Hi my holy friend! Yes, you are holy because you are here, if you weren't looking to do the right thing you'd find other things to do. You are amazing that even though by nature you have a hard time opening, but open you did, because you want to do what's right. You came to the right address my friend! Here we are brothers, we care about you, we want to hear from you, and we want to see you succeed. You wrote it so well, when you are here you are not fighting alone, the loneliness is in itself terrible and debilitating. So welcome, look around, there are many tools to learn, specifically in the f2f program, which you can access from the dashboard. Here on the forum there is much to learn, by me the greatest game changer was reaching out and talking to someone who understood me, supported me, directed me. When you are holding there you can PM me, I'll give you ideas. Keep posting my friend, tell us more about yourself and your struggles! And of course, keep trucking!