I've been at GYE for about a year or so. I go through periods of checking the forum nonstop, and periods where I don't check the forum at all. Today, I came up with the idea to keep a log of what I'm going through. If other people want to read it and offer their opinion, then please be my guest. I just feel like I need to account for my actions throughout the day, so feeling the responsibility to write about my day will help me very much. So here it goes....

I am 22. I live in my parents' house. I've grown up with TV that has cable in the house. We have numerous TV's now with cable. I've always said that TV is one of my biggest yetzer haras. I don't know how to walk into my house and not turn it on. But looking back, whenever I build a streak of clean days, something triggers me while I'm watching TV, and that may lead to other things, but usually, the TV is the trigger. I've tried all different ways to cut TV out of my life, but always seem to fall back into my old habits. However, after a terrible fall last night, I told myself this morning that I'm not going to tell myself that I can't watch TV anymore. If I go in with the thought process that I can never watch again, it will become daunting. I've tried it before and it won't work. But I will tell myself that bli neder I will not watch TV for the next week, and I'll see what happens after that. That means no sports games or anything. I just pray that Hashem will provide me with the strength to accomplish that goal.

So there's my first post. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep this up. Have a great Shabbos everyone!

hatzlacha with posting
it can help you be more aware of your thoughts and actions and understand your situation better
have a great shabbos!

This will be my first full day without a fall in this count, so here I go:

Shabbos was really good. I usually don't really run in to too many girls so that's not really an issue. Usually the big problem for me is motzaei shabbos. I usually sit down in front of the TV for hours and end up regretting it, but so far so good. I did some school work for an hour. I listened to a sports game on the radio. I went out with a friend for a bit. I just kind of avoided the TV. The night is not over yet, so hopefully Hashem will give me the strength to stay strong for the rest of the night. But other than that, things are going well Baruch Hashem. Have a great day everyone!!! May Hashem give strength to all of us to keep fighting this battle!

You gotta love it. So I made it one whole day. Just fell. I had a rough day. I knew exactly what I was facing when I came home. I knew it would be a problem. I told myself that it won't make things easier if I looked at things I'm not supposed to, but I did it anyways. I really needed someone to talk to, because I was telling myself it was wrong, so I needed to speak it out. I didn't know who I could turn to, so I turned to porn instead, and now I regret it. There are those times when you can tell yourself that it will only make things worse. I even told myself to let G-d take over, but it was like I was trying to convince myself of something, as opposed to really believing it. I couldn't think of anything else, but watching porn. Anyways, time to move on. Tomorrow is another day. May Hashem give strength to all of us to keep fighting this battle!

It's going to be a tough day today. I could already feel the stress piling on. I can feel the shortness of breath, and the need for a relief. I'm going to try and stick around GYE a lot today. Please Hashem give me the strength to make it through today.

Hang in there!

keep coming back to GYE and make sure that you sign in everyday!! That way you will see the clean days accumulate and you can monitor your progress. If you hang in there and keep strong it will become easier as days pass. Another thing to do is to take the cable away and only use clean dvd's and clean games for entertaiment. The TV with cable connection is almost always an open gutter with a lot of sewage. DON'T DRINK IT!!!!!!
Drink the clean waters of Torah, Daven, Learn, cleave to HaShem and He will save you.

Lot of Chizuk,

--Mordechai--

Thanks for the support everyone. Sorry I didn't get around to posting last night. I got home late and was too tired to post. My day actually went really well. I really didn't have so much time to be around the computer or TV. When I was around the computer, I made sure to have a tab open to GYE. So B"H everything turned out well yesterday. May Hashem give strength to all of us to keep fighting this battle!

You seem to be doing great!!  Keep up the right attitude!!!! 

Today was another great day B"H. Again, I wasn't around the computer or TV so much, so for most of the day, it wasn't so difficult. But then I came home late, and the TV was unlocked. I knew it was unlocked. I started getting shortness of breath. I was trying to myself to go lock it, but I couldn't get my body to do that. Then in a moment of clarity, Hashem gave me the power to lock the TV. I would love to say that it was all me, but there is no question, I could not handle such a moment. My brain was not working right. The consequences didn't seem so bad, even though I knew in the future, I would regret it terribly. That didn't seem to matter to me. All I thought about was watching inappropriate TV. Yet, somehow I'm here typing this. It was all HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Thank you Hashem for taking care of me and giving me the strength in my moments of weakness, and all the time for that matter, when I may not see Your Hand, like I did tonight. May Hashem give strength to all of us to keep fighting this battle!

It's great seeing somebody keeping up the struggle,keep on posting

Let me tell you they're a lot of great guys around here this IS THE PLACE and remember you're not alone

Realize this, that even the hand that is typing these words out is Hashems hand.  It is awesome that you had this experience.  Next time a situation like this presents itself remember back to this time and pull yourself through.  Eventually you won't even remember to lock it when you get home because you won't have the urge.  Great Going!!! KOT  ;D ;D ;D ;D

So another day under my belt. Thank you Hashem for helping me get through it. In the morning, I was a little stressed, but I thought to myself that watching inappropriate things will not help anything, so B"H I was able to stay away long enough till I had to leave the house. Other than that, it was a pretty good day all around. I wasn't around the TV and computer again. Also, things are going really well, and I'm just really happy, so it does make things easier. Thank you Hashem for that. May Hashem give strength to all of us to keep fighting this battle!

Awesome!!  ODAAT  ;D ;D ;D

Gevaldig!

Constantly reminding ourselves of this:
cantdoitmyself wrote on 03 Mar 2011 06:02:

will help us much more than trying to stay away by sheer willpower alone!