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04 Aug 2023 19:23
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ally
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Does anyone know if there is a Guideline-Book for all Halochos and help, for Shabbos and more, for when you are in a Non-Jewish Addiction Rehab?
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04 Aug 2023 17:24
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chaimoigen
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remaininganonymous26 wrote on 03 Aug 2023 22:41:
B'H I am going along well in my journey, and hopefully next week I will hit day 30!
If I can ask everyone for some advice- recently, since I have been more careful with guarding my eyes on the computer, I noticed that watching my eyes on the street has been more difficult. Even when I don't take a "second look," I have short fantasies. Usually, I can stop them quickly, but I still feel guilty. This is probably normal for what I am going through, but does anyone have any advice or chizuk? Thank you!
Mazal Tov on being close to a special milestone of 30! Chazak ViAmatz, that is major!
Many people here have written about experiencing the same thing. we become so much more sensitive to inadvertent exposures, and they trigger us more. It seems to be a sign that you are on the right path!! It will get easier, imyH.
The simple explanation, I think, is that you are becoming more sensitive to what you see. After denying yourself the kind of exposure online that you had become accustomed to, your brain is feeling ( temporarily) a greater urge to get the dopamine rush it had become accustomed to. Withdrawal. And as you work and focus on not giving in, on avoiding those experiences, you will experience greater sensitivity to them. They mean more, and have a lot associated with the experience.
On a deeper level -
A rebbe of mine once told me a very profound thought in the name of one of the great Mashgichim:
"If you squeeze the top of a balloon, the top gets smaller, but the bottom will swell up bigger. The trick is to undo the knot and let a little air out of the balloon at a time. [But not enough that it flies out of your hand and zooms around the room like crazy- my addition]"
When we have developed a desire and need for a negative experience, merely stopping the negative actions will not yet suffice to effect the internal and complete change we are working towards. So internally we still want it, and that drive may come out in a different place.
Merely holding off and counting days doesn't necessarily do it.
We need to figure out how to "let the air out of the balloon". To make change!
There was a great post from Dov and Cordnoy about this a while ago
see here
Not sure if I can paste it right
The first part is Dov
Second is cordnoy, I think.
My comment about how I understood it is last
chaimoigen wrote on 30 Jun 2023 13:16:
'Holding our breath' is a totally different experience than recovery offers. This story illustrates what 'holding breath' is:
The Steipler zt"l was once on guard duty in the Russian or Polish army on Shabbos - and his coat was in a tree, so it would be assur for him to take it down and use it! He decided to stay in place the entire shift without his coat. But it was terribly cold and driving him nuts. How could he stay put?!
He told himself that he could withstand the cold for just a minute (or hour?)...and he did! When that minute was over, he told himself that he just proved that he can tolerate the bitter cold for just a minute. So here before him is: a minute! He then waited a(nother) minute. When it was over, he thought: here before me is another one of those minute-thingies. I can definitely hang on just a minute! So he held on, and tolerated the cold for just a minute.
Etc, etc, and the entire night passed! Amazing. Beautiful.
AND THAT IS NOT AT ALL WHAT 'ONE DAY AT A TIME', MEANS! For what the Steipler did was a gimmick. A mind game. And it worked for him, for one night or day...it may work for more than one day - it may even work for a lifetime, who knows? And if I could stay sober that way for a lifetime, I would probably not take it. It would be gehinnom, would keep me good-and-miserable/crazy, and would generally...suck. I would surely eventually run to lust again just to get out of such a stupid (but kosher!) life. Yup.
But: the Steipler could not have actually held his breath all night using this gimmick. Correct? After a few minutes (about 2-3), a human knows he must breathe, period. So what would you do if someone told you he would give you a million (yep, a million!) bucks if you held your breath for two hours? Would you breath deeply and go give it a try? Silly, of course not. Why suffer for no reason and nothing in the end, anyway?
People who are not sincerely giving up lust for today are just sitting ducks. They are just holding their breath and 'holding back' one day at a time. It does not work. Eventually they will have to breathe. And Hashem knows this. It is a twisting of the meaning of 'one day at a time'.
I know they will say 'vatishlach es amosoh - she sent forth her arm' and all the sweet, encouraging droshos on that. But for an addict, it just does not work here! And in the meantime, the marriage and family are brutalized. Yuch.
[A nasty little digression :pinch:
When B'nei Yisroel (on Rosh chodesh Nissan) went to take the korban Pesach (in four more days!) Hashem writes: "
[i]The point is clear and resonates deeply. I had never "gotten" it before.
Where were we? It's truly amazin' that my conversation with Dov today and one we had ten years ago are so similar. Read the follow up posts as well.
End of the nasty little digression.  ]
But I doubt that such things will work for most people in the long run - and certainly not for addicts. For when the day comes that they desire it again as strong as ever, they will be 100% convinced again that they can't live without it, period. Back to square one. But surrender one day at a time really does work for alcoholics and others, all over the world.
Surprise!
There is one exception to this idea, and it is an important qualification: There are surely some who do the TapHsiC, or 90-day wall thingy, or counting the days, etc...holding their breath all the way - and it works! Because they did experience abstinence from their prize, after all, and did not die. Amazingly, their penises did not fall off. And abstinence sometimes makes it clear to the person that he does not, in fact, really need it at all!
Therefore, only giving it up in our hearts one day at a time is useful and bears fruit, and that is the 12 step program way - not resisting 'one day at a time'. Get it?
I believe this is true for most ppl who take lots of half-measures and just 'fight it' (but see the exception below).
Sadly, the converse is also true. We all know in our hearts that we cannot hold our breath forever. So, as inspired as we may be to hold our breath and resist getting that sweet orgasm/fantasy/porn joy we need...we are full-aware that we are eventually gonna pop. We have not given it up at all, see it as an eventual necessity, and a masculine right. The only guarantee, then, is that we will need to act out when the maximum tolerance of # days clean is reached. So it is almost as though they are already masturbating, in some respect. By the Korban pesach it means they are given over to G-d and committed to doing His Will - and by lust, it means they are given over to lust and committed to doing nothing real about stopping. So what's the use? May Hashem save me from making this mistake and being in that category, one day at a time.
And Bn"Y went and did as Moshe commanded them." Rashi brings that they went with the intention, knowing that come the 10th of Nissan, they'd take the goat/lamb, and come the 14th, they'd shecht it, etc. In their hearts, it was a done deal. So from right then, Hashem says He considers it that they already did it all!.
Thank you, This point is very clear and responates deeply.
I have never "gotten this" before. I have always only appreciated the value of reducing the struggle to "not today", on a superficial level. Therefore the idea has never fully resonated with me as a fundamental method of healing in and of itself. Because I have always felt that change can't just be about pure behaviour, it also has to be about actually changing. Becoming different. Replacing the hole in your heart and the things that fill it with changes that matter - with new awareness, a new path, new ways of feeling filled and fulfilled, new awareness of Hashem, purpose, etc, etc. So pushing off the fall for a day, and then another, doesn't really create healing, as Dov is saying. That's why I never loved the idea. [The nasty digression is spot-on, and hurts.]
Now I think I understand the idea much better. "One Day At A Time" is about real change. But I can reduce the genuine change necessary into day-sized segments. Then it is so much easier to do the work. I can really want to change, to be different, at least for today. If those real changes are being made for today, for now, I can hold on to them. I will then deal tomorrow with holding on to the changes, tomorrow, I will work on being different tomorrow, tomorrow.
I feel the truth in this, I think {and there are divrei Chazal that reflect it} . Thank you
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04 Aug 2023 17:09
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hashemlovesyou123
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Hi everyone,
I wanted to give an update about where I'm holding and some conclusions I've come to recently. It has been quite a struggle the past few weeks.
Being home during Bein Hazmanim with no real schedule or structure to my day leaves me with a lot of free time and boredom. Additionally, I've been pretty stressed recently about a lot of decisions regarding yeshiva that has made me feel pretty overwhelmed. This led me to cope with these feelings by going to my comfortable solution that has always been there to numb my feelings: PMO. A lot of times I felt guilty, but then other times I didn't really feel anything at all. It is those times that actually make me feel the worst because I feel that I have become so used to this garbage that it doesn't affect me at all. It has become muttar to me. This made me realize just how big of an issue this has become, how routine my actions are, how dependent I am on getting my fix and giving in to my desires. I finally realized that I am sick; I am an addict. It is hard to admit, but I think it is a crucial step in working towards recovery. I am starting to accept myself for who I am- not a rasha, but someone who has fallen victim to the disgusting modern culture and pornography industry. I am normal. Everyone has Taavos. I have just been placed in an exceedingly difficult situation that most BH don't have to face.
I've been reading the Battle of the Generation little and reading through a lot of the posts here and my entire mindset on this struggle has changed. I no longer view it as a burden or an insurmountable obstacle but an opportunity to reach greatness. Through these difficulties, I can become so much closer to HKB"H than I ever was before. Every step I take in the right direction is a victory against the Yetzer Hara. I now see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am starting to believe I can finally break free.
I have realized that a lot of times my issue is a lack of motivation. Objectively I know it is wrong and the countless negative affects this has on my psychological, physical, social, and spiritual wellbeing. I know where this could lead to if I don;t fix this problem now. A lot of times I get very inspired and excited about the opportunity to win this battle. HOwever, a lot of times in the mooment it is difficult to stay focused on my goals and values. I feel that If I could just stay motivated at all times, I could be Matzliyach. Does anyone have any tips on how to stay focused and motivated? Any other tips or comments are welcome and appreciated.
I wanted to express deep Hakaras Hatov to everyone on this site for creating such a wonderful community of real avdei Hashem who are striving to reach great levels of Kedusha. I have realized I am not alone and I benefit greatly from chatting and reading the forum. If anyone is ever available to speak I am available and eager to make connections. I hope to continue posting and updating my story.
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03 Aug 2023 13:54
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DavidT
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The Gemara in Kidushin 81/a tells a story: Some women who had been taken captive were redeemed and brought to Nehardai. They were kept in the attic of Rav Amram the Chasid and the ladder was removed. At night, a beam of light reflected off one of the women, revealing her beauty. Rav Amram was seized with lust and he moved the ladder (which normally needs 10 people to move it) to ascend. As he was halfway up, he screamed "There is a fire in Rav Amram's house!" and the Rabanan flocked to his house. After they saw that there was no fire they said to him "You embarrassed us (with your behavior)!", answered Rav Amram: "It is better to suffer embarrassment in this world than in the next". Rav Amram put an oath on his evil inclination forcing it to leave him, and a pillar of fire left him. Now that's an inspiring story! There’s so much we can learn from it.
Perhaps the most important lesson we can learn from this story is the power of letting other people know about your struggles. One of the deepest problems with the addiction, is the aspect of secrecy that surrounds it. As long as a person says to themselves "no one knows anyway", it is very hard to even begin the journey to recovery. We need to open up to someone and tell them about our struggles. We need to shout "There's a fire!! a fire in my heart!! help me put it out!" ... Once people know, we can find the strength like Rav Amram did, to stop ourselves from falling even in the most difficult tests. The shame we feel in telling it over is a tremendous Kapparah on our past sins, and a strong prevention against future sins. And remember, it is much better to suffer embarrassment in this world than in the next. And that is why group support is so important. Firstly, in group support we receive the support from others that we so desperately need. Secondly, we get to see how there are others even worse off than we are, and we can actually give them support (which in turn, strengthens us). And thirdly, we get to see how people, who were exactly in our situation - or even worse, have achieved sobriety and are well on their way to recovery! These are all very important features of group support. But perhaps the most important aspect of group support is that by opening up to others and staying in touch with them while we heal, we begin to finally feel accountability! An addict must internalize this truth, that it is the secrecy and hiding and lying that we've been doing for years that makes it so hard for us to begin the journey to recovery.
If you can't join the group (or even if you can), it is also very helpful to have someone close to you - or someone you respect, that you will be totally open with about this on a steady basis . No secrets, only the real truth. This is a very powerful tool - and a necessary one - for anyone serious about breaking free. The holy Sefer Noam Elimelech also speaks about what a powerful tool it is in breaking the strength of the Yetzer Hara if someone has a close friend that they tell about their struggles with the Yetzer Hara.
May Hashem be with us all on our journey!
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03 Aug 2023 13:17
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Shteeble
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The brain pushes us toward our habit when we encounter the point of too much stress.
Fighting with the brain is difficult, but maybe we don't need to.
There is a theory that we will not need to fight the brain, if we can simply replace the bad habit with a better habit.
Then, when the brain encounters too much stress, the brain will just push the better habit.
If you or an addict you know has had any success replacing their MO habit with a "better" habit, or if you think you have a better habit in mind that has a really good chance of working, please post your "better habit" idea.
I'm not looking for a laundry list of hobbies. I'm looking for the habit that is proven (or almost proven) to be an effective replacement to lust in a moment of high stress.
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02 Aug 2023 23:28
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Jeff098
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DavidT wrote on 02 Aug 2023 14:21:
Hi Jeff098 - welcome to GYE
Your life story is amazing and as you see from the other members - there is light at at he end of the tunnel.
You've mentioned how difficult it's for you to STOP and that there are more things that you didn't share.
Let's look a bit deeper and see if you're possibly suffering from an illness called addiction.
(if yes, there are great options for help that has worked for many... we'll discuss)
How would you answer to the questions below:
Obsessive Fantasy and Preoccupation:
Do you spend hours, sometimes even days, fantasizing about it, planning for it, pursuing it, and engaging in it?
Loss of Control:
Do you lose control over your ability to not engage in lustful fantasies and behaviors.
Do you try to quit or cut back, making promises to yourself and others, but repeatedly fail in these efforts?
Do you manage sometimes to control your behavior for a few days or weeks, but before we know it, you're back at it?
Negative Consequences:
Do you experience any problems for these behaviors, such as job loss, trouble in school, financial woes, ruined relationships, declining physical and/or emotional health, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, loss of time, loss of social standing, shame, isolation, arrest, etc?
Tolerance and Escalation:
Do you find yourself engaging in lustful behaviors that hadn’t occurred to you early in the addictive process?
Do you act out in ways that violate your personal moral code, spiritual beliefs, and sometimes even the law?
Withdrawal:
When you do go into withdrawal (stop acting out for a while) do you tend to become either depressed, or restless, irritable, and discontent?
Denial:
Are you out of touch with the process, costs, and reality of your addiction?
Do you routinely ignore the kinds of warning signs that would be obvious to a healthier person?
Do you externalize blame for the consequences of his lustful acting out?
Are you either unable or unwilling to see the destructive effects wrought by the behavior?
I believe yes to all besides the denial part
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02 Aug 2023 16:48
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chaimoigen
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Hey Friend,
I’m going to just add my small “amen” to much of what has been said here.
Thank God you’re here.
There are pathways forward, there is genuine hope, no matter how difficult your challenges.
I’ll add my voice to chorus talking about the incredible value of connection. There are terrific people here who have a lot of experience, wisdom and knowledge and they can offer you advice, guidance, and encouragement.
Genuine change happens gradually. So many here are suffering from decades of bad choices or even serious addiction (DavidTs post is incredibly important) and yet have made tremendous positive change. No matter what, there is so much that you can do.
You no longer have to struggle lonely and alone. There’s hopefulness.
Take a warm hand, from a fellow sufferer. You’ll make it!
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02 Aug 2023 14:21
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DavidT
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Hi Jeff098 - welcome to GYE
Your life story is amazing and as you see from the other members - there is light at at he end of the tunnel.
You've mentioned how difficult it's for you to STOP and that there are more things that you didn't share.
Let's look a bit deeper and see if you're possibly suffering from an illness called addiction.
(if yes, there are great options for help that has worked for many... we'll discuss)
How would you answer to the questions below:
Obsessive Fantasy and Preoccupation:
Do you spend hours, sometimes even days, fantasizing about it, planning for it, pursuing it, and engaging in it?
Loss of Control:
Do you lose control over your ability to not engage in lustful fantasies and behaviors.
Do you try to quit or cut back, making promises to yourself and others, but repeatedly fail in these efforts?
Do you manage sometimes to control your behavior for a few days or weeks, but before we know it, you're back at it?
Negative Consequences:
Do you experience any problems for these behaviors, such as job loss, trouble in school, financial woes, ruined relationships, declining physical and/or emotional health, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, loss of time, loss of social standing, shame, isolation, arrest, etc?
Tolerance and Escalation:
Do you find yourself engaging in lustful behaviors that hadn’t occurred to you early in the addictive process?
Do you act out in ways that violate your personal moral code, spiritual beliefs, and sometimes even the law?
Withdrawal:
When you do go into withdrawal (stop acting out for a while) do you tend to become either depressed, or restless, irritable, and discontent?
Denial:
Are you out of touch with the process, costs, and reality of your addiction?
Do you routinely ignore the kinds of warning signs that would be obvious to a healthier person?
Do you externalize blame for the consequences of his lustful acting out?
Are you either unable or unwilling to see the destructive effects wrought by the behavior?
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01 Aug 2023 06:09
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shmira101
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Hi and welcome to the greatest group of growing people that Hashem has placed on his beautiful planet!
First of all, just a shout out for joining, that is the first step in the right direction!
Second, in my humble opinion, (and I believe it is shared by most on this forum) this struggle has absolutely no relation to G-D, regarding the aspect of addiction. Meaning many wholesome and wonderful individuals who are only looking for a close relationship with Hashem in every aspect of their lives are still struggling with this. (Not to say that Kedusha and Taharah are irrelevant Ch”V, but they don’t take the front role in dealing with the issue.)
And third of all, please don’t accept that “it is what it is”, Hashem created the power of rejection just for this thought process! To reject the the feeling of accepting everything as is. Instead of acceptance, use rejection to believe in yourself and your ability to grow and change for the better!
You can do it together with all of us fighting together! Hatzlochah!
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31 Jul 2023 19:12
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Shteeble
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ZemirosShabbos wrote on 03 Jan 2011 16:06:
saw two signs recently which seemed to be 'talking' to me. one said "Stressed? try kickboxing!" and one said "Forget love, try Lust!". before you throw dead possums at me let me explain what i mean. stress and discontent (among other things) are what drive us to seek out our preferred drug, be it porn or mastubation or whatnot. when those little voices go off in my head saying, "oh, poor me, i did/did not get this or the other thing and i really need it, the wife/boss/friend made a funny-face at me/insulted me, i have too little money/time/kids/cars/houses/ears whatever... why not go for some relaxation and get some much deserved pleasure..." that is the voice of addiction, the voice of the yetzer hara, whatever you prefer to call it. trying to sell me a medication that guarantees that i will never finish the prescription, with life-long refills. lusting will not make me happy, relaxed or feel accomplished. it will destroy my spark of life and turn me into a shell. a spent shell. it will destroy my connection to Hashem, my wife, my kids, my friends and last but not least, to GYE  . so if i feel stressed, i at least am aware of the fact and know that i need to keep safe and not vent by taking poison. some may prefer kickboxing. some may prefer jogging, origami, or making some new cholint recipe. and the poor misguided soul who put on that bumper sticker promoting lust did us all a service by showing that love and lust are two distinct items. love gives life, rejuvenates, renews, attaches, connects and leaves you feeling 'good'. lust destroys, uses, empties, disconnects and leaves you feeling like a used pizza box. so if anyone reading this is the guy who had the lust bumper-sticker or the kickboxing ad, here is my official hat-tip, shkoyach!
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31 Jul 2023 12:23
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Shteeble
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Shteeble wrote on 22 Feb 2017 04:34:
#76
Ihavenostrength wrote on 21 Feb 2017 20:11:
Day 11: Ever felt like you needed to release the tension that has been building within you? The longer you've been holding out the more urgent it seems?
I used to think this was a build up of sexual tension (energy) and if you weren't going to release it through "acting out" you had to find another way to "let it out", if you wanted to stay sane.
I now think that's a mistake.
There's a build up of tension all right. It's a neutral tension though. It's created from your worries, your stresses and the bumps you hit in your everyday life.
There's nothing sexual about it.
"Acting out" just happens to be a really easy way to release it (and did I mention affordable? Ok don't shoot me, only joking).
Why does this matter?
Well firstly, I never so it did, so there!
I think it does matter a bit though.
For if you feel stressed, feel like you need a release and you recognize that the uncomfortability that you are experiencing has nothing to do with refraining from acting out, it takes away alot of excuses. It shoots just one more arrow into the "I need to" illusion.
Exercising or singing for the addict (I'm not using this word in the clinical sense, just using it for someone who finds it hard not to engage in PMO) are not like soymilk to a non-lactose person. It's not like animal blood for a vampire.(Vampires prefer human blood, they also don't exist).
Other stress releasers are just as "genuine" as acting out. They require a bit more effort but are more effective as well.
If you managed to read all that, then you are totally awesome.
Have a great day!
Shteeble wrote on 22 Feb 2017 04:40:
I think you're on to something big here.
I always thought it WAS a buildup of sexual tension...
But you make a strong point.
Can you please continue this train of thought?
Also, I got lost on the Exercising, singing, vampire thing. What was meant in that paragraph? Thanks.
Ihavenostrength wrote on 22 Feb 2017 05:17:
Sure. I think it's a point which we all know to be true but yet aren't fully cognizant of.
The basic idea is as follows: an alcoholic uses alcohol to deal with the stresses of day to day life. Alcohol is not necessarily the best way (a.k.a most effective method) to release stress. It's merely the method the alcoholic knows. He LEARNT it.
When he has an overwhelming urge to reach for the bottle it's not to release tension that built up as a result of not drinking.
Thr truth is that this argument is perhaps even stronger for a sex addict which a "behavioral" rather than a "substance" addiction.
By the alcoholic it can be argued that it's discomfort resulting from his dependency that he's feeling.
Although in truth I don't think any thinking person believes that dependency is the whole story. Surely, the primary reason the alcoholic drinks is to escape the (sometimes harsh) realities of life.
The exercise and vampire paragraph was just bringing this point home. Vampires prefer human blood. Animal blood is a bad alternative for them. It doesn't really quench their thirst.
I was saying that good habits and good stress releasers for the sex addict are not like the animal blood for the vampire.
They are equally legitimate. Good habits like exercising or building connections with people don't just "quiet the need" to lust.
There is no need to lust.
There IS a need not to feel like garbage or ridiculously and constantly stressed. The only way the sex addict knows to feel good or release stress is through lusting.
He LEARNT it. So now he needs to learn new methods.
I think this may be quite powerful for some. For if you see "acting out" as the natural way to fight stress, no wonder you'll feel triggered when things are going tough.
There doesn't have to be a connection between stress and lust. You just taught yourself that there is one.
Peace
Hope that was somewhat clear.
Thank you again, Ihavestrength, for this important message.
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30 Jul 2023 19:45
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Shteeble
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an honest mouse wrote on 27 Apr 2010 12:51:
a random assortment of my thoughts: Since I've joined GYE bH, I bounce back a lot quicker than I used to after a fall, Im able to treat it as a passing glich in the overall trend rather than the overall trend. I am by nature an anxious worrying type and since joining Ive been much calmer and more relaxed. Ive started to accept that it is a lifelong journey of progression and Im not going to recover from one day to the next, which in turn helps me to get back up after a fall and keep going. My last few falls started when I was alone with nothing to occupy me, on the computer in college, driving around by myself (the streets in the summer...) or frustrated that my wife is having trouble becoming tehora. My therapist (who is a rabbi and was trained in addictions by rabbi abraham j twerski) told me about about a book of rabbi twerskis where he says that a lot of addictions are caused by a lack of spirituality - he calls it spirituality deficiency syndrome. My last good runs (36 & 21 clean days) were from selichos through succos & pesach and he reckons that Im craving spiritual highs and turn to lust when theres a void. He suggested to think of ways to increase my 'jewish highs'. Im not enjoying my night seder (im in law school during the day) and as its my only proper seder its very frustrating that its not fulfilling so Im gonna think about changing that around. He also suggested appreciating life, taking 10 minutes a day to appreciate the sunset or trees or colours in the sky or something to make it real - if you've got something real that your enjoying, it keeps you further away from fantasy. When I have a productive day Im much calmer and in control, if Im not productive i suppose i get restless and frustrated which makes me more susceptible. summary (sort of..) when Im spiritually fulfilled, productive & occupied im ok, but there are gonna be times that im alone, bored depressed, frustrated, unoccupied and spiritually low and I have to think of ways to protect myself then. if anyone is still reading after that monologue - you deserve a medal !! thanks for listening and any thoughts, suggestions, advice would be really welcome and encouraged - have a great day !
Spirituality Deficiency Syndrome...
Is this the cause of my addiction?
I wonder.
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28 Jul 2023 06:38
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yitzchokm
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In the past, when I looked things up on the internet I was exposed to improper images and when I saw it was getting out of hand I made a few kabalos that kept me out of most of the trouble.
1. Don't look up anything out of curiosity, meaning that I have to have targeted constructive information I am looking for before going onto the internet. ("Don't look up something recreational" might be the right substitute for some people).
2. Don't go into news sites except for Hamodia.com. (Everyone can adjust this to what they see is right for them).
3. Don't go into social websites.
4. If a site has Google ads go out immediately and don't return. (This effectively blocked me from most of Youtube because I couldn't usually predict which videos won't have Google ads. This might not work for someone who is more familiar with Youtube and can predict this or someone who has a subscription).
I have a sign with these rules hanging in the room where I usually use my computer. Everyone can keep records of their own rules somewhere and do the same thing.
This may sound like a high call but if not for this it would have only been a matter of time until I would have discovered porn. I am grateful to Hashem that this never happened. I can't overstate how lucky I am.
A year later I got a Techloq filter which effectively blocked most of the pitfalls and I highly recommend this filter.
By the way, Google leans towards improper culture and it naturally shifts in that direction but over time Google learned something from my previous searches, which websites I went into and what I did there. It still tries to push in the wrong direction but only slightly. What it needs is consistency and insisting on what I am willing to go into. Today I have a lot of control over Google. I don't think this could have been accomplished without a Techloq filter.
I have my own challenges but I can't teach much to people who were exposed to porn or have real addictions. I am humbled by their courage and I have a lot to learn from them.
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25 Jul 2023 15:14
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redfaced
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hihello123 wrote on 25 Jul 2023 14:52:
I have been addicted to masturbating (no porn). I cant get married if i cant b in control of myself. The goal was to try and control myself.Tbh ive always though that i cant control myself. Bh i went 12 days!!! for me its hard not to think abt sex, whether thats wat im used to thinking about wen im bored, or i see s.t that turns me on and i think abt it then or later. But, During these 12 days my mind wasnt any cleaner. The way i was set up, My fall was inevitable. Since this is wat i was constantly thinking abt, i wld often b in a urge situation. Usually i wld ignore it, ovcasionally i wld touch down there. , i was feeling upset and stressed from waking up late. I started thinking abt sex and b4 ik it i was touching down there. I did t rlly even mean masturbate but it just happened so quick. The takeaway i have from this is that i cld control myself from masturbation. These 12 days were the longest ive ever gone and i consider it a major accomplishment. If i were to try this again, i wld need to have a plan on how to react when thougts pop into my head.....any ideas? Thx all for ur help
Congratulations on your milestone!
The fact that you KNOW you can control yourself is something that is invaluable.
Check out F2F for all kinds of tips you can use to help you on this journey
Use that knowledge to push yourself even further . You'll see you can do it!
As a side point the name of the thread shouldnt be "I fell " it should be "I got back up" !!!
KOT
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25 Jul 2023 14:52
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hihello123
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I have been addicted to masturbating (no porn). I cant get married if i cant b in control of myself. The goal was to try and control myself.Tbh ive always though that i cant control myself. Bh i went 12 days!!! for me its hard not to think abt sex, whether thats wat im used to thinking about wen im bored, or i see s.t that turns me on and i think abt it then or later. But, During these 12 days my mind wasnt any cleaner. The way i was set up, My fall was inevitable. Since this is wat i was constantly thinking abt, i wld often b in a urge situation. Usually i wld ignore it, ovcasionally i wld touch down there. , i was feeling upset and stressed from waking up late. I started thinking abt sex and b4 ik it i was touching down there. I did t rlly even mean masturbate but it just happened so quick. The takeaway i have from this is that i cld control myself from masturbation. These 12 days were the longest ive ever gone and i consider it a major accomplishment. If i were to try this again, i wld need to have a plan on how to react when thougts pop into my head.....any ideas? Thx all for ur help
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