Wow! Amazing! 
My dearest newest brother, welcome to THE most amazing family on earth! You sound like a truly wonderful person, who has done much to grow in this area, and beH we look forward to watching you soar! Keep posting, keep us posted, and keep on trucking!

jewizard21 wrote on 01 Jun 2025 14:28:

You are a huge inspiration Brother!

I had a huge win imho on Friday.

Was in that lucid conscious state just before waking up and I noticed my brain was fantasizing. I only notice what was happening because this has happened before and before it became a full wet dream I somehow pulled back and woke up.
I am really not sure how I did this but Baruch Hashem I did because I remember how I felt the last time it happened, and the knowledge that I pulled back gave me a lot of chizuk!

Baruch Hashem my current situation in life is going amazing and I sometimes can't even believe all that I have accomplished and sometimes have to step back and realize all the amazing things that I am fortunate to have right now.

Have a wonderful Yom Tov!!

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

(I just checked and today is apparently day 412 no masturbation and day 517 no porn)

This is unbelievably valuable insight!! 
recognizing those patterns of thought, and realizing that you do have a choice- this is invaluable growth! 
Change is sweet. The courage to do so is sweeter! 

Keep on trucking, Chaver! 

Here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim Oigen 

p.s.  Tonight the רבש״ע said that we should be a Mamaleches Kohanim and a goy Kadosh. Why a Mamleches? Because it takes Malchus to become so. And your self-aware control is the Midda of MALCHUS!!

“BRIGHT” You Found Light At The End Of The Tunnel

WOW!

My heart goes out to you.
Yes there are professionals that can help.
I’m happy you found.
And yes it’s something many Rabbis and Therapist may not be equipped to deal with.

KEEP ON TRUCKING - FULL STEAM AHEAD

    Remember that sexuality/sex is inherently a kadosh thing and just as in anything that kedusha can get corrupted. 
    Sex is not tumah in of itself, when in marriage with the proper mindset it is one of the most kadosh things in this world.

    Also the plessure of being clean and in control of our mind is longer lasting and more beneficial than anything lust can give us. 

    Lust is usually an escape from emotions and it only distances ourselves from truly feeling ourselves and for others.

You cant climb a mountain by jumping to the top, it takes each step one at a time to get there. Step 90 doesn't happen without any of the steps from 1-89 and step 30 doesn't happen without 1-29, so take each step one at a time and know that with each step you are climbing mountains.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

    I have so much going on right now that I feel as if im just struggling to stay afloat. Baruch Hashem I am almost through this tekufa but it will come around again.
     Been burnt out for a long while and hope the summer can rejuvenate me. Had very low motivation yesterday but I've forced myself through and Baruch Hashem after mariv I got great news that helped boost me a bit. 
    I just want a break and have to push another day to get there. Even though its almost over I still am struggling. My brain just wants to lower its gaurd and look at women but I have Baruch Hashem kept myself in check for the most part even though it ain't easy.
    
Does anyone have any great questions to ask ones self before marriage and any direction on how to answer them. I am trying to prepare for shidduchim which also is hard during this time but I am actually motivated to work on it now.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

lamaazavtuni wrote on 07 May 2025 22:18:

keep on trucking in your own truck

    Had a really bad day today. I feel like it's gonna get worse even though it's already night. Tons of things just not going my way.

Baruch Hashem I am doing good overall and tomorrow will be another day, hopefully better. I am actually surprised at how I am reacting in a positive light even though my body feels so drained and negative. 

I have too many good things in life to be bitter, i just hope there's a reason for today happening like it did bc all I can tell is that it was just a test from Hashem to see how I would react.

Keep on Trucking, One DayAt A Time!!

There's a beautiful pleasure of not being bogged down by terrible thoughts all the time. By terrible thoughts I mean all the above, fantasy, feeling like we're frauds,....

The basic "pleasure" of porn and masturbation is actually harming us on a mental level. We drown out certain emotions without actually dealing with them. This causes a few problems but the main 2 are that our emotions were never dealt with, so they are still there and on top of that there is the feelings from after a fall which we are all accustomed to unfortunately. Also since we just try to drown out our emotions we never developed the real healthy tools to cope when things get tuff.

Theres more benafit to stopping than just spiritual.
One of my main motivators is that I am staying clean for my future wife and family. How can we go into a marriage when we are unfaithful and not dedicated to her souly, which is what she deserves because she is giving us her upmost trust, and if we do this it is a complete lack of trust and corrupts what marriage is.

Very important question to ask is, what is sexuality in a jewosh perspective?
the answer is that it is the holliest thing of a person.
I please ask you if you havent already to start changing your view about women, marriage, and sex.
Reach out to HHM but if you ddon't feel comfortable doing that yet, asl on the forums or even use the chat feature for some more privacy.

Here's a long post i made about these subjets recently:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412126-Jewizard21s-Journey?limit=15&start=135#434605

Doing this may not give you instant results with marriage and a job, but I gaurentee that when those things do come they will be way more meaningful and fulfilling.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Some quick math,
37+51+5 = 93days clean

Dont loose the amazing fact that youve been clean for over 90 days just with a few bumps.
Streaks are all good and nice but progress is the tachles.
You getting back up is amazing!!

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

By no means should you let a fall define all the success you've had by overcoming the y"h so many times over and over. 

The goal is progress, not perfection. You are an amazing person that is working to become even greater, and each day you keep going is another day of greatness. When we fall it shouldn't be looked at as we are a failure. I'm not saying that it's not difficult and painful after a fall, I am saying that when we get back up we come back stronger. Learning from our falls is how we create long term success. 

Long term success = not perfection
Not perfection = human
getting back up = super human

keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Welcome,

I have definitely felt that way in the past and I know that most if not all of us here have felt that as well. One of the most pleasurable things in life is getting to a point in this fight with the yetzer hara where we start living as our true selves. Right now it feels hypocritical, and it is, but know that with this battle we become stronger and stronger over time. We get more self confidence and life in every aspect is brighter without our brains being bogged down by the constant fantasies and demotivating thoughts.
True change is around the corner and you have just taken the first step.

Cheers to a better life!!
Take the fight one day at a time. We must learn from our mistakes just like you've noticed that you need to work on getting out of bed. Each small thing creates change. We cant change ourselves magically in 10, 20, or even 50 days. The only way we can change for then is to work on ourselves now. You cant have 50 days of change without the 1st, and you cant expect yourself to be perfect like you are at 50days when your at day one. This means trying our best now, accepting things that don't go our way, and getting back up and moving on regardless.

Also it can be very beneficial to write out your story and also what your goals are with regards to coming clean.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

And know that you're not alone

I'm not sure why but today I have been getting some stronger urges than usual. No triggers needed, just getting urges. Could be because I am on break and am pushing off the work I am supposed to be doing.

Baruch Hashem loneliness isn't hitting hard after seeing married friends and family. I think this is because of my decision to start shidduchim soon and knowing that Bezras Hashem I am not too far away from finding my wife, and building a deep emotional relationship, all the bumps included but hopefully not alot.

Also just a side note, I am officially over one year free of masturbation.
366 days of no masturbation
about 470 days of no pornography
One Day At A Time!!

My main motivators are:
1) To have the ability to have a deep and intimate relationship with my future wife. 
     If you are new here you may think that marriage is a cure all or that married men have it easier than us singles. Ill try to explain my way I think about this because its not so simple.
    First, what is sex? We are given a false perception of what sex really is from the porn industry. Sex is actually a very kadosh thing. It is one of the deepest ad most intimate acts that can take place in the world. Sex is not wrong, but it can be used and done in a twisted and wrong way. Using porn or even using our wives in a "mutar" way to fill our pleasure is definitely not the right thing. To use ones wife to solely fill their own pleasure is to treat her like an object that is only meant for sex. So again if its not solely for our pleasure then what is it? It is the culmination of love that we have for our wives on a day to day basis, and love is created by intimacy.

    Intimacy is our day to day interactions we have with our wives, the small gestures of love that have nothing to do with sex and all to do with being a part of a team. Two people that come together and create a deep and meaningful connection. This connection creates a desire to be close with this person, and in turn sex in marriage is the culmination of this closeness. It is the sole most selfless and trusting act of a woman to be with her husband. It is a treasure that should not be taken and used in a corrupted way. It should be used as a way to give and show your appreciation, love, and trust. And from this comes a family.

    Now you may say to yourself "What does it make the difference if I use it for my own pleasure?". Well, here's how detrimental it is. Women are usually way more emotionally in tune than men, and sex is a very different experience for them. This is where the porn industry thrive on giving us this false perception that women "enjoy" the terrible things done to them, and really these people are high and miserable. Just like how the Hollywood actors are know to be miserable, the porn industry is worse. It debases them and takes away their humanity. It corrupts reality.

    Also if a man is using porn and other forms of lust then they have issues with how they deal with their emotions and also how they interact in their relationships with their friends, family, and really anyone. We tend to find porn and masturbation as a sort of comfort or number from our emotions. This numbs our senses and makes things easier to deal with in the moment. The problem with this is that it hasn't dealt with the cause of these emotions, like stress, anxiety, depression...etc. It only held them off until the next time, only the next time will be worse and need a higher dose of numbing to cope because nothing is dealt with but everything is still there. This is the familiar cycle of lust. 

    Now what does that have to do with how we interact in or relationships? Well I am sure you know the feeling of fear of being found out, maybe lack of self worth for feeling like a fraud, the terrible feeling of knowing what you do is wrong yet still going after it because you have no control, and the many more things we feel and know. These things cause us to live two lives or how I like to phrase it as two half lives. We cant live fully as our true self because we feel all these things, and in our relationships we know this and it causes us to not invest ourselves in others. We know that if the other person truly knew what we did that they would never look at us the same way again or never look at us again at all. We cant be invested in our relationships because we don't think we deserve to, we are trying to protect the other person from who we think we truly are, we keep ourselves private so that they can never find out what lurks inside. The way we live in reality blocks us from truly living.

    A woman will intuitively know that her husband is not there with them on the emotional level that they need and this will cause a rift in the husbands and wifes intimate relationship. This rift may not be noticeable to a husband that is deep addicted to lust and using his wife because he may not be as emotionally in tune. But this will definitely be noticed by the wife on a base level. This rift is also noticed by children because they need that connection from their father even if they don't show it. To be there truly for ones child is the biggest gift in the whole world for a child, and being stuck in lust causes us to be distant.
And that is my second motivator:
2) To be the best father that I can be for my future family.

3) Being in control of my mind
This past year and really the past 470+ days have been the most rigorous and difficult of my life. But they've also been the most fulfilling because I have learnt that life is way more enjoyable as a whole without porn and masturbation. The fact that I am in control of myself makes life so much better. Theres no more of the cycle of an unbearable emotion, porn, masturbation, instant pleasure, regret, shame, guilt... etc. There's no more of the brain being clogged by fantasies all the time (there are still the occasional fantasy, but with time, they are easier to deal with). I can walk down the street and not be looking everywhere and fantasizing all the time. I can have a normal conversation with a woman without having to force myself to be in control because I already am.

4) Respecting a fellow human (deobjectifying)
    Women are people too. When we fantasize about them then that takes away their humanity and turns them into an object for our pleasure. The classic counter to this is that "they already disrespect/deobjectify themselves so why should I respect them or not objectify them?". This way of thinking is flawed. Its basically saying "If that person is robbing and killing, then why shouldn't I". Why would you want to degrade yourself to that level? Do you have no self respect?  
    Another approach to this which is along the same lines is that our goal may not be to respect/deobjectify those people, but the only way for us to change for the people that matter, like our wives, daughters, mothers, and sisters, is to respect/deobjectify the people that don't seem to respect or try to deobjectify themselves.
Also, I believe that most women cant grasp this struggle that men have, so giving them the benefit of the doubt, we can't blame them for our problems. Blaming others for our problems, even if they aren't making it easier, just makes it harder for us to solve the issue and live peacefully. 

5) Life is so much better
Over time the urges arent as common, fantasies dont pop up all the time, and we start to live as our true selves, not the half lives we were living before.


Theres way more to say and way more to explain. If anyone has problems or questions about what I have said please let me know. The only way I have come to these conclusions and thoughts is by talking with people like HHM and Dov, listening to Dov's talks in the GYE audio library, talking with other GYE members via chat system or on the forum, and most importantly by fighting this challenge One Day At A Time with Hashems help.

Each Day is a different challenge that we cant know how it will be. We can only prepare ourselves for the future by focusing on bettering ourselves in the present. Kinda like a 3 day yom tov .
Jokes aside, it takes each day one at a time.


Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Don't focus too much on the big numbers. It takes each day, one day at a time. If we look towards a certain number and think once we get past that life is easier then we're just lying to ourselves. We're fighting for that number instead of changing ourselves so that at that number it gets easier.

Changin how we view women, how we view sex, and how we view this nisoyon is the key to long term success. 

If we have a healthy perspective with regards to these areas and we work on internalizing them then that's true success.

But in the end, yes it gets easier.

Have a wonderful shabbos and a wonderful pesach.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!