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24 Jan 2023 14:47
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looking for help
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Yes, sure you may ask - very gladly. We're all here for one reason!
How I got rid of the mz"l, really nothing major, I just remember 2 things, one for the bad and one for the good. The bad; I was so addicted, I couldn't hold myself back for 2 weeks, including the weeks before and after my chasuna. The good; I tried and tried and tried, till 1 day I just stopped, it was before my wife had a baby, I knew that I'm coming up with a hard time, but I bH I managed to pull through and from then on it's bH only history!
Now regarding my internet addiction; I'm very into the easypeasy method. I worked the book through-and-through for about 3-4 months, till I cut off for about 6 months ago until present bH. (Actually I felt a little weak 2 weeks ago so I started to go it over). I love the method, it's a very smart approach to addiction. The withdrawal pain is very minimal-next-to-nothing.
I can answer more questions about it if you wish - I'm a strong supporter of the easypeasy method, it worked for me so far, Hashem should help ferther. (And trust me: I was a heavy-heavy porn internet addict, I know!)
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22 Jan 2023 18:28
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looking for help
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Hello Guard, I read your posts pretty much alot, I like them and I know you understand the field pretty good, but this time I strongly disagree to your statement. I use to be addicted (rch"l) to mz"l for many years ago (about 18! years ago) in a crazy way, I bH managed to stop and wasn't mz"l all these years. However I became addicted to shmiras einayim (internet and on the street) also in a crazy way, I couldn't hold myself, I spent hours, days, weeks, months and years (  ) on this struggle - without acting out with M, so how can you say this is not an addiction?!
(BH the past 6 months - after learning about addiction here on GYE - I am clean with internet problems, and bH improving on the street, Hashem should help me further).
I'd love to hear your input on this - thanks
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22 Jan 2023 14:01
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climbing1
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Hi everyone! Me being an extremely shy person I was hesitating doing this but pushed myself anyway because I can use all the help I can get.
I guess my story is similar to a lot of us on here, found masturbation in my early teens, not even knowing what it is, just that it feels good. Started fantasizing about girls etc which is normal for teenage boys I guess but still totally assur. From there it went to porn and the addiction that comes with it and before long I couldn't stop. I developed fetishes and fantasies along the way and could never get out. Tried so many things but nothing seems to be working. Feel alone in my struggle and crushed for the person I became and for who I could have been had I said no a long time ago. Signed up to gye to be stop fighting alone and to reach out to fellow yidden for any help guidance chizzuk and tips you may want to share.
Thank you! Pm me for more details or to offer any advice.
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22 Jan 2023 07:50
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Eerie
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Hi, my friend! You are not alone, you came to the right place, right here on GYE you'll find brothers who can lend a hand and help you get out of this mess. If you are here, then you are already heading in the right direction! If you weren't looking to get better you would find a different pastime. So, we are here for you, we want to hear what your struggles are, stick around and you'll learn the way up from anywhere. keep posting my holy friend!
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21 Jan 2023 17:20
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the.guard
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Dear Yid, the fact you stare at other women and want them even though you have a pretty wife, doesn't make you a sex addict. Probably everyone on this site is struggling with looking at other women and fantasizing about them, especially after looking at porn many times - the brain begins to objectify women wherever you see them. But you would only be a sex addict if you are acting on these desires. Please share (without details) what your actual acting out looks like, and why you want to stop. Hopefully the chevra here can offer encouragement and advice, and the Flight to Freedom program can give you tools and a clear path out of this slavery to Pharaoh in Mitzrayim.
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20 Jan 2023 20:48
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Emes-a-Yid
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bmgporn wrote on 20 Jan 2023 14:40:
I am a sex addict!!!! I go to the grocerys and stare at girls. I want them!!!!!!!! My wife is cute but I still want other girls even if they are not nice.
Crazy stuff!!
What can be done?
Hey you are one from many, please be sensitive in the way you lable your subject and write your post, it may trigger people, I know you are here to try and solve the issue, which can work out just, please keep in mind on how you write something and publicize it, some may be triggered by it. But back to you... I envy on you reaching out. Keep it coming, you are a brave warrior to do so, I want you to achieve and accomplish which I think it will be able to be solved, BZ"H. Keep coming and posting we want to hear from you. Just please again avoid trigger words. Hatzlacha Rabah My dear chaver!
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20 Jan 2023 14:40
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bmgporn
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I am a sex addict!!!! I go to the grocerys and stare at girls. I want them!!!!!!!! My wife is cute but I still want other girls even if they are not nice.
Crazy stuff!!
What can be done?
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15 Jan 2023 19:08
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Vehkam
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I believe that last week was the hardest week for me since I have become clean. It started with a very vivid dream that I woke up from on Sunday morning. There was an intense feeling of pleasure that continued after I woke up. This was despite the fact that I did not ask for and intellectually I did not want this physical pleasure. Over the course of the week many recollections of pleasurable encounters kept coming into my head. I did my best to move on to think about other things but somehow these thoughts kept popping into my head at random times. I try to keep my schedule busy so as not to have time for such thoughts. In the past this together with focus on my passion to serve hashem was enough and I did not have to deal with recurring thoughts. On Wednesday I felt like I was really on the defensive. I have to admit that the yetzer hara was getting to me. For the past many months the idea of me giving in and acting out was not something I could possibly contemplate. After all, I suffered so much from my addiction and have gained enormously from stopping. Still the yetzer hara was throwing all sorts of physical fantasies at me and I could sense an ever slight change of resolve and focus. I know that the yetzer hara works slowly and deliberately. I didn’t want to allow this change in resolve to happen without a strong push back. I went on the offensive. I threw my passion into davening to hashem to help me in this fight. I added extra learning time. I also identified some of the factors that may have added to my weakness and will be on guard to make sure to the best of my ability to avoid those factors. With thanks to hashem I can say that things have calmed down. I appreciate being in touch with Eerie and his genuine concern each day. It was a hard week but I do believe it was a learning experience too and I am grateful for that. I am still learning Gemara with three boys each night and I hope to make a siyum with them on a small perek this week. I also am looking forward to the Daf Yomi siyum on nedarim. I may try to finish early and make a siyum this shabbos. One year ago I was just beginning my search for a therapist. I have to constantly remind myself on the one hand, how far I have come and in the other hand, not to take anything for granted. As always thanks to everyone here for being so supportive. Vehkam
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15 Jan 2023 08:18
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Eerie
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yud909 wrote on 15 Jan 2023 04:39:
excellence wrote on 14 Jan 2023 19:57:
Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 Jan 2023 12:29:
In reality there is no difference between 70 and 700.
Pls elaborate. I don't understand.
I think what HHM means (please correct me if I’m wrong) is that if you can go 70 days clean then you can go 700 days. Someone might be addicted but can go a week or two clean and then revert back to his old ways so he might convince himself that he needs this. Once you get to a certain point, for example 70 days, it’s quite obvious that you don’t need it. In the last 70 days I’ve gone through all my typical cycles of life. Boredom and busy, inspired and blah, happy and sad, good shalom bayis day and bad shalom bayis day, good day at work and bad, etc. And through it all I’ve been able to survive (thrive actually) without reverting to shmutz. So at this point there’s no reason why I can’t get to 700 days.
thats how I understood it at least
Beautifully said, my friend. I think that is what he meant. If I may add, I don't think I know all of what HHM meant, אין אדם עומד על דעת רבו עד ארבעים שנה, but I think he also meant that when you ease into realizing that this is the life that you choose to live you can come to the point of comfort of knowing that 90 days is a goal that will help a person change some of his inner landscape, relieve some of the pressure of addiction, but in reality each and every day is it's own goal. When we work with the 90 day goal, if we fall we view ourselves as losers, we have nothing to show for our efforts. In reality, each and every minute is its own goal! We have to internalize that these struggles are a part of life, and even if we fall that does not take one iota away of whatever we have accomplished, those days that were clean are still ours. Especially like in you case, when a 70+ days have gone by, you've had ups and downs, and your here! BH! Now, this is life. Remain vigilant, don't become complacent, but know that you are now living life, in a healthy way, the correct way, and keep on trucking, one day at a time! Waiting for the update at 7000 days!
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15 Jan 2023 04:42
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afcf
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831021 - The escapisim
Toda Raba Aa because You have been helping me to overcome my addictive thinking, to build my self esteem, to cry out to Your merciful being, to understand that I am not saved by my own strength but by Your etrernal mercy and your helpful hand, as is said:
Tehilim 127:1
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.
Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain on it;
unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchman keeps vigil in vain.
Psalms 127:1 with Connections (sefaria.org)
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15 Jan 2023 04:39
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yud909
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excellence wrote on 14 Jan 2023 19:57:
Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 Jan 2023 12:29:
In reality there is no difference between 70 and 700.
Pls elaborate. I don't understand.
I think what HHM means (please correct me if I’m wrong) is that if you can go 70 days clean then you can go 700 days. Someone might be addicted but can go a week or two clean and then revert back to his old ways so he might convince himself that he needs this. Once you get to a certain point, for example 70 days, it’s quite obvious that you don’t need it. In the last 70 days I’ve gone through all my typical cycles of life. Boredom and busy, inspired and blah, happy and sad, good shalom bayis day and bad shalom bayis day, good day at work and bad, etc. And through it all I’ve been able to survive (thrive actually) without reverting to shmutz. So at this point there’s no reason why I can’t get to 700 days.
thats how I understood it at least
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13 Jan 2023 19:43
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Emes-a-Yid
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5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 10 Jan 2023 20:44:
guardmyeyes1606 wrote on 10 Jan 2023 19:22:
I am really struggling to understand how masturbation, which in my experience (and many many many others seemingly from this forum), is absolutely irresistible at all stages of life, can be so seriously frowned on my halacha?
More than that, it seems to be a completely normal and healthy part of life, particularly as a boy is growing up and hitting puberty.
So how can it be so ossur? Does anyone in the world actually not do this?
Hi. I had this thought cross through my head so many times over approximately the 5 year period from when I first learned that masturbation is prohibited by halacha to when I finally had success on quitting nearly 500 days ago, Baruch Hashem.
The short answer is that in the midst of addiction to lust, which is what leads most people to be unable to live without masturbating, it is nearly impossible to imagine how you can live without masturbating. I know this because I clearly remember thinking to myself that I would never be able to live without masturbating back when I was in the midst of addiction. Your question makes a lot of sense from where you are.
If you:
1. Do not look at any sexually stimulating imagery, no matter what.
2. Move your mind on from sexually stimulating fantasies to other thoughts and activities.
3. Are willing to suffer the physical pains of withdrawal,
you will be able to stop masturbating. The reason people masturbate is because they lust and fantasize. If you get to the point where you recognize this, and then abandon all activities that lead to further fantasizing, you will stop masturbating. I never once masturbated without fantasizing. Ever. If you move on from fantasy and lust, you won't masturbate.
Reflect on this over and over: If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate.
That's the answer to your question. What holds people back is that they aren't honest with themselves about this and they aren't willing to endure the pain of withdrawal. It's really that simple. The hard work is doing it. And trust me, it's hard to abandon fantasy. But oh is it worth it to not be a slave to taivos! I am finally a free man. I have never felt better in my whole life. NOTHING beats the joy of being in control of your desires, once you experience that joy.
NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE WHAT UR SAYING, RELATABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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13 Jan 2023 05:09
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iLoveHashem247
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Feel like I’m slipping guys
we have a hole in the ceiling between guest room shower and boiler room. Sister in law is visiting and i came so very close to stumbling and sneaking a video… I was standing on top of the boiler when shower turned off. Hashem really protected me but I feel like I’m losing control. This is also the first time in my marriage I’m experiencing niddah without being addicted to something. It’s like I’m learning how to navigate this part of the relationship for the first time without being high, lusting, or infatuated….
Blarbghghnvdbsbsjxhdbsisbsb!!!!!!
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