Due to a recent request made by one of our members, we’ve decided to open up a private area on the forum exclusively devoted to married men. If you are a married man and you’d like to gain access to this area, please send me a request via PM.

I really dont usually speak out against actions of the Guard or whoever made this decision but I have to respectfully end this seperation fiasco. Why cant single people have access to this forum? It might trigger us? I'll say it again. If its going to trigger a single man then it can very well trigger a married man. I have no issue with starting a married man's thread but not a forum which only they have access to. I would like to see this forum and what the married men have to say.

There I have said my peace and hopefully it will make some difference.

-Yiddle

Yikes, maybe now is not the best time to do this. It seems people are starting to think that GYE is becoming more and more "separated" and "hidden" and "secretive". It's really nothing to do with that, it's just that sometimes guys want to talk about their sex-life with their wives, and how it is changing/growing/ or problems they have with it, and they would feel uncomfertable posting these things there knowing that 15 year old addicts on this site would be reading it along with everyone else...

So we thought maybe there could be a special board where anyone who wanted to discuss marriage-specific issues without worries could feel free to post there, and it would be accesible only by the married folk - to whom it would be Noge'ah.

Sorry if this don't sit well with y'all...

As far as who is this mysterious "admin2"? Let's just say he's a dedicated member of the forum who has a lot of computer and programing knowledge, and he is helping us upgrade the forum. He is helping us move the forum to our own server (at guardyoureyes.org instead of rehab-my-site.com which is not my site at all), and he is also helping us set up chat-rooms that will hopefully work with the forum soon.

Thank you admin2!!

ן איןמל whoops , had it in hebrew mode,
i think this is a nice idea . i agree w/ what guard said abou the married people feeling funny and also the singles  feeeling out of place(which has happened.) i'm for it . 

what 15 year old addicts? There may be one 15 year old addict here. I think we should take this hidden and secretive forum down and if they want to talk about whatever they are talking about, they should be like the rest of us and do it on the GYE forum. This whole seperation thing has gotten way too outta hand.

-Yiddle

this place is getting kind of big . its not the worst thing in the world  if we group up(not break down ).

Great Idea!

hmmmmmmmmmmmm ... i don't know...

I'm not sure I want to hear such private matters between other couples, I don't think they'd be triggering for me personally, but I'd feel very uncomfortable. And I don't think I could share that info either. If there are guys here that need that as a free therapy section, then Kol HaKOvod. Let's give people what they need. But how do you discuss these issues without getting into "triggerig" details. Being married doesn't insulate one from facing the desire to act out, or we wouldn't be here. And do I want the nisayon of thinking about what someone else does privately when i'm with my own wife?

I don't think it's triggering or untznius for married men to mention general issues like sexual rejection or loss of desire within view of unmarried men, or the struggle not to Lust with one's own wife thru fantasy of others. People who come here are already sexually active in one way-shape-or-form, and are well aware of these issues. The clientele on these pages are not the prudish or immature, nor are they naive. I mentioned on past DC calls about my still lingering nostalgia over my first strong relationship before I was frum (whom I thought I was going to marry), despite the present knowledge that I was together for years with a niddah and how bad that aveira was. There were single men there, yeshivah grads (not public school grads/baalei tshuvah like me)  and DC did not censure me one iota. Now that the barriers have been broken by aveira, we all can benefit from generalized discussions of physical realtionships. I think the single guys can learn a lot about the issues and how to resolve them, before they're married, so they can be prepared and avoid having problems cause issues.

The Rabbonim that might insist on these issues being discussed only behind closed doors must realize that the people who come here are on a different madreigah than the "regular" world, and that we don't have virgin eyes, and shouldn't be treated like we do.

Steve wrote on 13 Jan 2010 22:02:


I knew I always loved you Steve...  :-*

Steve:

  As a rule there should never be explicit details given on the forum. But married men have much different situations then unmarried. This is a place where they can relate to, and understand one anothers challenges.

maskim, me.

So you mean to say it's a not necessarily to "protect" the singles, but rather for the marrieds to feel more comfortable posting their issues where only marrieds can see them and contribute? I thought it's purpose was the other way, and to keep the image of GYE more acceptable to the newcomers and curiosity seekers.

We'd have to see how it plays out, how careful everyone is not to abuse the privilege. Admin2 might have his hands full moderating it at first.

Don't get me wrong, i respect everyone's needs, and we should do our utmost to have this site be useful in many ways. Who am I to stand in the way of progress?

I have already noticed that there is less posting on th forum due to the break between the men and the women. And now we want a break between married and unmarried? I said this to someone earlier and get ready for this warning: UNFORTUNATELY THE FORUM IS CRUMBLING. It doesnt take a genius to see whats going on here. This is Jewish history repeating itself. We are all breaking into our own sects and its going to break the GYE tradition apart. I signed up here so that I could AND others could share with me. If people feel that they cant share something then it shouldn't be on this website at all. admin2, whoever you actually are on the forum, I trust that you will make the right decision in the end.

-Yiddle

I've never truly felt the need to curse before on the forum. I do now, but Mods, I'kll do the job for you: *&^&*))%&*

I'd go on for several lines like that.

I feel like crying. Just when you think something is too good to be true, well, like Weird Al Yankovic says, "oh, man, I hate it when I'm right!"

There are a few different issues here. The primary one is that it creates a schism. People are going to obviously focus on the people they can open up to, and in fact have opened up to. SO after they've opened up on this secret group, they're going to be closer to those people. I think 36, while trying to be positive, actually hits the nail on the head with his commentlamed vavnik wrote on 13 Jan 2010 21:23:


Exactly the point - it's going to cause different groups.

There's another issues here, though - where does it end? I can say, "well, my struggle involved real women, so i don't feel comfortable discussing it with people who had other struggles," and some other guy will say, "hey, my struggle is with P*^n, so I only want to discuss it with people who have my exact problem,"...

Plus, I think it also gives a feeling of an elite, which I don't like. Like I have a limited access pass. And I think that whether or not you realize it, the married people are going to feel the same way, in reverse. "Look at the little children, let's go leave our private forum where we can be totally open, and give them a little chizuk."

Like it or not, realize it or not, that's what's going to happen. I don't see any way of avoiding it - it's natural.

Man, I hate being right.

Now what?

I guess I practice guitar more? Find some good books to read?

Ok... so basically, the issue is that some marrieds are uncomfortable sharing with non-marrieds. Now the fact is, if you (the ones who don't agree) don't feel there is something to hide, don't! Continue in the open, but let those who are uncomfortable have their privacy. They can have their own private group if they want... but the rest of us should just treat it like the women's section... it don't exist. If we feel like "crossing the mechitza" and helping... no problem.. but that should be an extra... our main focus is the open forum.

nuff said.

I think the point is that they dont want us (single people) to have the ability to cross the mechitza. They want a complete split like the woman had to do.