You can judge life in the same way, as being completely unfair or totally terrible. When you find yourself thinking, “Life sucks! It couldn’t be more awful!” Remind yourself of the good things that have happened in your life. If you can accept that there are many things you can’t control, it may help you to better accept what life throws at you, even if you don’t like it.

Unconditional self-acceptance is the idea that you have worth, just as you are. This explains what separates “you”— your character, traits, personality, strengths, and weaknesses — from your behaviors. This is why SMART doesn’t use labels. You may have addictive behaviors, but you are not an addict. While this might seem like a game of words, it’s important to recognize how powerful words and labels are.

The same labels that you may carry internally — “failure”, ”disappointment,” or “loser” — led to your unhealthy behaviors. Attaching new labels won’t help.

If you can’t accept yourself, can you really expect others to? Even if they do, would you believe them?

Accepting yourself may be difficult. You may have caused others and yourself extreme harm and pain. You may have ruined the lives of others, plunged your family into debt, brought diseases into trusting relationships, or squandered your life savings. Who can forgive that? Not everyone can, but you can forgive yourself and accept that you are a worthwhile person despite your past behaviors. Be patient with and kind to yourself. Be honest about what you’ve done. Accept that you can’t change the past, but you can create your future.

You may be tempted to compare yourself to others or hold yourself up to some arbitrary standard. There is no standard or universal measure of your value. You stand alone in your self-worth. Comparing yourself to others is as meaningless as judging one color against another: Is red good or bad? Is blue more valuable than green?

As I delved further into Pirke Avot and other rabbinical commentaries, I discovered that many ideas I had associated with REBT and Albert Ellis were anticipated or mirrored in the rabbinical literature. In particular, I found that Maimonides (Moshe ben Maimon, ca. 1138-1204 CE)—widely regarded as the greatest Jewish philosopher of the medieval period—had espoused a “rationalist” philosophy with extraordinary similarities to the principles of REBT and CBT. Similarly, I found that more “modern” rabbis and sages, such as Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liady (1745-1812) and Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1902-94) voiced beliefs with strong affinities to those of Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck MD, and other cognitive-behavioral therapists. Increasingly, I came to believe that rabbinical Judaism and CBT/REBT shared the
fundamental idea that by means of our intellectual faculties, we can understand, modulate, and “tame” our unruly emotions. It is the task and burden of the present work to demonstrate how this idea is worked out in the history of rabbinical thought.

I want to acknowledge the great debt I owe to the late Dr. Albert Ellis, who, toward the end of his life, was kind enough to send me a number of encouraging letters in which he acknowledged the affinities between some rabbinical beliefs and those of REBT -- even though Dr. Ellis could not endorse the theological belief system of the rabbis.