I used M “only” 14 times in this year which all comes out to a decrease of 98%. If all this is correct then the Yetzer Hara made a pretty bad investment.

As for what pains me, I am in yeshivah and until recently I had a group of “friends” that did alot of ‘good’ for me. As much as I’m not in the wrong, it still hurts to be taken advantage of in every way possible and then be kicked to the curb when you need help. I kicked them to the curb and connected with people who are a little more loyal. Still hurts.

I’v been under an unhealthy amount of stress since yeshivah restarted and thats not helping my case either. Purim was pretty trashy to me this year but then again this whole year has been one big dumpster fire. 

Well this has been a rant, I’m going to sign off with a hope that things get better in the future.

There is nothing glorifying about the story, in fact the story is laced with a palpable and almost unbearable sense of impending doom and destruction, which is a credit to the author, resonates and hits very hard with people, and is its entire purpose.

THAT is the difference between this story and the countless posts on this website. Those posts detail the destruction porn and lust addiction wreak upon peoples lives, sure, but often in a somewhat generic, clinical, "yeah yeah I've seen this before sort of way". This is hitting right where it hurts. 

No one is reading this story to get their erotic kicks, there are [trigger warning!], MUCH better places for that.

concernedjew21 wrote on 01 Mar 2021 22:11:

I understand your frustration, trust me. I'm the cause for this topic of controversy. Yet we must respect The Guard. He isn't just any poster with a trigger happy finger dying to share his opinion for others to read. He is honestly here for people like us, only looking out for our good and our growth. 

I too am shocked by how many people found the content triggering. It has given me my own set of doubts, and I'm not sure we can do away with that aspect under the guise of "more good will come out than bad". That is a question only fit for minds greater than ours, and given to judgement solely to more experienced people. We can only view things through out perspective and experience, we need an outsider who will have a greater scope.