Shalom,

I just saw a two pics with sexual content. I wanted to verify my internet filter was ok and this time it didn't work (usually it filters everything). I clicked on a word which I had already proved wasn't perfectly filtered and this time it was filtered even worst. Then I red quickly a few  '1 line comments' to one of the two pic and I realized that I was starting being carried away. The whole operation lasted around 5-10 seconds...

...then I closed the link and I came here on the forum. I didn't have any physical reaction but I realized that 2 seconds more and it would have been a mess.

Is that a fall?

There is more: usually having a look for 5 seconds to a pic have no effects on me. Now after around 1 hour has passed and I still feel bad and terribly guilty and I have a lot of sexual fantasies I've never had in my life. Fortunately until now I succeeded in thinking to something else any time they have come to my mind?

Why does such a stupid pic has such massive effects after I had no bad thoughts for 17 days? Shouldn't this be the only passion which diminish when not fed?

thank you!

Chaim1977 wrote on 15 Jan 2011 23:08:


Your YH is saying "hey Chaim.... 17 days... it's more than enough!  You did so well....  now go treat yourself!  Live a little! .... don't worry"

Thank you! Yes it is indeed. I've noticed that  until a few days ago I was thinking day by day and then I started looking behind...

Today I have a question which is obsessing my mind and which says 'are you sure that this is going to be your life? abstinence for your whole life? does it make any sense? It's insane and you know that sooner or later you will fall...It's ok if you go on for 90 days, then when you have reached your target you will relax a little bit..." ...YH again I guess... probably trying to persuade me not to focus on today???

Well done for not taking it any further.

What is your definition of a fall?
What was your intention?

If it was nothing more than a moment where you weren't thinking clearly and yet you managed to catch youself when it went a little too far, then no, I don't think it's a fall.

I posted this on another thread a few days ago:




Okay, so testing your filter is not really "very small", but you handled it well.
Learn from it and keep on trucking...

Well I would be tempted to set my definition of fall at a high standard like any time I allow a bad thought to stay in my mind without making anything for shifting to a better topic. Or any time I look around too much on the street or at the swimming pool. The problem is that if I set such a standard I would fall at least 10 times per day and I tend to be quite easily demoralized. However I know that even looking around on the street is not good...I was astonished seeing how in Jerusalem in Orthodox quarters people can avoid looking around so well... I don't know how they can do it, but I guess it is also the environment which is favorable... or is that an excuse for behaving differently here?

I checked the filter being quite positive that it wouldn't have affected me at all. the purpose was checking, the I got carried away for a few seconds... however I fear that when I say 'the purpose was checking' it was the outer layer of my consciousness... even in that moment there was something inside mumbling 'it can be a good chance to see something without feeling guilty...heheh...enjoy...'.