I feel very emotional right now. As though any small event that happens to me affects me way deeper and more profoundly than it should normally. I understand that this is the side effects of deciding to stop, and if it truly is then I welcome it with open arms. I am excited to take baby steps down the course and get closer to Hashem. I understand that this will not take place in a night or even a day or even a week or a month or even a year! It will take every second for the rest of my life. A perpetual growing opportunity! What more can I ask for!? Hashem is crying out to me that He does not want me to not think about Him for even a second! He is saying please always have me in mind and if you will not I will remind you! Can you imagine such love that He has for me that this is what He is screaming. As opposed to spending a life of emptiness He wants me to get the most out of life! How could I ignore such a request? I know the path that I just stepped onto is a never ending one and honestly that is somewhat depressing. But it is only depressing if I think that the point of life is to do what I have already been doing and this is just something I have to get out of the way. However, if I am able to see that this path was fashioned just for me by the Master of the World in order to get close to Him the path takes on a whole different purpose and a whole different meaning. It is no longer depressing it is empowering and encouraging. But baby step by baby step I will walk the path, this is my blessed place. I would not ask for it any other way!

I very much identify with your feeling I just starred with GYE on Sunday and feel very much the same way, confused emotional obsessive ect ect this morning I almost said forget it about the whole thing. I was almost convinced that I was better off without GYE. Reading your post gave me chizick and let me know I'm not alone. I feel like crying now. But I guess like u said Hashem in his infinite wisdom gave us this nesion. Like many I often wonder what the point of life? Yes even in a border sense? Well when things are dark it's very hard to know but one thing I need to remember is that we were not put on this world for our own pleasure that's for sure! We were put here to effect the greater good and to go though nesionos. Obviously this is not a compleat answer to the question of what we're doing here but I find that remembering that the neision is in it self a goal and a point of this life I find it easier to go on.

I totally resonate with what you responded thank you so much for responding!! I have the same issues all the time its so nice to see that I am not a yichud in this regard! I heard a great shiur on the מסילת ישרים. Rav Orlofsky explained that we often lose sight of the fact that Hashem just wants us to get the most pleasure out of life and that is exactly what the Ramchal says in the beginning he says "לא נברא אלא להתענג על ד ולהנות מזיו שכונתו" "we were not created except for the purpose of basking in the splendor of Hashem and benefitting from the glow of His presence". I do not know what that means exactly but I do know that however I was living before now was not the path towards that goal. IYH we will both reach that point one day! במהרה בימנו!

Amen Pinchas let's do this together. A year or two ago I went thru Meselas Yisharim(I followed one of the programs a lil every day) and I got major chizick from it I tried learning Derech Hashem but found it very difficult. I should try again. Maybe I'll do Mesilas Yisharim and then try Derach Hashem again. It's always good to turn to Rabbaino HaRamchal!!!!! BTW rabbi Irons has a fascinating lecture on the history of the Ramchal called A Life of Illumination; Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto.
Any way hatzlacha Rabba and NO WE ARE NOT NO NEVER ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to let you know I did it I started learning Mesilas Yisharim last night though it was late and I had o get up early I know I HAVE to do something tangible so I went a lil Mesilas Yishorim to start it and go Hugh the whole safer b"h. And I had a gr8 day yesterday(see my post on "here's my story please help".
Thanx thanx:)

Baruch Hashem that He gave us these moments of downfall to rise so high! You give me so much chizuk even though I missed the phone conference today your study helped me so much!