Hey everyone,
I was wondering if anyone can give me any insight or just share similar experiances to the following problem. I am 23 years old and have struggled with lust from at least age 14 probably younger, but from age 12- 20 (at least) I had a parallel addiction which is clearly connected to the root of the problem. This other addiction is a "chein addiction" this means that for years I was obssesive about good looking and charming bochurim who were with me in Yeshiva. Although many times I did think of them in a lusful way, a vast majority of the time I just wanted to be close to them /hang out friends ect. (Spoiler it never happened because I was always highly intimidated by anyone I was obsessed with.) I would constantely try to end up near them, watching them, walking by their houses during bein hazmanim hoping to bump into them ect. It took me a while to see that this was crazy and something is wrong with me, because it started at age 12 (and possibly at 9 years old) I never knew anything different. Although I do still struggle with this slightly, my main problem is now with lust. I did notice a direct connection between the lust acting out getting much worse around the time that the chein addiction got lighter. (one of the guys I was utterly obsessed with left the yeshiva I was in and over the next few years the whole addiction to all of it largely toned down though Idk if it may rear it's ugly head again at some future date.)
If anyone has anything useful to share ( and also unuseful things) I'd love to hear it.
Thank You
