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New exclusive forum for married men.
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This board is for the webmaster of GYE to make important announcements.

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TOPIC: New exclusive forum for married men. 11969 Views

Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 00:52 #45530

  • silentbattle
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BecomeHoly wrote on 14 Jan 2010 00:40:

Ok... so basically, the issue is that some marrieds are uncomfortable sharing with non-marrieds. Now the fact is, if you (the ones who don't agree) don't feel there is something to hide, don't! Continue in the open, but let those who are uncomfortable have their privacy. They can have their own private group if they want... but the rest of us should just treat it like the women's section... it don't exist. If we feel like "crossing the mechitza" and helping... no problem.. but that should be an extra... our main focus is the open forum.

nuff said.


I just don't like being treated like a second-class citizen - I'm not bothered by the fact that I can't go...I'm bothered by the whole idea of it, and yes, on a personal level, how the whole idea of it effects me.
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 04:49 #45560

  • Steve
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Guard, seems to me like you have a lot of us who NEED the solidarity of the forum for ALL men TO STAY STRONG, especially right now. So even tho this hidden site is probably up, and some guys may already go there and get close because of common interests, we each need to still keep strong ties to as many guys on this forum as we can. Let's be careful of the pitfalls of breaking into US and THEM groups. I say if a married guy feels the need to go there to give or get chizuk, that's his business, after all it's hidden and private except to participants. Just dont brag or tease or hint or refer to discussions there, cuz that'll make a lot of us feel resentment, here in the very Makom where we are trying to overcome our resentments in order to break free.

So i'm saying let's keep together, and not be judgmental of those who feel they need this privacy. After all, they could have done it thru PMs to eachother, all this does is enlarge their discussion group to help them more. And those of us who want to discuss these topics on the open forum, with sensitivity and decorum, should be allowed to do so.

How's THAT for a pesharah?
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 05:12 #45567

  • WeWillNotBeForsaken
If I really wanted to hit on women, I wouldn't be hanging around this forum.
Besides for all the actual separation, it also created a lot of controversy and tension on this forum lately. I know I'm just fanning the flames by elongating the discussion, but bottom line is, the more tension that exists on this forum, the less likely I am to visit and post.
That being said, this obviously was guard's decision to make and I'm sure he thought of all the possible points that we are bringing up - I think we all have full confidence in his decisions (at least I do).
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 05:13 #45568

  • BecomeHoly
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Yiddle2 wrote on 14 Jan 2010 00:44:

I think the point is that they dont want us (single people) to have the ability to cross the mechitza. They want a complete split like the woman had to do.


I'm referring to the marrieds who dont feel a need for their own space. For them, they don't need to change. They should keep things the way they are. If they feel like crossing the mechitza into "uncomfortable hangout" to help... gezenteheit.
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 05:19 #45570

I am for it but everyone can learn from it. If you're on GYE, then your serious.
P
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 05:52 #45574

Well, I think we should have a thread where the 15 year olds discuss their lust issues with the Disney Channel, like with Miley Cyrus, that Gomez, girl, etc......what to do when your mom/dad walks in on you playing with yourself because you were too stupid to lock the door....how to tell your chatroom/Xbox Live mistress that you're through (oh, the heartbreak!)....


COME ON.

In all seriousness, if the married guys want to talk shop or what to do when she "has a headache", they can PM each other.

If they REALLY want their own country club, they've got to have different classes of membership. Not everyone here is a snot-nosed, pimply-faced 15 year old who's obsessed with nothing but his own penis and that hawt grrl with the Transformers lunchbox that they're too scared to talk to.

Some of us are older and more mature early and mid 20-somethings who are thinking seriously about marriage. Some of us come from broken homes and that's partly why we got sucked into SA to begin with--because we were medicating the emptiness.

Some of us want to learn and some of us are mature enough to handle discussions about marriage and sex within marriage. If it's frank sex-talk, but it's done appropriately with a constructive educational goal, then that won't trigger me. I'm not talking about graphic descriptions about what you do, how you do it, when you do it, or anything like that. That's pointless because every woman is different and every relationship is different, so exchanging "tips" about "what buttons to push" is a total waste of time. I'm talking about more general things. How SA has affected your sexual relationship, what you are doing about it, how a man should treat his wife in general.

Some of us don't want to stumble into marriage with an empty toolbox. Some of us carry deep scars from broken relationships, and some of us want the tools to fix our own before they break.



Now, I realize that I really have no say in what goes on around here. After all, I'm just some crazy porn addict who pretends to be superhero in this corner of his digital existence.

So, if you feel that it would be appropriate (and I'm sure some of you do), then by all means make a separate members-only group for the BruceWayne Haters and the Singles Haters.


After all, I'm just some lost and crazy pretender. 
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 06:04 #45576

  • Tomim2B
BruceWayne wrote on 14 Jan 2010 05:52:

Well, I think we should have a thread where the 15 year olds discuss their lust issues with the Disney Channel, like with Miley Cyrus, that Gomez, girl, etc......what to do when your mom/dad walks in on you playing with yourself because you were too stupid to lock the door....how to tell your chatroom/Xbox Live mistress that you're through (oh, the heartbreak!)....


COME ON.

In all seriousness, if the married guys want to talk shop or what to do when she "has a headache", they can PM each other.

If they REALLY want their own country club, they've got to have different classes of membership. Not everyone here is a snot-nosed, pimply-faced 15 year old who's obsessed with nothing but his own penis and that hawt grrl with the Transformers lunchbox that they're too scared to talk to.

Some of us are older and more mature early and mid 20-somethings who are thinking seriously about marriage. Some of us come from broken homes and that's partly why we got sucked into SA to begin with--because we were medicating the emptiness.

Some of us want to learn and some of us are mature enough to handle discussions about marriage and sex within marriage. If it's frank sex-talk, but it's done appropriately with a constructive educational goal, then that won't trigger me. I'm not talking about graphic descriptions about what you do, how you do it, when you do it, or anything like that. That's pointless because every woman is different and every relationship is different, so exchanging "tips" about "what buttons to push" is a total waste of time. I'm talking about more general things. How SA has affected your sexual relationship, what you are doing about it, how a man should treat his wife in general.

Some of us don't want to stumble into marriage with an empty toolbox. Some of us carry deep scars from broken relationships, and some of us want the tools to fix our own before they break.



Now, I realize that I really have no say in what goes on around here. After all, I'm just some crazy porn addict who pretends to be superhero in this corner of his digital existence.

So, if you feel that it would be appropriate (and I'm sure some of you do), then by all means make a separate members-only group for the BruceWayne Haters and the Singles Haters.


After all, I'm just some lost and crazy pretender. 


You make some great points. Well articulated.

2B
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 07:42 #45585

  • kollel guy
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Why do you guys think that all because there exists a "married forum" that all the married guys will only hang out there and nowhere else? It will be a few more threads, that's all. Would you care if  there wasn't actually any "separate forum", but in order for certain threads to show up on your computer you had to be married? You don't look at every thread anyway, why should this make a difference?
I honestly don't see:
a) Why this would cause ANY less posting on the rest of GUE, or ANY "separation".
b) Why this is not being seen as a very important necessity.
c) What in the world is the big deal.

And SB, even though I agree that an elitist feeling is not good, I don't think any married guy would feel that way, nor do I think any single guy should feel "left out".
As soon as he is married he will have access just like EVERY OTHER MARRIED JEWISH MALE.
Last Edit: 14 Jan 2010 12:12 by .

Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 11:53 #45614

  • kanesher
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for now, I think the married forum is a bad idea

-it's a really bad time for making new separation

-without a lot of brains, the married forum with denegrate into addict's with an excuse to talk about sex and being jealous of each other's sex lives. Not unlike another site who's makers are going to hell. I didn't come here to work on my marriage. It's not my wife's fault or problem.
I came here to work on my addiction. When I grow up and beat that, then I have elsewhere to go for help on my marriage. Not that we can't talk about things, but a forum for "let's talk about sex, guys" its just a bad idea.
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 12:09 #45617

  • kollel guy
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OK where did you get the idea that a married forum will be about "Let's talk about sex"?
It's going to be about shalom bayis, how to deal with the effect that the addiction had or is having on your relationship, how to speak to your wife about it, how she can be your sponsor etc.
We already established that married guys also have triggers, and that even if there will be such a forum, there won't be ANY graphic or pointless discussions which will defeat the purpose of it.
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 13:40 #45628

  • the.guard
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Guy's I wish I had time to read everyone's posts. Lately I have become so overwhelmed with responsibilites, we are working on so many new things at once.
For example, I just hired a guy in India to do data-entry on our site www.guardyoureyes.org, to put in all the daily chizuk e-mails, peice by peice into the proper catagories.
We are working on developing chat-rooms for this forum which will make the forum DOUBLE as fun and beneficial.
I've also been dealing with a lot of the slack from the separation, etc...

The bottom line is, the "Married Guys" forum shouldn't bother anyone that is not married for the simple reason that they anyway can't see it, so they won't feel they are missing out. It's a place where married guys can talk about things like how frustrating the Niddah period is for them, or how hard it is when he's in the mood and she's not, etc... These are things that don't belong in full view of everyone, it's simply not noge'ah.

I would like to ask the married's to use that board ONLY for those type of discussions, and not start hanging out there, because we need you guys on the MAIN forum boards where everyone can benefit from the exchanges of regular chizuk.

I also created today a new board for "Spouses of Addicts", which again should not bother anyone, since they simply won't see it unless we have confirmed they are the spouse of an addict  ;D
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 14 Jan 2010 15:04 by .

Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 13:41 #45629

  • kanesher
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Kollel Guy wrote on 14 Jan 2010 12:09:

OK where did you get the idea that a married forum will be about "Let's talk about sex"?
It's going to be about shalom bayis, how to deal with the effect that the addiction had or is having on your relationship, how to speak to your wife about it, how she can be your sponsor etc.
We already established that married guys also have triggers, and that even if there will be such a forum, there won't be ANY graphic or pointless discussions which will defeat the purpose of it.


Umm...so then why are we hiding it from our single brethren? Not to depress then?
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 14:04 #45636

  • kollel guy
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I think some of the married guys will be more open about their inquiries and advice - if they know only people in their situation will be reading it.
Also, I didn't say the topic of sex will be forbidden, it just won't be "what the married forum is all about".
And what if it is just to depress the single guys?  That sounds like a good enough reason for me.  ;D :D ;D
Besides, if they are all so against it dispite the fact that it's irrelevant to them, there must be some hidden incentive there.
Maybe they just can't stand the idea of all the married guys discussing all the juicy interesting stuff while they're all nebach locked out, and this whole opposition has nothing to do with the well-being of the marrieds.
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 14:49 #45664

  • the.guard
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Bruce had some good points above... Made me realize that maybe some of the older "unmarried" guys who are about to get married should be allowed access there too. So I think I'll make a compromise. If you are unmarried and want access, send me a PM (or an e-mail) explaining why you think you have what to gain, and we will consider your request. If we accept it, you will be allowed to view what goes on there, but we still ask that you refrain from active participation in the discussion. How's that?

Bruce, you're in.

And by the way, any married guys who want to join should also send me a PM or e-mail. I can't remember everyone who is married.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: New Exclusive Forum for Married Men. 14 Jan 2010 14:53 #45666

  • kollel guy
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Made me realize that maybe some of the older "unmarried" guys who are about to get married should be allowed access there too.
OK, but only if we also make it that if someone IS married but very immature - he gets bounced.
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